How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Percy]

Sorry mo, i failed to see you hadn't been around for awhile.

[Mo34]

no worries Percy.

[Dougella]

^^^ I had been wondering where you were Mo!

I really hate that thing that some of them have about not making diagnoses, if we don't get a diagnosis we have a lot less chance of being able to access appropriate help and support. Silly people.

[Mo34]

^ lol I suspect that's one of the reasons why they do it tbh.
Though I don't think there really is any help and support particularly for sa/Avpd sadly with the NHS. Still I shall keep being a thorn in their side

[Dougella]

^ You're probably right, it's so ridiculous. Yes do!

[choirgirl]

A diagnosis would be helpful, as long as it's accurate.

[Mo34]

^^ Thanks Nanuq

^ Yes, I guess that is the problem. The psychologist seemed nice enough, she seems to be the lead and quite senior. As to accuracy

[girlinterrupted]

@Consolida I'm so sorry your family is having to go through so much

@Mo34 belated wb! I've had the same thing re non-diagnosis-diagnosis. They just talk around it `well it could be seen as X but I don't think that would be a helpful label`. Why bring it up then!! Good lord it's frustrating.

I feel shit, basically. Not too sure how to get it to sod off either, usual avenues either don't exist or haven't worked yet. On we plod I guess, something must work at some point

[Tubbs]

@ Consolida I'm so sorry for all you and your mum are going through, I can't imagine what that must be like. Love to you and your family.

[Mo34]

^^ Thanks GI. Yeah it is annoying.

Just had my last graded exposure appointment, was short and sweet. She said psychology are still thinking about it all and will get back to me. So who knows. I always expect to be fobbed off to be honest.

[LittleMissMouse]

I think I'm going a little bit mad, my anxiety, about everything, not just in a social context has gone absolutely off the chain in the past few months. I can spend entire days panicking about the most trivial of things. I've also started this thing where I will spend the whole day worrying about things that happened 10 years ago - utterly ridiculous stuff like whether I've at some point forgotten to pay a bill from 10 years ago and now have some massive fine with interest accrued and a criminal record waiting for me when I move back to the UK - there is whole host of other ridiculous things to worry about, I don't like to limit myself to just the one topic.

I think it's to do with just having too much time on my hands to worry about stuff, at least I hope it is, I'm sure I'm putting myself in an early grave with this.

[LittleMissMouse]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^ Do you think the whole pandemic thing might be getting to you? I don't really mean worrying about it specifically, but I am panicky a lot lately and panic isn't something I used to have, I feel like maybe the anxiety surrounding the pandemic and the general feeling of something being terribly wrong all the time over the past year has had a sort of cumulative effect.

Yes, absolutely, I think the pandemic has just given me too much time alone with my thoughts and things that normally you wouldn't give much time to just seem to grow and grow. I am a natural worrier at the best of times but definitely the conditions that the pandemic has imposed have just fostered an environment where there isn't much to do apart from worry about stuff.

[biscuits]

^ & ^^ Sames.

What you put, Lil Mouse, is exactly how I have been feeling! It's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one who is experiencing this. All of my worries have been piling up on top of each other. I feel so guilty about talking to anyone about it because everyone is having a rubbish time at the moment, so I've been bottling it all up and pretending to be okay, when I'm really not.

[Mo34]

Tired but good. Got the train to Bognor and met up with a friend. We were supposed to meet on boxing day but lockdown happened. Sat on the seafront, had a walk, little wander in the town and a bag of chips. Really nice to be somewhere different and the weather was thankfully lovely.

[hellotiger]

^That’s really nice to read. I’m glad you had a good day Mo

[Mo34]

Thanks hellotiger

[LittleMissMouse]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ & ^^ Sames.

What you put, Lil Mouse, is exactly how I have been feeling! It's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one who is experiencing this. All of my worries have been piling up on top of each other. I feel so guilty about talking to anyone about it because everyone is having a rubbish time at the moment, so I've been bottling it all up and pretending to be okay, when I'm really not.

I'm beginning to think this is a genuine pandemic thing, I was speaking to a friend just now and we were exchanging lists of ridiculous things that we had been worrying about in the past week. At least there is light at the end of the tunnel with the pandemic so I'm hoping that this might lead to the hours spent in panic about things that happened 10 years ago receding a bi too.

[Consolida]

Thank you to all the folk who have said kind things


I'm feeling so frustrated.
We phone the Hospital everyday to find out what is happening with my mum and no one will tell us anything. The Nurses say that only a Doctor can give us more than the most basic of information but when we are told that a Doctor will call us he/she doesn't phone. And so it goes on. We can't go to the Hospital in person because of the Pandemic


Also feeling a little sad and envious.
Our neighbours are moving away tomorrow. They gave us some flowers and chocolates to say thank you for being good neighbours. The place they are moving to is surrounded by countryside with not an ugly housing estate in sight. I wonder if anyone will notice if I hide in the removal van? If it wasn't for the Pandemic they wouldn't be moving. It's only because they had a lot more time on their hands and realised that they wanted to live somewhere nicer where they could step out of their door and go for lovely walks. Knowing our luck we will now end up with the neighbours from hell.

[Tonkin]

Does anyone really struggle to get anything done?

My work output has almost ground to a halt as I can't seem to be able to get myself to do the work, despite sitting at the computer.

[Consolida]

^ Thank you Nanuq x
I was able to phone my mum and she was moaning that she had a soggy egg sandwich for her tea last night so I think she's kind of on the mend, apart from the cancer that won't be going away. We shall try - again - to talk to a Doctor today.

Most of the new neighbours that are now moving into our street are Londoners so the place is starting to have a very different feel that I don't much like. I would LOVE to move to the country someday, Nanuq, when my husband isn't tied to his work and my 18 year old is older and settled.


My tooth ache has flared up again. I knew the Dentist hadn't given me enough antibiotics to get rid of the infection

[Mo34]

I'm glad you got to speak to your mum Consolida

As frustrating as it is not being able to talk to a doctor it may also be a good sign, if they were worried they would be ringing. Not much consolation I know when you desperately want to know/ are worrying about what's happening.

[Consolida]

@ Nanuq - I hope your chest infection doesn't come back
I was only given 3 days worth of antibiotics for my tooth which I don't think was nearly long enough and now the pain is back worst than ever. I'm not a Doctor or Scientist but surely giving too short a course is how bacterial infections become resistant to treatment?


@ NLH - Yes, it's the thought of the neighbours moving forward with their lives that in all honesty saddens me more than the loss of good neighbours. These neighbours were much older (about 70) so maybe for me, this time, it was just another reminder about the march of time and of life passing too quickly by. However, I remember experiencing what you describe in the past like when I observed a young couple and their baby moving out of the flat opposite mine. I felt this huge pang of sadness that I can't quite describe as their car disappeared for one last time around the bend of the road. I mean, I actually shed some tears which was totally bizarre considering I had never spoken to this couple and knew nothing about them. I think it was just that their progression shone such an unforgiving light on my own empty and static existence. There's nothing more depressing than watching other people carrying on with their lives on the other side of the window.


@ Mo - Thank you


Well, I'm feeling temporarily relieved tonight. My mum was discharged from the Hospital but she is very frail and I couldn't relax until I knew she was safely tucked up in her own bed. It's frightening how quickly an elderly parent can go from being quite independent to very likely requiring permanent care and help. It's looking increasingly likely that the Chemotherapy nearly killed her last week so the only option now is looking like palliative care. I'm so glad to have my mum back but for how long for I don't know

[Dougella]

^ That's so good that your Mum is back home but it must have been so frightening for all of you

[Marco]

That is so well put, Consolida! I totally get what you and NLH mean. The 'unforgiving light on my own empty and static existence' absolutely resonates with me. I really struggle with similar horrible feelings and consequently (or maybe it's because) I suffer a lot more from a kind of agitated depression these days, which is also seriously affecting my sleep.

Btw, so glad your mum is home. I lost my dad last year. He died in hospital and I couldn't visit him because of the Covid restrictions. It was terrible!

[newbs16]

@Consolida I'm pleased to hear that your mother is back at home, it sounds like it's the best place for her. At least her family can be around her and she can have a better quality of life. Thinking of you and your family.

[biscuits]

^ aww that is such good news . Hope you do something a little bit nice to celebrate.

@Consolida how lovely for your Mum to be back home, it must be a huge comfort for her to be able to be back in her familiar surroundings.

[choirgirl]

That's great news Nanuq. Van plan back on?

Consolida - that is good your mum is back home. I know what you mean about watching life through a window. Perhaps my real life is behind a pane of glass, and it gets thicker over time, and you have to smash really hard to get into it.

[Mo34]

Glad your mums back home Consolida

[Unseenpoet]

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[Percy]

Currently battling dark thoughts