So, It all began in April 1999. Me an impressionable young boy being taken to my first ever football match by My Uncle and Dad.

I remember the game well Cardiff City v Torquay United. A third division match with less than 5,000 of us present. We drew 2-2 that day but it wasn't the result that was important to this 9 year old lad.

It was what I witnessed the determination and will of both sets players, the loud chanting, the singning the banter exchanged between both...

I feel like I'm slipping back down the slope a little to how I used to be. I was over weight, tired, depressed, run down and crying everyday... I've being doing good since then, more upbeat, signing on, now finally doing voluntary work but I feel so run down and stressed and now finding myself crying again. My nans been in hospital, lady at job centre putting unbelievable pressure on me, drained, tired. The way this is making me feel I feel like I'm losing touch with the world again. I can't be...

Wrote this poem in 2010 . . . nothings changed.


And now i am reaching the end of the line
With a lump in my heart and a tear in my eye
And a head filled with millions of scattering flies
That'll buzz till brain bursts and ill escape from this life

Escape from the waking and facing the day
Alone in a crowd when at work and at play
Alone to extreme as i sit in my home
Emotionless, sad, just sat like a clone

Im getting...

I woke up so serene, eyes still clouded with the mist from my dreams. I reached for fruit and called it breakfast in bed. Searched for my favourites on the screen and soaked in someone else's dreams.

Lonesome weekend, how come I never learnt how to be? Is this my curse for not believing?

At two o'clock I got on my feet, unknowing...

I want to write a blog about my thoughts on SAUK, this website that changed and kind of saved my life years ago. When i first discovered this place, it was amazing. Id never before heard, read or thought the words "social anxiety". In my mind, i was the shyest man in the world, weirdly shy, socially broken, unable to mix, unaturally nervous with others. The day i googled "extreme shyness" and was taken to SAUK, really did change my life.

I was back living...