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I'm looking at the big sky

Posted 21st March 2014 at 14:19 by indigo777

[B][I]I'm looking at the big sky.
You never really understood me.
You never really tried.[/I][/B]


Another strange but emotional day. My mother was in a wooden box about 12 inches by 10, or at least her ashes were. Although she died several months ago her ashes have only just been interned due to the usual family madness and buried next to my dad at the local cemetery. We did not get on for much of her later years and yet memories come flooding back of years gone by, of family holidays at the coast, Christmas dinners, her walking me to and from my junior school, shopping on Christmas eve, of puddings and mince pies, of our first dog that never left her side. If there is any kind of afterlife he would rip the devils throat out to be with her again.

She was never truly happy with life, being very shy herself and suffering anxiety from when she was a little girl. She went to the doctor several times and yet all he ever gave her were tablets that never worked. He didn't seem to even care. She thanked me for my help in the last years knowing that she was slowly dying. She even told me she loved me the week before she died. Yet there were so many things wrong, words unsaid, things that should have been done. It didn't have to be that way. Yet itís over, countless memories gone for good. I am brought back to being an emotional wreck again and its still only 1 PM. Shall I drink at lunchtime to block out some of the pain or go on a long walk all afternoon among the showers? I feel so very alone again. Nothing has worked for long, nothing.
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