^^ Unfortunately cutting will only offer a short temporary release from the emotional pain and there's always the worry that a cut could become seriously infected and you're need medical assistance. I really hope that you can find a way to resist the urge to hurt yourself. I've heard that some people hold an ice cube in their hand until the feeling passes.
You've been doing so well coping with the worst situation imaginable and I know you're strong enough to get through this. Also, the world
needs lovely people like you who look out for their elderly neighbours and support people on a mental health forum even though they're suffering so much themselves.
