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Shallow relationships, I may have an irrational view on this ? But why does ...

Posted 7th April 2018 at 10:33 by Alone.

it seem that society focuses on this more than genuine, meaningful relationships?

So kind of had this thought. At the moment I can say I have only 2 people in my life that genuinely support me and I am thankful for them. Idk if I would've met as genuine of people if I wasn't as socially awkward or anxious. I may but this is the thought that came to my mind.

I was at work the other day and there is this receptionist that reminds me of when I have worked and my interaction with office workers, even some meetup events. Like getting odd stares, not being greeted and being treated as if I am doing something wrong is common. When I saw the receptionist interacting better with my colleague he is less socially awkward, I thought is it really that bad if I don't get on with him. If I was to leave the workplace would he really miss me. There is also another colleague who is in the maintenance department that never says Hello or Bye to me, but converses with others. If I am honest it does make me feel somewhat bad, even the situation above but because it is an expected thing for me I am able to kind of suppress how I feel about the situation.

But I also find myself feeling a bit like I am proud that I know who cares about me and doesn't. Is someone who is able to pretend they don't see another person without getting to know them a person one would really want to know.

Weirdly the two people, that I feel are actually interested in knowing me as a person are completely different but are very similar in another way. They seem more open minded and interested in knowing people generally, I don't think on a deep level usually though. For example, my close friend of a few years, speaks to random people a lot. The other day I asked him how he knew a music producer he shared with me, he responds he just met him in the park and chatted when getting some weed. The other one, although she wouldn't be seen as the most committed cleaner and seems honest and open emotionally. In fact, if she has a good voice I would recon she would make a good singer as her voice is expressive. I saw her chatting with another student rather than getting straight to work the other day and thought that she is good with people. There are many other people like these two people I have seen.

Also with this first friend I remember when I we had a new colleague, he didn't get on with me. Rather he wanted to confront me it seemed, gave a "bad boy" walk around me but around this friend was completely calm and open. Like wtf, how does he do that. I can say that they put others before their selves in social situations it seems, or put others on the same level.

But it has also got me thinking this. Most people aren't as good of communicators as I thought they were or even as society says they are, idk if I am speaking rubbish. But they are less socially awkward and can mix with others better, but they aren't that understanding, neither do they know how to get the best out of other people.

It feels like society talks of the benefits of communication so that we are able to climb the career ladder and look good in front of others. It's about how to make friends rather than how to get to really know people, if you get what I mean. I've been Toastmasters two times, I didn't enjoy them, I can see the benefit of it but at the same time also wonder if it's overratted. Through Toastmasters, although I haven't taken part in it so I may be wrong, we learn how to communicate to an audience but I can't say we learn about connecting with individuals. Don't get me wrong, Toastmasters is still good but I question how good it is.

However, I know the few people I connect with, I wouldn't want to share tasks with as they are much more casual than me whereas I am kind of a perfectionist, lets get things done right type of guy. So I do think it takes all types to run the world. But if it's communication I feel I would rather follow these people I talk of than someone who uses lots of rigid rules for communication cause if I want to communicate I want to know people, interact with them, rather than look good but lack substance.

I notice with my new cleaning manager she is really nice, is trying to get us to know each other more. Got us to eat lunch together. And that isn't bad but to me it feels a bit too forced I am not able to feel less anxious around her. I think cause she constantly says I am so quiet seems to judge me, through looking at her facial expressions when she talks. I guess in a way if she just accepted me more I would be more comfortable around her, maybe acceptance makes a good communicator.
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