I woke up angry today, Tbh if I wasn't self aware I am sure that I would either die of a heart attack in 30 years time or do something evil. What I described in my last blog does make me angry and feels unfair. I don't feel pretending it doesn't make me angry would do much good, it would be me suppressing my real emotions and my anxiety, difficulty to express is due to suppressing feelings and actions.

I think I need to do something to release the energy since the energy isn't healthy,...

Today, for a few hours, I felt angry with how people have reacted to and misunderstood my anxiety. Also how limiting the effects of anxiety are.

One memory that came to my mind was the barbershop incident. Where I had been down for a few days after finishing a work skills program where I felt misunderstood. I decided to walk to the barbers. And the barber I had told me aggressively to sit up straight, said some Jamaican slang to which his peers laughed. And didn't cut my hair properly....

I don't know why this is painful to me, tbh I partially do. But I think I have to improve my communication skills. Always feeling ignored, unnoticed, like others think I don't feel emotions is not okay for me. And please don't tell me it's a part of life or that I can't please everyone because I see most other people are able to interact with others and have people that would ask them out for lunch or something. I also see that certain people are more likable.

A few weeks ago I was...

At my workplace it feels like I am learning about myself from others. As I have probably mentioned before, there is a woman who is vocally expressive, caring, seems satisfied with life and gets on with everyone, even me and the students. Probably even gets away with more stuff cause she is so liked. I feel it's mostly her character that is likable. Although she is silly sometimes, and I think is comfortable with herself, I envy her for how easily she gets on with others. I still like her as a colleague...

The title pretty much sums it up.

I'm alone, no-one would want to go out with someone like me. I mean, i play games and i spend whole days playing shogi online. Whenever i try to talk to people i sweat and i'm just kinda useless. I have no real good points about me. Looks like i'm going to be forever alone.

I'm bored because i have absolutely nothing to do with life. I guess GCSE's don't help but it still sucks.

GCSE's are stressing me out!!!!!
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