Visiting my sister's house today has left me with a bitter taste.
My couzin who I havent seen for ages was there, we was always around eachother untill we fell out, now she looks great, she beautiful, confident and is in college planning to do stuff.
Then theres me..
A fat, ugly slacker, who cant even enjoy myself for one day.
Ive had enough, and im going on a diet tomorrow.
thats if my SA lets me
I CRAVE WILLPOWER!!

I keep finding myself looking through photo's of my best friend I was once friends with.
Ive found myself getting lonelier and ended up sending emails to her.
I thought once I spoke to her and cleared the whole thing up, it would give me closure.
I guess I was wrong because im still looking at them wishing ''what if..''

So yesturday I didnt end up going to a fireworks display, which I ended up crying because I wrecked the evening for my family, whenever I wont go, they refuse to leave me here and go
To be honest, not going to the event has ruined a perfect roll for me.
I managed to go to a wedding, a meal & trick or treating, so I sort of let myself down.

Its too bad that my brother doesnt live here with me and my parents, because he's the only one that can encourage...

Ive recently been thinking of doing some volunteer work because I no im not going to be able to hold down a full time job.
Animal care might be right for me, but ive only found 2 in my area
Im scared that if I go for it, I might mess up and get yelled at, or might be alot of people, gosh I feel like screaming.
I wish I had someone in the same position as me so we could work together

Fireworks display tonight
to go or not to go?