How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Percy]

Well done Consolida, glad to hear you had a good day.

[Consolida]

^ Thanks Percy

Unfortunately after a good weekend and Monday, tonight I'm feeling incredibly low and deflated. I hate goodbyes

[Clumsy*]

^Consolida Did you have to say goodbye to your son? Goodbyes are hard

[Jen.]

Been feeling awful lately, but I found out yesterday that a cousin from Japan is coming over to visit in a few weeks. I haven't seen her for nearly three years so I'm excited about having something to look forward to, but at the same time panicking a bit about what to do while she's here. I obviously want to show her as much as possible since she's never been before (she'll thankfully be seeing various London sights on her own before coming up here), but I hate doing stuff all day every day like that. I can only think of a morning of things so far and I've got four days to fill.

[Professor Willow]

I don't know how I feel.
I'm not anxious but I'm not calm, I don't feel right but I don't know what's wrong.

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by Clumsy*

^Consolida Did you have to say goodbye to your son? Goodbyes are hard

Yes, how did you guess, lol

Although I can occasionally visit my son because his Uni is only an hour or so away (two hours or so if you include the return journey) several weeks of not seeing him feels like three years when he's always lived under the same roof and I've seen him every day. I'm feeling so lost and purposeless in my life and would have turned to my mum for a bit of support accept she passed away in March. I'm sure a 'normal' person in my position would pursue some interests, join a group or two and make some friends but that's easier said than done when you suffer with SA. I want to make the most of how ever many years I have left before I'm nothing but cosmic dust but the wretched anxiety is making it impossible.

So sorry for the vent

[Percy]

You're allowed to vent consolida

[biscuits]

^^ it's a huge adjustment, especially when you have such a lovely sounding son and a close relationship. It's an experience of loss.

How about the sauk ladies meet?

[biscuits]

My head is absolutely throbbing. I don't usually get headaches. The last time I had a headache like this I had covid. The time before that it was norovirus. What's it going to be this time?

[Tom123]

Buzzing of my tits.

Just booked flights to Vietnam for 15days

Very nervous but also absurdly excited. I'll be alone for a few days( traveling with friends for most of it) and hoping I can manage a hostel even make a few friends. If not, I'll book a great hotel and read a book.

[Percy]

Today found out a family friend has just weeks left to live, cancer

[Nanuq]

sorry to hear that, Percy

[Consolida]

^^ Sorry to hear that Percy. Cancer sucks

@ Tom123 - Sounds absolutely awesome!

Originally Posted by biscuits

^^ it's a huge adjustment, especially when you have such a lovely sounding son and a close relationship. It's an experience of loss.

How about the sauk ladies meet?

Yes, it certainly feels like a kind of loss Biscuits, especially as my life used to revolve around being a mum and I got such a lot of fulfilment from that.
Also, because my son has thrown himself into the social side of Uni and has already made lots of friends (which I'm over the moon about of course) it's got me thinking about the 19 year old Consolida and how very different my life was. My SA was already severe, I'd started work and was being harassed and bullied by colleagues, and had taken my first overdose. It's quite sad really.


Ladies meet? Hmm, I'll have to take a rain check on that Biscuits

[Dougella]

^ It's great to hear your son is getting on well at uni

[magnolia]

Day off work.
Looks like today will be a self pity day.
I just want to sleep in bed all day and think about being someone else.

I feel like shit.

[Consolida]

^

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ It's great to hear your son is getting on well at uni

Thanks Dougella. Yes, he's enjoying Uni particularly the social side of things which is a huge relief. As a parent with crippling SA I've worried endlessly that I might 'pass it on'.


I'm feeling so tired again. I'm going for a blood test tomorrow and am hoping it might show something up that can easily be put right although nothing is ever that simple.

[Dougella]

^ You did a really good job of parenting! And I'm glad to hear your son doesn't suffer with SA too, it's awful.

Good thing you have a blood test booked atleast!

[Consolida]

^ I think I was/am probably a rubbish parent but it's nonetheless very kind of you to say

The blood test is one where I have to fast so I'm going to struggle with that

[Dougella]

^ No you're not, your son wouldn't come back and visit you often if you were

Oh no that's the worst kind.

[Mellie]

Feeling pathetic

[Percy]

You're not pathetic Mellie

[anxiouslondoner]

Like I can relax a bit.
Well, for two days at least.
Now for the not knowing what to do phase.

[Professor Willow]

Pretty hopeless right now.

In order to change my medication I will have to taper off the antidepressant I have been on for 14 years and then wait a week before starting the new one which will probably take a few weeks or months to settle down.

I'm already at rock bottom with my anxiety and depression and now I face the problem of being self employed and potentially having a lot of time off work.

I've no idea how I'm meant to pay bills if I'm not working, I'm already struggling as it is.

My family are being as unsupportive as ever.

[biscuits]

^ are you getting support for anxiety as well as medication? I always found medication never worked for the anxiety I experience because when it strikes it's all consuming - repetitive and obsessive thoughts like I'm going to burst: so being taught how to manage that was helpful. Having a bit of a safety plan - recognising potential triggers and having steps to deescalate it, having a list of supportive people to talk to - that can include online. It sounds like the lack of support in your family is meaning that you're bottling it all up or that you're being made to feel like you're not being listened to and that feeling of isolation is anxiety's best friend - like petrol on a fire. My main strategy is knowing that I struggle to cope with it on my own and need to make sure I speak to someone to help me unpick the worries to lessen the anxiety. Feeling listened to and challenged in a supportive way really helps me. Sorry if this sounds a bit jumbled my head is fuzzy.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

fat. Like a tyre around my waist. No real clue how to get rid of it.

[cymruambyth26]

I'm feeling shook up. I choked on a big piece of chicken in a Wetherspoons last night and had to be taken to hospital. Thankfully it cleared while I was waiting in A&E but it was scary I had to have slaps on the back and a member of the Wetherspoons staff performed abdominal thrusts on me. It was horrible for my anxiety as well because it happened in public in a busy place and people could see what was happening. I'm still trembling this morning.

[Dougella]

^ Oh no, that must have been so scary

[cymruambyth26]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ Oh no, that must have been so scary

It was...because I did start going unconscious and you think am I going to die? I was just glad two of my friends from university were there and responded so quickly.

[cymruambyth26]

Some population groups have a higher choking risk, such as the elderly, persons with disabilities (physically or mentally), people under the effects of alcohol or drugs, people who have taken medications that reduce the ability to salivate or react, patients with difficulties in swallowing (dysphagia), suicidal individuals, people with epilepsy, and people on the autism spectrum.

This provokes curiosity. I will look into this but just the fact that I'm waiting to be assessed for autism, live with an anxiety disorder and I have problems with swallowing is interesting when I read this.

[Dougella]

Good thing your friends were there to help!

^ That is interesting.