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Failing an interview for what looked like an ideal job

Posted 6th June 2016 at 00:59 by amara

Last week I failed an interview for an apprenticeship I felt I wanted. I researched them, I liked how they helped society. Failing this job was like a smack in the face, but maybe I needed to fail the interview because failing it has made me more aware, or just more honest, with knowing what I want to do.

It feels mentally hard to be honest with career aspirations when people have certain expectations for you. It feels like I have fooled myself with thinking I wanted to be an engineer, it's embarrassing saying this. It's even a bit embarrassing speaking about this as I have been unemployed for some time.

I think I made myself feel I wanted to be an engineer as I like what my image of an engineer stand for and believed I would do well in a work environment of engineers.

If I'm completely honest, I don't really know what I really want to be. I'm interested in certain things, even some aspects of tech and engineering, but so what, millions of other people can say that. I have a few interests and am interested in learning but I don't think I really have any skills that stand out.

As of present I would like to be in a good work environment, one that matches my values. I would also like to make a decent income and feel my job is meaningful and that I could do my job well. From past jobs, and this work experience I have found that I find certain tasks interesting, however I'm not likely to do them as standalone projects in my spare time if I have to. This is why I feel me wanting to be an engineer or IT industry, although possible, was kind of false. I mean I wouldn't mind working in an IT or engineering company but when I think about it it isn't really a dream job. If I learnt to programme I may enjoy it, however it doesn't seem like something I am curious about.

I'm curious about other stuff though but an interest doesn't need to be a job, especially when you haven't mastered the skill of that interest.
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