I'm aggressive and upset all the time

[Shining Star]

It's scaring me because I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb. Lately I've been so frustrated and down that if anyone yells at me or talks to me like crap I give it back worse, so far I've yelled at a workmate and my driving instructor. When I do it I scare myself and my heart races but my mouth just goes and I say it like it is, I say what I think and after I'm left feeling terrible and scarily half pleased for standing up to myself. I'm scared that I'll blow up so much I might cause mega friction with someone or I might end up with people completely avoiding me altogether.

Lately I've felt really down, tired and frustrated with my life, I have no friends at all, I haven't got a boyfriend. I feel so alienated and no one cares about me, both side of my parents family don't bother talking to me much and I feel whenever I speak to my parents they don't listen to me. My life is spent going to work, getting home and going on my laptop, watching a movie or gaming. I've been crying constantly cos I feel so invisible and unwanted. Things from my past keep bothering me too and I struggle to sleep. I can't cope.

[thaigreen]

You have alot of anger and frustration. Considered pouring it into something?

Exercise or a martial art? I feel so much like you, and smashing the pads takes the edge off so significantly.

Just a thought

[umm]

@ Shining Star, well, we'll listen to you here, so don't worry about that. Many of us have been, and still are, in the same situation. This:

"Things from my past keep bothering me too and I struggle to sleep."

in particular resonated. I think of it as "demons crawling through my head". It's usually if I'm bothered by something - some workmate being a bit funny, whatever, and before I know it, every bad thought I've ever had comes creeping back unbidden. It's a massive pain and if it happens when I'm trying to sleep, I get up because sleep ain't gonna be coming.

But I do think lot about the mechanics of this, and what underpins it. It all, for me, stems from low self esteem. The same things, the same thoughts, the same actions by a co-worker, can have either crushing effect (if I'm feeling small) or next to none (if I'm feeling on top of things). So it's about managing the way I feel about myself. Just recently, I've sort of embraced the way I am and basically refused to define myself by someone else's opinion of me. It's a choice you can make. If someone makes you feel crap, why give them the honour of taking your cues about yourself from them? Why let them call the shots if they're going to do such a poor, such a demoralising job of it? Screw them. I ask myself: what do they know in any case? Then it frees up my mind to consider and enjoy nice things, and many problems melt away when that happens. It's an attitude shift. It works wonders, but of course, it's easy to lose sight of from day to day.

One other thing: about the sleeping. Here's a little thought experiment I conduct on myself when I cannot sleep. Aside from the fact that, whatever the problem is, it can wait because I'm not going to solve it by staring at the ceiling, I try and stop my mind. Some people clear their mind, or focus on something, but my goal is to cease all mental activity. If a thought comes along, bat it away gently. It's almost like my mind is a flywheel, or other moving thing, and each thought is a movement, and all I'm doing is stopping it moving. When that happens, I often drop right off without even feeling tired. I just go *poof!* out like that

Hope this is of some use to you!

[Princess39]

Gee,I could've wrote that myself only a few months back..I knew I had to do something because I felt like if it did'nt, something would get out of control..and that scared me.So I tried meditation.It helped me to accept my feelings and to focus on dealing with the issues I was having.It helped straight away.You need to quieten your mind and try relax your body..once you learn how to do that,you will feel more at ease to deal with things.Please try and give it a go,it helped me enourmously and even now if I feel myself slipping back,I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down and re-focus.
Also,if you're not on any medication,I would suggest seeing a Doctor and maybe being prescribed something if it would help.That too helped me feel much calmer.All the best.

[Starry]

This is how I was feeling recently too. I had so much anger just bubbling inside me and if anyone upset me then I'd just lose it at them or burst into tears.
I started writing down all the reasons I was angry/stressed/upset and it really helped not having it all flying around my head. I've also started doing yoga which has helped a lot too.
I agree with Princess39 about giving meditation a go, I do 10mins after my yoga at night and it really does make you feel calmer and more able to cope with the world!
I really hope things start to get better for you soon x