Sometimes it’s almost impossible to put the emotion of the way I have been feeling the last few years down into words. There is an overwhelming sense of loss, fear, inevitability and hopelessness all combined as one. Lost opportunities and chances, longing, yearning and blind faith. I often find myself listening to the same songs over and over, often highly emotional. I found it’s better to keep busy during daytime. If I can survive until evening without feeling desperate I can cope better so I’ve...

A few months ago you may have seen a few posts on me feeling culturally isolated and feeling bad for the fact that I lack common knowledge and popular culture.

Well a few months on, today, my colleagues mentioned if I had seen a popular film and I said no again. One of my colleagues kind of half jokingly, half feeling justified threw a paper ball at me for saying no. I'm not going to lie, the paper ball hitting me, did piss me off. I could've been more assertive but instead stiffened...

[B][I]All right, I'm giving up the fight,
I didn't know when I'd be a stranger again in my own land.
The days are okay, but oh, how I hate these long nights.[/I][/B]

The other day I walked through Marks and Spencer’s in town which I do quite often even if I don’t actually buy anything. I suddenly looked up and thought I saw someone I used to know from work looking back at me and grinning from the café section which is downstairs and next to the entrance. Thankfully as...

Today I remember two instances where I felt disliked. A caller at work seeming to hang up on me, I don't know if that was due to how I communicated and the Tesco shopkeeper who I think seems to dislike me for some reason. And in my Office I don't feel as cool or respected as my other colleagues by the people in the Chinese Office next door to us. They don't seem even 1% interested in me, although I do get on well worth one of my colleagues at least.

Luckily today aalthough feeling...

Today I went to my first Social Anxiety self help group. Tbh, it wasn't fully what I expected, but you know what they say if you don't seek you don't find.

A few women cried as they talked in the group and in the group generally the topic was on how to deal with Social Anxiety. It was interesting listening to what others had to say. I didn't speak that much and didn't feel I was much a part of the group.

I might go to the group again or might not, but I know I have...