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Posted 14th November 2014 at 13:19 by indigo777

[I][B]Why when there's so many of us are there people still alone?[/I]

Why - Tracy Chapman[/B]

I can walk out my front door right now and pass hundreds of people just going to the city centre and back. The earth is swarming with 7 billion people and growing fast. There are people every where it seems so why is it so f**king hard to find proper friends? Two reasons I think really, maybe, probably. First we as human beings are all extremely judgmental. Even the people who think they are not judge other people all the time quite instinctively, what they look like, dress like, what job if any do they do, what politics do they have, what age are they, what interests do they like? Even as purely friends and not relationships we usually pick people of a similar age who like similar things and dress in a similar way and are of a similar social status as us. Dustmen donít often have friends who are lawyers and road sweepers don't usually mix with bankers. Of course there are plenty of exceptions but science is about percentages and human behaviour is mostly a science if you look at things from an evolutionary point of view. [B]Even on a self help forum people often are quick to befriend us and assess us and then after the initial period is over often ignore us if we don't meet their standards[/B].This happens in real life too. We are often very friendly to strangers when we first meet them like a new starter at work for example and then after a few days after we think we know them we either like them or avoid them.

Of course the second reason is that we as SA people are socially inept. We are shit at making friends, talking to people and getting others to like us. We may think people are too good for us and not reply which is probably more relevant for people with low self esteem.This often isolates us further makes us even more paranoid and depressed. I imagine how hard it would be to just go online right now and make a proper friend. I would probably have to act normal, friendly and happy to be accepted and liked and in reality I am a miserable depressed nutcase on so many levels which is why itís only ever happened once.Its hardly surprising that so many people lie online to get people to like them, even more so on dating sites. This takes me back to that classic saying of you have to like/ love yourself in order to be liked by others. Itís just a bit hard to do that and produce instantaneous confidence if you have felt disliked at school, work and even online for so long.

I often wonder if people who claim to love/like themselves are actually in fact borderline delusional.
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