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I enjoy writing and am seeking to clarify my thoughts, feelings and internal process.
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Walking alone

Posted 20th April 2014 at 07:16 by Star Rainbow

Waking up to a very different kind of weather than in recent days. Grey, covered sky, sound of wind, a more muted feel.

That's helpful in some ways, a permission to be quieter. Though the recent sunshine has been a total mood boost.

Yesterday, Saturday I took a longish nature walk with my camera and felt relieved that nature 'spoke' to me. Seeing, feeling? A movement of energy in seemingly static branches. The wonderment of spring growth.

Ferns unfolding in a circle, like dancers holding hands. Common sights uncommonly beautiful, such as a patch of golden dandelions.

We get a lot of visitors here at the weekend so I walked the quieter lanes and also had set out early.

My walks are 99.5% solitary; well it's just me. I go to experience nature connection, so it's not aloneness, and friends often say they would like to walk with me.

Maybe I could be more generous. Maybe I'm mentally harsh and rigid about what having their company would mean. Here are my reasons/excuses:

-Other people are less fit than me and it would be a drag to walk slowly (partly but not always true)

- Friends would yabber on and distract me from nature's presence. (true- but I would also receive the gifts of their presence.

- I would feel emotionally drained and overstimulated and need to recover (highly likely)

I would love to share my experiences with a gentle soul, with a fit constitution! I have known this before, someone I was in relationship with taught me how to walk this land, showed me the special places and their presence uplifted me and brought something new and special to my life.

The repeating theme and intuitive knowing within myself is - not now.

And this is the point I return to again and again; the crux of the matter - whether or not this SA is necessary, useful and part of a greater healing.

Keeping me out of relationship (with others) and holding me in relationship (to myself and to 'all that is')

Sitting with the question is painful and confusing, I've just requested more counselling as I can't make sense/peace with it on my own.

So for now, I continue to walk alone and wonder why and if this is how things are supposed to be.

I only have the question for company; maybe one day will I have an answer.

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  1. Old Comment
    Interesting read. I almost always walk alone as well. Most of the time I prefer it but sometimes I think it would be nice to go for a drink afterwards with others or talk about things.
    Posted 20th April 2014 at 19:44 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Star Rainbow's Avatar
    Yes, I know what you mean. I would like to share these experiences, the magic of it - some of the time
    Posted 21st April 2014 at 07:37 by Star Rainbow Star Rainbow is offline

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