Anxiety wins!

I probably need to vent which is the fair assessment of what is going on in my brain. This is if i'm going to sleep tonight.

Well i'm back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks off. Have I had a good holiday? It's been ok but nothing special. I've been disappointed with myself. I didn't achieve everything that I set out to do during the summer holidays. I'm sort of use to this though setting out plans socially but never actually coming close to achieve them. Anxiety always wins.

Probably from the second week of the holidays onwards my brain just decided as well it was going to withdraw so i've gone about a month with very little human contact. Total withdraw not really texted messaged, spoken to many people just family really as I live with them. I've managed one message and some posts about football on here and some social network posts but my brain told me it had enough after each of those that's all. I have no idea why can't find an explanation for it. Anyone who doesn't understand would just say I was being lazy.

I guess periods like these make me realise that I have got this social anxiety it's no lie or myth or no exaggeration. I have to face up to it and work hard and really put the effort in to manage it and I can't allow myself to relax too much as I just end up slipping backwards.

I kind of wish I never developed it in the first place it can make me feel quite sad and miserable.