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4th January 2022, 21:04
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Welcome SpectralOwls!
Still in teenage mode. Got to get back into business mode. Where are you, business mode? Teenage mode: lots of time by myself in bedroom, I need even more time to myself than usual, insanely self obsessed, mood swings, wanting to move out and live my own life (already had that one though). All this while thinking I'm past it which is very confusing to my brain. It does not surprise me that I am having my second puberty in my bedroom. Just like the first one.  If anything, I was way more active and sociable and self-improving the first time around!Being restored to yourself after all this time is good though. It's like a religious experience, except it's true. Last edited by choirgirl; 4th January 2022 at 21:34. Reason: Too much laughing at own jokes 
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5th January 2022, 00:49
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
 to the UK, SpectralOwls!
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5th January 2022, 01:10
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
That back to school feeling.
I like my job in parts and can near-convincingly frame it so I feel lucky to have it. But I wouldn't be entirely upset to log on Thursday morning and learn the place has burnt to the ground, somehow knocking out the essential infrastructure that enables me to work remotely. I wonder what that intranet news item would look like and whether they'd illustrate it with an appropriate stock image...
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5th January 2022, 01:35
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
I hope it gets easier for you soon, Consolida
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5th January 2022, 13:20
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Angry
I went for a work trail yesterday. I didn’t get the job I found out today. But the job was very simple. Being a kitchen porter. Except because it wasn’t busy, I know as I’ve been a KP before, it felt like the job was more about fitting in with the group than actually washing dishes. I was anxious, I also haven’t brought new clothes for a while so feel so out of sync and like my clothes doesn’t fit in with my peers, it was in Central London so people dress more trendier. So I thought I came across socially awkward. I feel like ranting. I feel anger towards society. Idk if it’s logical. Before I use to WhatsApp my only friend, I feel we are drifting apart, about my issues at work and that I suspected that I had autism. He used to constantly brush this off as me being overly complacent. But my work trail yesterday confirms that my issues were genuine. I am autistic, I have been known to be a hard worker, but am definitely the victim of silent treatment, passive aggressive behaviour and bullying at work. Now I feel like we can’t really be friends unless I confronted him about this issue and we had an actual discussion about him. I can’t be friends with someone who dismisses the issues that affect me deeply. Also my granny and constant comparisons. I can’t really talk to my mum about my issues. And then because I can’t talk about my issues, I don’t feel like anyone takes them seriously. I feel like I have to play the role of being dumb because I’m quiet or incompetent. I feel the need to hide certain things that go against what I assume peoples ideas of me are. Because I didn’t grow up around many people I even feel uncomfortable around kids sometimes and women. Some kids are alright, all of them are, but because of todays society I think I’m probably seen as someone not to be trusted around kids rather than having someone look into why I react or feel the way that I do. I’m frustrated. 
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5th January 2022, 13:38
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Quote:
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But I do miss him. I keep feeling like, "oh no I need to let him outside now!" But then he's not here.  Apparently he's been peeing a lot at her place lol, but thankfully she has wooden floors so it's easy to clean up. What a brat haha
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5th January 2022, 15:55
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Welcome to the UK, Spectral Owls! 🎉🎉 Good luck in all your new adventures!
Do you think you'll be able to bring your dog over eventually? You must be missing him terribly.
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5th January 2022, 19:52
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
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I've had a lovely afternoon in the park cafe with the knitting group I go to. I was just saying to someone that it's the first time I've really felt like I have friends. I normally hate birthdays as they just bring back bad memories but today has been lovely, I also got a lovely cuddly sloth from my OH 
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5th January 2022, 21:37
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
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I do miss him so much still! But the plan is for me to pick him up in late spring hopefully. I have to see how he'll be doing and if he seems capable of flying. I hope things will work out!
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5th January 2022, 22:49
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ I shall keep my fingers crossed for you that your dog will be able to join you here in the Spring
@Chess&Junkfood and Percy - Thanks  Quote:
 I've only had it since I've started tapering off my meds and it's a common symptom of withdrawal so I'm really hoping I won't be stuck with it forever. @ nothing_special_2501 - It sounds like you've been having a really tough time of it lately I'm sorry that you didn't get the job as a kitchen porter. You say that it's a simple job, but when you suffer with social anxiety even simple things can feel so daunting can't they. I think it's really commendable that you are working and going for interviews as a lot of SA folk aren't able to do that. It's a real pity that your friend isn't able to provide you with the support that you'd like but perhaps it's hard for him to understand Autism and mental health problems and to know the right thing to say to you if he doesn't struggle with similar issues. As for your gran comparing you to others, I wonder if that's a generational thing as I remember my elders always being like that with me too. It's darn annoying for sure, but try not to take it too much to heart and be proud of being the unique and authentic person that you are. @ Azalea- Aw it's so good to hear that you had a lovely birthday with friends and your other half. It sounds like you've come a long way since you first joined SAUK x
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6th January 2022, 03:35
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
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I'm also trying to enjoy the things I do have rather than being upset about things I can't control such as my grandchildren.
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6th January 2022, 22:14
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ it does sound extremely hard, no wonder people get stuck on them for such a long time. If you can get any advice from people on the support groups or anything like that maybe see what they say.
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7th January 2022, 00:21
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
I think you are doing great, Consolida! You have already made such fantastic progress! While also being so supportive! I think you are a tower of strength! And I'm certainly cheering you on to succeed!
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7th January 2022, 09:03
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
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7th January 2022, 16:09
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Thanks Dougella, ChessandJunkfood, Percy, SpectralOwls and Azalea for your support. For what it's worth, I think you lot are amazing too
I haven't taken any extra Lorazepam (I've been binging on chocolate instead) and am sticking to my taper. I'm feeling ever so very slightly less mental today and am just trying to take one day at a time.
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8th January 2022, 18:04
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
I'm feeling distraught..
It's now well over a week since I was last allowed to see my mum in Hospital because of restrictions on hospital visiting. When she went in she had the cancer and a worsening fractured back which meant she wasn't even able to get up from her chair, but now she has a serious chest infection, and when I phone her she is increasingly disorientated to the point that today she has full blown dementia. A week ago she was mentally very sharp. I feel like that place has taken my mum away and replaced her with someone else. Nobody ever phones from the ward to give me any updates and it's always me who had to phone. I phoned earlier and the Nurse said that she didn't know anything about my mum and that a Nurse who does would phone later. I'm still waiting. I know the hospitals are understaffed and we have to be careful because of Covid but this is ****ing inhumane. My mum said she thought about killing herself but is trying to remain strong. What would someone else do if this was their loved one? If someone bothers to phone I'm going to insist that they allow me to see her and if they refuse I'm going to turn up on the door and do battle with the security guards. No wonder my mum believes that she's in prison! Sorry for the vent but I'm bedside myself with worry and needed to let off some steam somewhere
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8th January 2022, 18:47
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^^ Yes, absolutely insist that you go and see her, you are her next of kin and you have been her carer since she has been more ill. You absolutely should be able to make sure that she's getting the proper care and also that she's not too distressed, which it sounds like may be starting to become a problem. (Even something like dehydration can make an older person start to become confused can't it, so they have to watch that carefully and unfortunately sometimes staffing levels mean that keeping a close eye on a patient's liquid intake can slip.)
You're fully vaccinated, you take regular tests anyway and no-one in your household is positive any more so there's no reason you shouldn't visit.
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8th January 2022, 20:08
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ A Nurse didn't phone back as was promised so I phoned the ward again, asking if I could see my mum. She responded that it's against Hospital policy to allow any visits. I informed her that my mum has been sounding more and more distressed and disoriented when I phoned her each day and that she now sounded like someone with severe dementia and the Nurse replied "Ohh, if she has dementia then you can visit" I said that my mum was totally dementia free just over a week ago and then the Nurse hesitated and admitted that she'd been looking at the wrong patient notes. After that it was back to telling me that visiting is against Hospital policy.
I want to drive to the hospital but there's no way that security will allow me to get in. There's always at least 2/3 burly guards on all the entrances. My husband says that I'm letting my heart rule my head and should wait until Monday when there might be Doctors available and I could make a complaint to PALS. I guess he is right but this is absolutely killing me
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8th January 2022, 20:13
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ So if someone has dementia they're allowed visitors, but not if they don't. Doesn't seem very sensible. You could tell a little white lie, and say to whoever tries to stop you visiting that your mother is showing signs of dementia and you've been told you're allowed to visit.
Your husband is probably right about what he said, but I can see why you are finding it so difficult.
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