How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Consolida]

^^ Sorry to hear that Percy. Cancer sucks

@ Tom123 - Sounds absolutely awesome!

Originally Posted by biscuits

^^ it's a huge adjustment, especially when you have such a lovely sounding son and a close relationship. It's an experience of loss.

How about the sauk ladies meet?

Yes, it certainly feels like a kind of loss Biscuits, especially as my life used to revolve around being a mum and I got such a lot of fulfilment from that.
Also, because my son has thrown himself into the social side of Uni and has already made lots of friends (which I'm over the moon about of course) it's got me thinking about the 19 year old Consolida and how very different my life was. My SA was already severe, I'd started work and was being harassed and bullied by colleagues, and had taken my first overdose. It's quite sad really.


Ladies meet? Hmm, I'll have to take a rain check on that Biscuits

[Dougella]

^ It's great to hear your son is getting on well at uni

[magnolia]

Day off work.
Looks like today will be a self pity day.
I just want to sleep in bed all day and think about being someone else.

I feel like shit.

[Consolida]

^

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ It's great to hear your son is getting on well at uni

Thanks Dougella. Yes, he's enjoying Uni particularly the social side of things which is a huge relief. As a parent with crippling SA I've worried endlessly that I might 'pass it on'.


I'm feeling so tired again. I'm going for a blood test tomorrow and am hoping it might show something up that can easily be put right although nothing is ever that simple.

[Dougella]

^ You did a really good job of parenting! And I'm glad to hear your son doesn't suffer with SA too, it's awful.

Good thing you have a blood test booked atleast!

[Consolida]

^ I think I was/am probably a rubbish parent but it's nonetheless very kind of you to say

The blood test is one where I have to fast so I'm going to struggle with that

[Dougella]

^ No you're not, your son wouldn't come back and visit you often if you were

Oh no that's the worst kind.

[Mellie]

Feeling pathetic

[Percy]

You're not pathetic Mellie

[anxiouslondoner]

Like I can relax a bit.
Well, for two days at least.
Now for the not knowing what to do phase.

[Professor Willow]

Pretty hopeless right now.

In order to change my medication I will have to taper off the antidepressant I have been on for 14 years and then wait a week before starting the new one which will probably take a few weeks or months to settle down.

I'm already at rock bottom with my anxiety and depression and now I face the problem of being self employed and potentially having a lot of time off work.

I've no idea how I'm meant to pay bills if I'm not working, I'm already struggling as it is.

My family are being as unsupportive as ever.

[biscuits]

^ are you getting support for anxiety as well as medication? I always found medication never worked for the anxiety I experience because when it strikes it's all consuming - repetitive and obsessive thoughts like I'm going to burst: so being taught how to manage that was helpful. Having a bit of a safety plan - recognising potential triggers and having steps to deescalate it, having a list of supportive people to talk to - that can include online. It sounds like the lack of support in your family is meaning that you're bottling it all up or that you're being made to feel like you're not being listened to and that feeling of isolation is anxiety's best friend - like petrol on a fire. My main strategy is knowing that I struggle to cope with it on my own and need to make sure I speak to someone to help me unpick the worries to lessen the anxiety. Feeling listened to and challenged in a supportive way really helps me. Sorry if this sounds a bit jumbled my head is fuzzy.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

fat. Like a tyre around my waist. No real clue how to get rid of it.

[cymruambyth26]

I'm feeling shook up. I choked on a big piece of chicken in a Wetherspoons last night and had to be taken to hospital. Thankfully it cleared while I was waiting in A&E but it was scary I had to have slaps on the back and a member of the Wetherspoons staff performed abdominal thrusts on me. It was horrible for my anxiety as well because it happened in public in a busy place and people could see what was happening. I'm still trembling this morning.

[Dougella]

^ Oh no, that must have been so scary

[cymruambyth26]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ Oh no, that must have been so scary

It was...because I did start going unconscious and you think am I going to die? I was just glad two of my friends from university were there and responded so quickly.

[cymruambyth26]

Some population groups have a higher choking risk, such as the elderly, persons with disabilities (physically or mentally), people under the effects of alcohol or drugs, people who have taken medications that reduce the ability to salivate or react, patients with difficulties in swallowing (dysphagia), suicidal individuals, people with epilepsy, and people on the autism spectrum.

This provokes curiosity. I will look into this but just the fact that I'm waiting to be assessed for autism, live with an anxiety disorder and I have problems with swallowing is interesting when I read this.

[Dougella]

Good thing your friends were there to help!

^ That is interesting.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by cymruambyth26

Some population groups have a higher choking risk, such as the elderly, persons with disabilities (physically or mentally), people under the effects of alcohol or drugs, people who have taken medications that reduce the ability to salivate or react, patients with difficulties in swallowing (dysphagia), suicidal individuals, people with epilepsy, and people on the autism spectrum.

This provokes curiosity. I will look into this but just the fact that I'm waiting to be assessed for autism, live with an anxiety disorder and I have problems with swallowing is interesting when I read this.

That sounded like a really awful experience for you,...
I'm so glad people were around to help you,
I suppose it's something that could be a positive outcome from this,..?
That there's a lot of helpful people out there who will do what they can to help a fellow human in need?

I've suffered with this too for years,..
I'm fine eating on my own at home
But if it's a meal out in a restaurant with a lot of strangers then I'm very prone to choking,
It's a socially anxious thing for me,
If I'm agitated by the stress of the atmosphere in the restaurant where I maybe feel I'm being scrutinized or watched in some way then I have difficulty eating and swallowing.

I hate that feeling of trying to contain the situation by not choking and quickly grabbing some water,... but once I do start coughing on blocked food then it soon becomes a "scene"
I hate seeing the concern and worry on people's faces and just pray it'll quickly subside and I can catch my breath again.

[Tembo]

So good your friends helped so quickly, and the staff helped too. Must have been very scary and I’m glad you’re ok now!

[cymruambyth26]

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

That sounded like a really awful experience for you,...
I'm so glad people were around to help you,
I suppose it's something that could be a positive outcome from this,..?
That there's a lot of helpful people out there who will do what they can to help a fellow human in need?

I've suffered with this too for years,..
I'm fine eating on my own at home
But if it's a meal out in a restaurant with a lot of strangers then I'm very prone to choking,
It's a socially anxious thing for me,
If I'm agitated by the stress of the atmosphere in the restaurant where I maybe feel I'm being scrutinized or watched in some way then I have difficulty eating and swallowing.

I hate that feeling of trying to contain the situation by not choking and quickly grabbing some water,... but once I do start coughing on blocked food then it soon becomes a "scene"
I hate seeing the concern and worry on people's faces and just pray it'll quickly subside and I can catch my breath again.

Thank you for your comments. Yes, I think this could be a turning point and could lead to positive outcomes for me. I will be contacting my GP surgery on Monday morning to get an urgent appointment. My friends were brilliant with me, and they know everything about me but yet I really saw their mothering and caring side last night (they're both female as you might have gathered) and also the kindness of strangers and people who worked in the pub.

Yeah for me it doesn't matter where the location is it seems. It happens at home and in public. Last night was the first time I had a choking event in public which has scared me and got me worried it could happen again. This could also spoil the social life that I do have which is already not great because of social anxiety.

It could be that it's worse when I'm in public because of the anxiety and the pressure and stress of being in a busy environment but yeah it seems to happen regardless of the location for me.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

[cymruambyth26]

Originally Posted by Tembo

So good your friends helped so quickly, and the staff helped too. Must have been very scary and I’m glad you’re ok now!

It did restore my faith in the human race. I experienced the kindness of strangers last night as well.

[Tembo]

Originally Posted by cymruambyth26

It did restore my faith in the human race. I experienced the kindness of strangers last night as well.

Yes it shows there are some good people about.

—————-

I don’t think I’ve ever disliked myself as much as I do now. Still stuck in a rut like I have been for years, and don’t seem to have as much hope as I did. I haven’t given up, but I seem to have just accepted that this is how I’ll be and I’ve just got to deal with it. Just an overall ‘meh’ feeling.

[Consolida]

^ You're not old, and I really hope the years ahead of you might bring you some happier times


I'm feeling on edge. A workmen is going to be in the house most of the week. He is a nice enough guy, very friendly and chatty, but I'm not used to interacting with other human beings.
Also feeling sad because a very old family friend phoned yesterday to say that she has terminal cancer. I've had more than enough of that wretched disease this year

[Dougella]

^ I think workmen do like to be left to get on with the job, so if you can stay in another room most of the time that's probably ok!
Sorry to hear about your family friend

[Tembo]

^ Horrible to hear that about your friend!

Having workmen in the house puts me on edge too, even if their lovely. I reckon the best way to deal with that is to offer him a cuppa and pop in every now and then to see if his alright, but the rest of the time it’s perfectly fine to go off to another room somewhere. I’m sure they are used to people having to work on other things while they are doing their job.

[Consolida]

^/^^ Thank you

My husband was working from home so thankfully I didn't have to be on my own but because the workman is incredibly chatty and because I didn't want to come across as rude or odd I couldn't avoid listening to some of his stories and anecdotes. However, I was able to escape in the afternoon because I needed to sort through some of my mum's clothes to give to charity. This evening, as our kitchen was out of bounds, we decided to treat ourselves to a takeaway but the wrong order arrived. So, all in all, it hasn't been a great day

[Stepford]

^ Sorry to hear that about your family friend. I hope she has plenty of support.

I get quite anxious having workmen in and really awkward because I overthink everything.

I'm feeling overstuffed and really very blah.

[Stepford]

Originally Posted by affluenza

fat. Like a tyre around my waist. No real clue how to get rid of it.

Same here.

[Stepford]

Now feeling very [lots of swear words]. just went into the bedroom and for a millisecond thought my wife was laying in bed. I have a double bed and on one side a pillow faces downward and I had thrown a black t-shirt on the bed near the top. Looked just like my wife was sleeping, then reality... What an utter crap world this is!