Now and then

I'm currently listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Despite its popularity and resulting slagging off as nothing more than elevator music I still think it's some of the greatest music ever written and touches my soul. On monday and tuesday I got up at midday. Thats the latest I have ever gotten out of bed in my life but I was beginning to feel chronically fatigued and had taken some particular tablets the nights before. I feel like I have suddenly aged 15 years in six months. I ache and am exhausted even after moderate exercise. I am trying not to drink too much on the bad days but they come around far too often now.Simple things are becoming harder and I long for peace of mind. The illusion of normality drifts further away with every passing day. I long for things that seem no longer possible to attain. The reality of life is that it is nothing more than survival of the fittest and evolution outranks all other criteria.If you are not one of us then you can F**k off says the human race on masse. But I don't want to be like one of you as you are mostly cruel and selfish and ignorant and arrogant. We kid ourselves that we are different to other animals when our basic instincts are alike in so many ways. I like the autumn. It's my favourite time of year. I hope it improves my mood.