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  #1  
Old 26th May 2022, 06:03
dave81uk dave81uk is offline
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Default Forgettable/invisible?

This term forgettable was mentioned to me recently in terms of my birthday when my colleagues never remembered mine but on my birthday they remembered that a colleague’s was coming up and even proceeded to buy a cake. You’re just a forgettable person. It’s made me think about social anxiety, I’ve always had social anxiety and always been an introvert, a combination probably that would make one a “forgettable” person. No where is it more noticeable than in the work place where the outgoing loud mouths gain promotions and the quiet types get no where. You’re only noticed when you leave and it becomes apparent that the loud mouths talk a good game but aren’t actually doing anything and the quiet guy it the one keeping the place going. If I look at life in general I am a forgettable person, we’d like to think in general people will remember us for something or like us but sadly I don’t think that is the case. The birthday situation mentioned previously really stung, but it’s an improvement on last year when a similar thing happened and my wife landed into work with a cake for me complete with candles lit 🫣. Are we forgettable/invisible?
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  #2  
Old 26th May 2022, 09:23
Tonkin Tonkin is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

I wondered if you were the wife/cake guy when I started reading this.

Seems a bit mean of them to plan someone else's birthday on your birthday.
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  #3  
Old 26th May 2022, 11:58
Nanuq Nanuq is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

I think so, to people in a superficial environment where they act superficially.
I think it's telling that we often describe others in environments like this as "loud/outgoing/gregarious/superconfident", when in reality they're probably just on the baseline for normal adult behaviour. Our withdrawal from others and mistrust of people and inability to express ourselves in the same environment is unusual.
It makes sense we are forgettable if we are unable to show anything of ourselves. It's like trying to remember a story of a film if no one had bothered to turn the sound on.

It doesn't mean that we have less worth. We might be forgettable in that superficial social environment and uniquely important somewhere else.
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  #4  
Old 26th May 2022, 12:06
Marco Marco is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Quote:
It's like trying to remember a story of a film if no one had bothered to turn the sound on.
A good analogy, Nanuq.
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  #5  
Old 26th May 2022, 17:07
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

I feel the complete opposite, but not in a good way. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, and I have a reputation as one of the local oddballs. I feel like I get a lot of negative attention everywhere I go. People always remember me because I'm such a freak.

I would absolutely love to be forgettable and invisible. I'd like nothing more than to be anonymous and blend into a crowd.
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  #6  
Old 26th May 2022, 17:29
Nanuq Nanuq is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

I don't think the OP was talking about anonymity or standing out in a crowd, I thought it was more about how much impact that you make in a cohort of people that you see regularly, like co-workers.
No one's anonymous in work, unless you have hundreds of colleagues maybe? I don't know, I can't imagine working in a place where you might go unnoticed, it's more about not making an impact on people who you see regularly and not building the kind of relationship where they would know/remember your birthday and then celebrate it.
Being forgettable/odd/weird...
they're all sides of the same coin, in that you're on the outside of a group, and it can be really hurtful.
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  #7  
Old 26th May 2022, 18:32
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Well I think I definitely make an impact on people, but a negative one. If it was my birthday I think they would actively avoid acknowledging it rather than forgetting it.

I tend to build negative relationships with others rather than not building them at all, which is why I think I'd rather be more forgettable.

I never mention my birthday to others and wouldn't be offended if anyone failed to acknowledge it. Especially at work, it's just like any other day to me and I'd be shocked if I was given a card or anything like that. I'm not in any way jealous of those who do get that sort of positive attention. Fair play to them they probably deserve it more.
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  #8  
Old 26th May 2022, 18:52
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

What! They actually said that you’re forgettable? What a charmer!
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  #9  
Old 26th May 2022, 19:03
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

That is very harsh if they actually said that. That's the worst kind of horrible passive aggressive thing to say to someone.
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  #10  
Old 26th May 2022, 23:18
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
What! They actually said that you’re forgettable? What a charmer!
That’s just an opinion though. Hurtful one I would hate to be told this as it would upset me and make me angry but then peoples opinions are not facts.
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  #11  
Old 26th May 2022, 23:24
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

^ it's such a weird opinion to voice to another person, isn't it!

"You're forgettable"

I'd be like, "try and forget this!" and then do a massive fart. (If I could fart on demand.)
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  #12  
Old 26th May 2022, 23:32
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alone.
That’s just an opinion though. Hurtful one I would hate to be told this as it would upset me and make me angry but then peoples opinions are not facts.
That's very true. And actually if someone was that bothered enough to make that comment then they probably don't actually find the person forgettable!
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  #13  
Old 26th May 2022, 23:58
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Your comment is comforting Nanaq though it makes me feel like maybe I am in the wrong workplace environment.
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  #14  
Old 27th May 2022, 01:41
Lee S Lee S is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

When I was having CBT sessions I was set a task to ask a friend to describe my personality. It obviously wasn't an easy thing to do but when I explained to my friend what I was doing in therapy and asked him to describe my personality, he said, ''you don't have one.'' That remark still sticks in my mind even though it was years ago now. The therapist just glossed over it but it felt pretty hurtful to open up and be told that by a 'friend' and I think it was a stupid idea in the first place because of the potential negative outcome, which is exactly what happened.

Maybe my friend was too thick to understand that everyone has a personality even if it's a quiet, introverted one. He could have said something like, 'you are loyal, caring, intelligent, trustworthy' blah blah, but no, those things seemingly don't matter if you're quiet and shy. Maybe he thinks personality means being like some shallow, obnoxious twat off Made in Chelsea or similar garbage. I'd rather be me thanks very much.
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  #15  
Old 27th May 2022, 13:39
The*Crafty*Elf The*Crafty*Elf is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

@dave81uk: I feel so bad for you. If someone called anyone "Forgettable" i think that's the most hurtful thing a person could say. But it shows me exactly what kind of a person They are! If anything like that happens again i would just ex-lax the *u** and humiliate him in public

@Mr Lee: You have more personality in the tip of your todger than your "Friend" by the sounds of it. I would say ditto for you, invite him around for some Coffee and cakes and ex-lax the smug tw@t. When you see it start to take effect just see him off so he can clean out his cage in the street

Ooooooh, i am one evil old Homo, aren't i?
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  #16  
Old 27th May 2022, 23:19
Lee S Lee S is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

^ I like that idea
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  #17  
Old 28th May 2022, 17:08
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by The*Crafty*Elf
and ex-lax the smug tw@t
What does "ex-lax" mean?
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  #18  
Old 28th May 2022, 18:01
The Devil, Probably. The Devil, Probably. is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

I'm very invisible, almost see through. As a person but also (as a consequence) whatever matters concern me. Women have never noticed me, my whole life. Being so short, timid and unimposing doesn't help matters. I am the type of person that women never would look at, or would remember if they have. Sometimes I see tall, bulky, manly men in supermarkets and think "it must be nice to be a real man with all the opportunities that would create".

Even with mental illness, I'm invisible. Mental illness has made me into an emotionless, unresponsive, robot that drifts through life like an empty husk in the air. Mental health services are calibrated, mostly, for those who present themselves loudly - loud and complex and colourful emotions, loud and challenging personalities, etc. There's nothing there for the person who is quietly and calmly disintegrating, albeit held together with a thousand wraparounds of duct tape.
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  #19  
Old 28th May 2022, 21:45
The*Crafty*Elf The*Crafty*Elf is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by limey123
What does "ex-lax" mean?
It's a little stool loosener, my dear
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  #20  
Old 30th May 2022, 18:42
Quietman Quietman is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

I've been told in the past I'm very boring and that not many people would remember me from a crowd which is true I guess, I don't even like myself really.
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  #21  
Old 30th May 2022, 19:30
The*Crafty*Elf The*Crafty*Elf is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

^Well, we like you, Quietman
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  #22  
Old 3rd June 2022, 15:43
Bored Bored is offline
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Default Re: Forgettable/invisible?

When walking down a busy area why do people walk straight at me and expect me to move out of their way!
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