I will use my second blog to focus on that very moment where you finally realise you have a problem and you then want to share it with your GP and attempt to do so.

However, before I discuss the subject of today's entry I have to say first of all guys I've been quite staggered that so many of you have taken the time to read my previous entry. I was really surprised by the numbers of you that read it I never expected that many to view it in the first place so I just have to say thank...

It's the morning of October 1st 2009. I wake up lying in a pool of my own vomit on my bed.

This wasn't just a night of heavy drinking at university. The feelings of being frightened, confused and distorted are not the typical feelings you would associate with a typical student night out. No....these were different.

These were feelings that I had never experienced before ever in my life. It was the first time in my life I myself had ever felt fearful for my own safety....

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When I hear people complain about their job, moaning about how hard or boring it is, one thought crosses my mimd: I want to say to them, imagine your job without all the banter, imagine going to work each and everyday and not talking to anyone. Imagine days and years on end with no laughter, no nicknames or little games. Imagine the looks in your colleagues eyes when they catch your gaze, not knowing whether to smile or attempt to talk to you, because history has shown you might not reply. Imagine...

I reached a point today where I lost the will, the will to keep up the self pretence that things aren't that bad and my life isn't a horrible world of frustration, anger, loneliness and despair. In a moment of clarity I said to myself that life won't ever be normal, ill never be as happy as I want, ill always live a struggled and unhappy existance. For a while I've forced myself to believe that social anxiety doesn't have to mean an unhappy life, but the reality is it probably does.
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