I probably need to vent which is the fair assessment of what is going on in my brain. This is if i'm going to sleep tonight.

Well i'm back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks off. Have I had a good holiday? It's been ok but nothing special. I've been disappointed with myself. I didn't achieve everything that I set out to do during the summer holidays. I'm sort of use to this though setting out plans socially but never actually coming close to achieve them. Anxiety always wins.
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I have been down this road before, scared to turn around, scared to speak or even look at the person next to me! I can't wait for the day to be over so i can go to bed but then can't wait for the night to be over so the ramblings in my head will stop, and just check that i'm still alive, but then also thinking i don't want to be. forever spinning round and round, when will it ever stop.

bending over the sink cleaning my teeth and looking in the mirror only to see my evil twin staring...

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the first time one of my dreams has ever finally came true!!!!!

Im considering the idea of giving up and letting my social anxiety and depression overwhelm and drag me down until I reach rock bottom. Perhaps that's the only way im ever going to find the motivation to really make changes in my life.

For the last year or so I have felt myself slowly getting worse in terms of my general happiness. Im not where I want to be in life, ive gradually let my social anxiety get the better of me and have hidden myself away more and more. I somehow have...

So, It all began in April 1999. Me an impressionable young boy being taken to my first ever football match by My Uncle and Dad.

I remember the game well Cardiff City v Torquay United. A third division match with less than 5,000 of us present. We drew 2-2 that day but it wasn't the result that was important to this 9 year old lad.

It was what I witnessed the determination and will of both sets players, the loud chanting, the singning the banter exchanged between both...