Random Musings,restless piles
Posted 10th July 2014 at 23:31 by indigo777
I'm very concerned about coming across as too miserable and sad. I feel sad and hopeless on most days. I feel an emptiness and a longing and a fear of my worst dreams all coming true. If you have become accustomed to unhappiness and melancholy for so long then how do you change this, does it become part of who you are?
F**k demanding 3 positives for the day. I am content if I just dont feel like killing myself for a change.
The obsession with meets on SAUK fascinates me. Even reading some replies today.As if you only have to meet real people in real life and you solve all your problems and make great friends. Really? I worked with real people in a real job for 20 years and mostly found it a tremendous struggle on a daily basis. Meeting people with SA would probably be worse if some of my past experiences of SAUK are anything to go by.
Normal people avoid miserable people so how do you suddenly (pretend) to be cheerful and optimistic just because you are face to face with someone if you have been desperately sad for years? If anything being miserable makes people dislike you and want to avoid you in future just reinforcing your feelings of low self esteem and avoidance, just as being shy does.
I think you may well have to recover to a certain level of normality both in terms of social anxiety and depression before any kind of normal contact with others is possible in the first place as otherwise even basic conversation is strained and awkward and you repel people. I think this is what puts me off the most along with the fact that many people are so judgmental and treat you with contempt as soon as they dont think you are normal or good enough to be on their level.
F**k demanding 3 positives for the day. I am content if I just dont feel like killing myself for a change.
The obsession with meets on SAUK fascinates me. Even reading some replies today.As if you only have to meet real people in real life and you solve all your problems and make great friends. Really? I worked with real people in a real job for 20 years and mostly found it a tremendous struggle on a daily basis. Meeting people with SA would probably be worse if some of my past experiences of SAUK are anything to go by.
Normal people avoid miserable people so how do you suddenly (pretend) to be cheerful and optimistic just because you are face to face with someone if you have been desperately sad for years? If anything being miserable makes people dislike you and want to avoid you in future just reinforcing your feelings of low self esteem and avoidance, just as being shy does.
I think you may well have to recover to a certain level of normality both in terms of social anxiety and depression before any kind of normal contact with others is possible in the first place as otherwise even basic conversation is strained and awkward and you repel people. I think this is what puts me off the most along with the fact that many people are so judgmental and treat you with contempt as soon as they dont think you are normal or good enough to be on their level.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Hi Indigo, I would like to offer some support.That sounds very painful and distressing, I have felt this too and know how this mood can pervade every waking moment.Quote:I feel sad and hopeless on most days. I feel an emptiness and a longing and a fear of my worst dreams all coming true.
It's not my place to come in and adjust your reality or offer solutions, but my own progress stems from finding a different way to relate to my suffering. From 'misery' to 'suffering'. There is kindness and compassion to be found and felt, and received from gentle others. And from oneself, that has been part of my path, cultivating self-compassion and kindness.
I wish you really, really well. There are supportive people 'out there' who wont criticise and reject us but who can care and love us through this. Sorry if I have spoken out of turn and I hope you are feeling some freedom and peace from those heavy states of being and difficult thoughts today.Posted 11th July 2014 at 06:41 by Star Rainbow 
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Thanks star rainbow.
I have started to explore different ways of thinking in order to cope with day to day living but often find myself regressing to my previous default position after so many years of that state of mind.
I think it is possible but am beginning to believe that much success or happiness is as dependant upon luck and circumstances as anything else. Unfortunately after using forums for so long it has if anything persuaded me that there are not many people on the same wavelength.
Thanks for your support. I hope you are also OK.Posted 11th July 2014 at 19:54 by indigo777
