So today was a bank holiday Monday. It’s almost always something I have hated. I still hated bank holidays even when I hated work and wanted days off because my job was so stressful. This goes back to my childhood when my family never went out or did anything on such holidays and I seldom had any friends to do anything with like normal kids did. There was always an unremitting boredom and tedium to such days like the most boring of boring Sundays. I usually had work or school the next day which...

I really envy those people who have found a way of controlling their way of thinking. I have seldom found true peace of mind. In dreams sometimes, maybe for brief periods but then lost again not to return for months or even years, quite beyond my control. Here, time as I know it does not exist. There were no days, weeks, months or even hours of the clock, only a form of existence where emotions and feelings lived. I sometimes had dreams so strong emotionally that certain music would awaken me with...

Someone once advised me to stay away from negative and depressing people in case they bring you down to their level. However what if you think of yourself as the negative one? What do you do then? What if you are afraid you will depress other people? Why on earth would you try to meet and befriend people if you know yourself to be depressing and miserable and are afraid of making them depressed too? It’s a vicious circle. You are depressed because of loneliness and other mental problems but can’t...

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[B][I]“When the last scene of all comes, and death takes his master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws and his eyes sad, but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death.”
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This was my first dog,Ben .I had him for 8 years....

Mothers’ day and the first one without her. Tomorrow would have been her birthday as well so I went to the cemetery bearing flowers. Yet still the dreams haunt me. Of trying to keep her alive in the final months, getting her to eat and drink, keeping her warm. Of comforting someone who knows they are going to die soon and they see their own body and mind start to fall apart. The waiting, the dreading, the knowing it will come regardless of praying or weekly visits to the cathedral and sitting quietly...