Well that's a miserable title! I think I'm dreadfully lonely and I dont quite have the courage to fully feel it.

I think there is merit in feeling all of one's feelings, if such feelings can be witnessed with sufficient detachment. I think I tend to get overwhelmed and carried away with stories about how my life has imploded into total failure status in recent years.

How I've missed the flow of my own creation and am banked up on the shingle, stuck, hopeless, useless....

One of the worst and most memorable aspects of SA for me was the pain at work of forever being the outsider, of never really fitting in no matter what I did. To work in a large company for years and never really feel comfortable has unavoidable effects on your mood, emotions and long term mental health. In short the SA actually defines your character and personality. You become what the SA allows you to become and this is the way you then appear to the outside world; grumpy, unfriendly, unapproachable....