[MissKatie]

I'm sure you've all heard this one before.
I'm quiet until I get to know you.

I'm still quiet when I get to know you lol
I find people... exhausting. Yes, some of it comes from being an introvert, but also a lot from just being tired of people.

Call me cynical but I spent the last five years prior to this one being abused on a daily basis for existing as a trans person.
I was called so many horrible things and had people actively attempting to dox me in order to ruin my life and "feck you up"

It happened in 90% of my experiences online and around 20% negative in person (because people are a little afraid to be abusive to someone's face)
I just grew tired of people. I take my solace in games and YouTube.

So when people do want to talk to me now I am seen as a woman (they don't know I'm trans in this case) I always feel there's an agenda or if there isn't, I just have nothing to say.
I'm 37, I don't have kids or a family, I don't have friends, I don't have much free time because of my job and my free time is spent on YouTube.

It's not that I'm against small talk, after a cider or two and I'm in the zone, I'll chat all day about nonsense happily and not feel embarrassed by it.
But otherwise I just feel I don't care about others. I don't care about their interests or hopes or dreams.

I guess I've gotten very selfish as my self confidence has grown, I just can't be bothered with people.

Honestly my ideal world would be in a job where I'm working around people who can come to me for advice (as perhaps paradoxically I love to teach) and just be left to do my job.
Then I can watch YouTube after work and on my days off, a game or two.

I don't really know if there's a point to this post, it's just another of my rambling thoughts in my head things haha