I'm very concerned about coming across as too miserable and sad. I feel sad and hopeless on most days. I feel an emptiness and a longing and a fear of my worst dreams all coming true. If you have become accustomed to unhappiness and melancholy for so long then how do you change this, does it become part of who you are?

F**k demanding 3 positives for the day. I am content if I just dont feel like killing myself for a change.

The obsession with meets on SAUK fascinates...

Happy Summer Solstice! I wish i could have gone to a stone circle and set fire to something but there are none around here and being a recluse I have no friends or transport.

[IMG]http://theday.co.uk/images/stories/2012/2012-06/2012-06-20_solstice.jpg[/IMG]

Without stimulation and structure its very hard to stay motivated or have any kind of enthusiasm. Its so easy to get into the mindset of wanting to sleep later in the day, not leave the house and hide away, to want to give up.I often feel hopeless when I wake up and worse. I therefore forced myself to go out several times again. Its only a minor help though and does not have any long term beneficial effects.Its getting harder to do though.

First I went to the sculpture exhibition. To...

I am not sure I like being near people regardless of my SA. In a crowd I am always looking for an escape route, a way out or some peace and quiet on my own where I feel comfortable. Exposure therapy only seems to work if I am not anxious thus defying the whole point. If I could force myself to smile, make eye contact and talk fluently in social situations I would not have SA in the first place. In reality I often come across as Mr Beans more socially inept brother which other people often dont hide...

My anxiety was through the roof this week even after my long walk on Monday. Unfortunately I had to take a sleeping tablet Wednesday night but it seemed to help and made me more tranquil and placid. Rained all morning today but I went out this afternoon to a well known place. I like to see the horses with their young foals at this time of year. They are quite used to people and dont much care. The fields are bursting with life right now. There are so many places in the Uk I wish i could visit but...