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Learning to give less of a f*ck

Posted 4th November 2014 at 23:44 by amara

A few months ago you may have seen a few posts on me feeling culturally isolated and feeling bad for the fact that I lack common knowledge and popular culture.

Well a few months on, today, my colleagues mentioned if I had seen a popular film and I said no again. One of my colleagues kind of half jokingly, half feeling justified threw a paper ball at me for saying no. I'm not going to lie, the paper ball hitting me, did piss me off. I could've been more assertive but instead stiffened up and got anxious trying to hide the angry energy and fearing the worst of appearing mad and angry. But something also clicked, it might be weird that as a young 20 year old I haven't watched some popular "must see" movies but honestly not watching them isn't a crime or a big deal, it doesn't impact anyone else apart from me. So it's not my problem, why should I give a thuck if a colleague is angry with what I haven't watched, or looks down on me for that, the way I see it is that it's that colleague who has a problem if he thinks it's alright to try and shame me for not watching a movie. Seriously, I felt like saying what is the big deal with not watching a movie when the scrunched paper was thrown at me, but I didn't, plain old fear of confrontation.

To be honest, not watching much movies or taking much part in popular youth culture is likely to make me automatically uncool as it opens up the fact that I wasn't cool in high school and maybe the tabooed fact that I was a socially awkward loner. But hey, maybe I just have to get comfortable with that. I know I am good enough, not mentally though, and I have some skills and interests so I feel like concentrating on that rather than trying to keep up with Jonses kids right now. Maybe it's easy for me to feel this way, in my bedroom and not doing the daily commute to college. I need to find people I relate to on certain aspects, if I can really stop caring about trying to tick other people's boxes of the typical male, I can sense myself finally being a free man living.

I really hope I don't feel self shame for harmless stuff again.

Plus I can bet I know lots of music my colleague wouldn't know, does that mean I throw a paper ball at him and shame him for it? Although my music taste isn't very popular or anything.
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  1. Old Comment
    MrDan's Avatar
    I would have personally responded to your colleages action by throwing a bowling ball back towards him.
    But yeah glad you figured out you don't need to carry the same interests as other people, diversity is a beautiful much needed asset in our life's.
    Posted 5th November 2014 at 01:08 by MrDan MrDan is offline
  2. Old Comment
    [QUOTE=MrDan;bt19059]I would have personally responded to your colleages action by throwing a bowling ball back towards him. :tongue1:
    But yeah glad you figured out you don't need to carry the same interests as other people, diversity is a beautiful much needed asset in our life's.[/QUOTE]

    Lol, i should have thrown the ball back at him. My colleagues are actually nice, the company is really small and right knit. But then I also do think they think people should be a certain way, idrk. But I hate how the boss always laughs and says a customer is weird after he has spoken to them on the phone. Maybe I hate my boss laughing out a customer is weird cause I have experienced being judged for SA. There seems to be lots of box ticking when it comes to judging people at my job but that seems like the nature of the job, so far it feels like I have learnt a bit to take it a bit less seriously as opinion is not fact.
    Posted 5th November 2014 at 06:16 by amara amara is offline
 

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