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#1
15th July 2010, 18:51
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Problems with relationships
Hi everybody
Yesterday I was dumped again and its really getting me down. Its hard getting a girl friend with my anxiety, I don't like going to pubs and clubs and my social life is kind of limited so, when somebody agrees to go out with me I'm ecstatic. Every time it seems like its going well, were having fun and she tells me that she really likes me, then a few weeks in they break up with me. The excuses I get are always similar, things like "Your too nice". Since when was being nice a bad thing? I don't understand. So I'm feeling worthless right now, my parents tell me its not my fault but its had to believe them when it happens so often. If anybody has any advice that would be very helpful. |
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#2
15th July 2010, 18:55
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Re: Problems with relationships
Quote:
stop being so nice. If more than one person has told you that then perhaps you should give it some consideration and start asking yourself if you really are too nice. |
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#3
15th July 2010, 19:02
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Re: Problems with relationships
Quote:
Maybe I just need to meet the right woman, I think I'm a bit old fashioned in this sort of thing. I want to provide but I know I can't do it well, so I make it up in other ways, and that's being too nice? |
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#4
15th July 2010, 19:04
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Re: Problems with relationships
Quote:
'You're too nice' is probably the short version. It would be nice of them to explain further why they wanted to end the relationship but they didn't so you're left guessing. Being nice isn't a bad thing at all but it can be problematic if you are nice to the point of letting them walk all over you. There has been lots of discussion on this forum in the past about 'nice guys' and the problems they have in relationships. I think it's important for you to try and find out what you think went wrong with the relationship and work from there. Take Care, Daz |
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#5
15th July 2010, 19:23
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Re: Problems with relationships
oooh yeah I agree with the cooking thing cavegirl, it is somehow an aphrodisiac to me!
'too nice' may be another way of saying ' tries too hard to please' which is annoying, this is only MY take on it. |
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#6
15th July 2010, 20:07
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Re: Problems with relationships
I once dated a guy who was too nice. He tried so hard to please, he seemed terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. I almost got the feeling he was grateful to be in my company.
Could it be something like that with you? If it is, I'd say don't try so hard. |
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#8
15th July 2010, 20:59
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Re: Problems with relationships
In my view you are probably better off without this girl if she does not appreciate you for who you are. I don't think think that there is any such thing as being "too nice". If you are happy with who you are then there is absolutely no reason why you should change to suit other people. While I know that it must hurt a lot when your relationships keep ending like this, you should still save yourself for someone who likes you for being you.
This is just my opinion anyway. 
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#9
15th July 2010, 21:02
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Re: Problems with relationships
think very carefully. Are you nice, or are you obsequious? if this keeps happening, it may be time for some ruthless self-examination.
no! not the rubber gloves needed kind. Quote:
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#10
16th July 2010, 11:40
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Re: Problems with relationships
Everyone wants a nice partner. Someone caring, fun, who treats them right, and makes you feel special etc etc.....
But from my own point of view, I find a partner that is 'too nice' off putting. And yes, there is such a thing as too nice. By 'too nice' I mean someone that cannot think for themselves-only doing what the partner wants,...always trying to please and making sure your happy in an unnatural, overcompensating way... Someone who agreed with all your opinions, someone who said yes to everything....and just goes along with things because they think you'll like them...etc Women like to feel like a man is a man. Has his own mind, isnt scared of saying no, or disagreeing with anyone, and is assured in the relationship, without needing constant reassurance or the need to buy/treat and say/do nice things all the time for the sake of it.... Perhaps this ex of yours just didnt know how to say you werent the right one for her? so she took the easy option, and said you were too nice. Don't beat yourself up about it! Alot of relationships start out great, and a few months in, the cracks appear. Just be yourself, and relax in relationships. I don't know your situation, but dont feel like you have to go all out, and stifle her with affection/gifts to prevent her from finding someone else..... A woman will be with you because she want to be, and the right one will accept you warts and all! Oh, and she won't want you to become a yes man. (and I'm not suggesting you are!) |
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#11
16th July 2010, 17:18
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Re: Problems with relationships
I would like to thank everybody for their kind messages, you have given me much to ponder. I never expected such a number of responses! I can see that this is a close community and I think I'm going to like it here.
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#12
16th July 2010, 17:21
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Re: Problems with relationships
I would like to thank everybody for the messages, you have given me much to ponder. I never expected such a number of responses, I can see this is a close community and I think im going to like it here.
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#13
16th July 2010, 19:39
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Re: Problems with relationships
So how long was it before you slept with them?
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