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Peace at Last

Posted 1st November 2012 at 15:55 by cymruambyth26

It's the morning of October 1st 2009. I wake up lying in a pool of my own vomit on my bed.

This wasn't just a night of heavy drinking at university. The feelings of being frightened, confused and distorted are not the typical feelings you would associate with a typical student night out. No....these were different.

These were feelings that I had never experienced before ever in my life. It was the first time in my life I myself had ever felt fearful for my own safety.

I look up onto my desk and around my room and I see papers, photographs, objects all over the floor but yet I look up and what stands out.....well it's a bottle of vodka and empty packets of paracetemol. I'm sure I bought them for the morning after but somehow I got to them long before then.

Yet after the initial shock I emerge feeling relieved, exhausted yet peaceful. I picked up a photograph of myself as a baby and I stared longingly into it. Yes there are tears but actually I question myself are these tears of sadness or are they tears of relief?

In my mind I focus the on the situation I was in as not being a negative one but a positive one. I finally realised I had a problem. I felt liberated almost and freed from months of entrapment and conflict within in my mind. To me surely now it was all over. If I can survive such an event as this and realise I had a problem things were only going to better from now on I say to myself.

I still held some scepticism about what may happen next in the future but at last a light broke through an entire mind that was previously completely filled with darkness and I started to believe.

Looking back it was strange to say the least that I grabbed the lowest/darkest day in my life and began almost within hours to turn it into a complete positive as I was finally lead away from my flat by my parents and grandparents.

I was battered, bruised and emotionally exhausted but at last I had something I hadn't experienced in nearly a year and that was hope.

The message of this blog is this: I know how you feel......I have been there myself it's why I shared my darkest moment as a human being to date but I have experienced first hand how you can take what looks like a hopeless case or even an event like this (not recommended might I add) and turn it into a glimmer of shinning light amongst complete darkness in your mind.

So if your at the point of giving up or even considering doing what I did I say this. You have to grab any break from the negative cycle in your mind. Grab that positivity and hold on to it despite what the rest of your mind is saying as it's going to help you fight that darkness in your mind and you will eventually defeat it.

If you have taken the time to read this I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Any comments are much appreciated and if you feel this applies to you and you want to talk to somebody more about it I'm always happy to recieve a PM.

Take care guys,

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