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  #1  
Old 3rd November 2022, 22:44
Aelwyn Aelwyn is offline
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Default Eye contact

I find eye contact difficult, and have never been able to improve it, I think I must come across as quite shifty a lot of the time.

I've read that autistic people find eye contact too sensitising and even painful, however I'm not autistic, and that doesn't apply in my case. I think part of the reason is in case my reactions give away more than I want to about areas of my life I feel vulnerable about. But perhaps there are other reasons I'm not aware of.

If you have this problem, what do you think lies behind it? And has anyone here found a way to improve on their eye contact?
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  #2  
Old 3rd November 2022, 23:04
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I hate eye contact and have to remind myself to look at people from time to time. So I try to keep busy in a way and look up every now and then.

Not being too hard on yourself for finding it tricky is a good start. Eye contact with someone unfamiliar is always difficult and many people find that challenging. Reminding yourself to check in on their eyes every now and then rather than forcing yourself to painfully hold their gaze. I usually have something to fiddle with in a repetitive motion when I talk to people as well. Having something in my hands or a cup of tea or a drink, to give yourself acceptable moments to look away when it feels too much. This might be considered masking, so I'm not sure if it's healthy advice!
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  #3  
Old 5th November 2022, 15:01
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I always used to totally avoid eye contact,
Because I always felt it was somewhat invasive,
It either feels like I'm trying to dominate someone or I'm being dominated by them somehow,

I've always felt that direct eye contact feels wrong,

If someone is filled with hate or stupidity, then making direct eye contact is somehow being infected and affected by those emotions and being depressed or affected by it all,

Ignorance can be bliss,..
I'd much rather spend my time looking at a cloud or tree rather than 'having ' to make eye contact with someone.

So many people are full of psychological horrors, I really don't want to go there.
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  #4  
Old 5th November 2022, 19:08
Aelwyn Aelwyn is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

Thank you for your replies. It does feel like a difficult thing to be comfortable with. Biscuits - yes I like to have some kind of props in this situation too, I also like to find some excuse to get up and move around - getting someone a drink, pretending to be checking on something etc. What a drag it all is.
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  #5  
Old 26th November 2022, 13:38
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I seem to have taken a bit of a backwards step in my progress on this over the last year or so and I'm unsure as to why. I don't recall there being any trigger to it. I can only assume is the lack of social contact due to COVID in recent years is taking it's toll. A delayed side-effect as such.

At work, I can look people in the eye but they have to be some distance away. Close contact? I find eye contact incredibly difficult to do. When it comes to the majority of strangers, I've always struggled regardless of distance.

I'm sure I'll regain the ground I've lost over time, as I did work really hard to improve upon this. I certainly have more confidence in myself now than I did ten years ago.
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  #6  
Old 4th December 2022, 21:04
Bluenoise72 Bluenoise72 is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I used to think all the people I believed to be social
, confident people wouldn’t have eye contact problems
. I am not great at it but it’s easier on a one to one basis than in a crowd, anyway my point is that the times I’ve tried to look at these people whne speaking to them it’s almost always them that look away first or turn to do
Something while talking. It’s not a natural thing for most people in my experience
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  #7  
Old 15th January 2023, 11:14
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

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  #8  
Old 16th January 2023, 20:19
Nat36 Nat36 is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I can't stand eye contact. I can't even bear watching 2 people making direct, prolonged eye contact with each other. When I'm not in an overwhelming emotional state and it's in a neutral social situation I can manage enough that it looks ok to an observer. I tend to look at the bridge of the nose a lot to disguise my lack of eye contact I've noticed.
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  #9  
Old 19th February 2023, 15:22
Batman1973 Batman1973 is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

Hi,
I haven't been on this website for a while and I was just about to do a new post on this myself. Just to say that reading all of these it seems to me that everyone has a slightly diffferent reason to avoid eye contact. I feel so much for all of you who also have this, it makes life so tiring and uncomfortable, I'm desperate for something to help. Anyway I'll do a new post above to put some details up.
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  #10  
Old 19th February 2023, 18:20
wlien wlien is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I have this thing, when I'm looking at someone and they look at me a reflex reaction makes me immediately look away. It probably makes they feel uncomfortable and means the only way of eye contact is if they are looking at me first
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  #11  
Old 19th February 2023, 21:24
Gellerbing Gellerbing is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact

I subconsciously don't make eye contact when I'm speaking to people. I'll make eye contact if they're talking and I'll start with eye contact when I speak, but when I'm finished talking I realise I spent most of that time looking at the wall and I've no idea why. Then I'll worry about how that person must have felt I looked away, but I can't help it as I don't realise I'm doing it í*½í¸…
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