How to talk (lol)

[abbieasdfghjkl]

Hi! I started CBT a few weeks ago (think I’ve had 5 sessions) and I’m still really struggling with talking whilst there. I expected it to be hard but I really struggle to say anything other than yes/no answers (I’ve been banned from saying ‘I don’t know’) . We did some role play after scripting answers to questions and I could barely even repeat the answers back, even though it was just repeating what she said. I don’t know what’s stopping me but I have to really force myself to speak, and there’s always a long pause after her asking where I’m trying to get the words out…I really don’t know what to do 😬 does anyone have any tips on how to say more I guess? Otherwise I don’t see the point in carrying on going

[Dougella]

Is this the first time you've had any kind of therapy? I would say what you're experiencing is not unusual for someone who suffers from SA, I remember finding it very difficult to talk when I first started seeing a therapist and I think I was also told I couldn't say "I don't know" anymore!

It is ok to let your therapist know you're struggling with this (if you can, or even write it down if you don't think you will be able to get the words out) and see what they say. Also therapy can be quite a long process and you've only just started really

[biscuits]

I used to have severe selective mutism, so can really relate to your struggles. Being in situation where you feel forced to speak can be the hardest situation to be in. It would make me clam up even more. Counselling was really difficult. My counsellor used to become frustrated that I was giving her very much and she even told me that her other clients spoke more and she felt like she did most of the talking in our sessions. But the reason I was there was because I found it hard to speak and open up.

Something that you might find helpful would be to be given the scripts, questions and discussion points before the session. That way you could look at them when you feel a bit more relaxed. You can think about things to say without the pressure of having to do it on the spot.

[Bleaney]

Maybe if you start thinking along lines like "what can I do to get the most out of this. What can I prepare to talk about so that I have something to say. What can I do to help myself, and to help the therapist to help me."

Even if you just told the therapist exactly what you have said in your post here, that would be a big help, and a step forward in opening up some genuine dialogue between yourselves. If you are to get any benefit at all from the therapy you will need to do this.

Remember that this is a 2 way street. This is your chance to get help. It is up to you to make as much as you can from the opportunity.

I understand you may not quite be ready or able to do the above, but I think it could be a helpful and benefitial approach to try to go some way towards getting something out of the therapy.

[abbieasdfghjkl]

Originally Posted by Dougella

Is this the first time you've had any kind of therapy? I would say what you're experiencing is not unusual for someone who suffers from SA, I remember finding it very difficult to talk when I first started seeing a therapist and I think I was also told I couldn't say "I don't know" anymore!

It is ok to let your therapist know you're struggling with this (if you can, or even write it down if you don't think you will be able to get the words out) and see what they say. Also therapy can be quite a long process and you've only just started really

Can’t believe you were also banned from saying idk haha! And yeah first time, I was thinking maybe I would email what I wanted to say because I don’t think I’d actually say it in person…thanks for your reply, I definitely feel a little better about it 😅

[genovese]

Definitely write it down.
A combination of many things... SA, hyper vigilance etc, can leave you stuck with nothing to say.
If possible, try and write/email your thoughts & thought processes fully - without thinking "I'm gonna look stupid if I say this". Just write write write.
Hopefully this can start progressing your therapy

[abbieasdfghjkl]

Originally Posted by biscuits

I used to have severe selective mutism, so can really relate to your struggles. Being in situation where you feel forced to speak can be the hardest situation to be in. It would make me clam up even more. Counselling was really difficult. My counsellor used to become frustrated that I was giving her very much and she even told me that her other clients spoke more and she felt like she did most of the talking in our sessions. But the reason I was there was because I found it hard to speak and open up.

Something that you might find helpful would be to be given the scripts, questions and discussion points before the session. That way you could look at them when you feel a bit more relaxed. You can think about things to say without the pressure of having to do it on the spot.

I can’t believe your counsellor said that to you! I hope you found someone more understanding…and yeah that definitely sounds helpful, my mind just goes blank when I’m there & I hate not being able to prepare. Maybe I’ll ask

[abbieasdfghjkl]

Originally Posted by Bleaney

Maybe if you start thinking along lines like "what can I do to get the most out of this. What can I prepare to talk about so that I have something to say. What can I do to help myself, and to help the therapist to help me."

Even if you just told the therapist exactly what you have said in your post here, that would be a big help, and a step forward in opening up some genuine dialogue between yourselves. If you are to get any benefit at all from the therapy you will need to do this.

Remember that this is a 2 way street. This is your chance to get help. It is up to you to make as much as you can from the opportunity.

I understand you may not quite be ready or able to do the above, but I think it could be a helpful and benefitial approach to try to go some way towards getting something out of the therapy.

I’ll definitely try writing some things down, it’s so hard because every week I plan things to say but when I get there I can’t say them out loud

[Bleaney]

Originally Posted by abbieasdfghjkl

I’ll definitely try writing some things down, it’s so hard because every week I plan things to say but when I get there I can’t say them out loud

The therapist is there to help you, they should be able to see and understand what you are going through. But maybe just try to tell them how hard you are finding things, and hopefully they can try to help you work through things.

[Tonkin]

Yeah, maybe carry a notebook or use an app and jot down notes throughout the days as things pop into your head or you see something that you have an opinion on.

Then use the best few at the session as prompts.

Sounds a bit false maybe but it could get you more in the mode of thinking of things to say?

[genovese]

Anything you write I would send/email to your therapist before that weeks session.
And do that weekly until you feel gradually comfortable to voice more in the sessions.