Nothing to say

[scarlettgirl]

I have nothing interesting to say to anyone. It has gotten to the point where I can't deal with any social event with friends for more than an hour. I just can't hold conversation. I just blank and have nothing useful to say about anything. I am so boring I bore myself lol.
How can I get better? I thought I *was* getting better but the older I get the more anxious and boring I seem to become.
I have interests but they're not the sort I'd talk to friends about. Maybe I keep the wrong friends for that reason, but I actually like my friends, so how can it be that?? I feel unable to express myself properly in front of anyone tbh. Sometimes I think I'll explode with emotion.
I'm at a loose end and so tired of this.

[Staring at the Sea]

Well I have no friends so that is of not worry to me lol but in almost every social interaction I just find it impossible to find conversation. I just dont know how people can just chat away to strangers so easily. I just stare while my brain does a frantic search for words!

[db838]

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

I have nothing interesting to say to anyone. It has gotten to the point where I can't deal with any social event with friends for more than an hour. I just can't hold conversation. I just blank and have nothing useful to say about anything. I am so boring I bore myself lol.
How can I get better? I thought I *was* getting better but the older I get the more anxious and boring I seem to become.
I have interests but they're not the sort I'd talk to friends about. Maybe I keep the wrong friends for that reason, but I actually like my friends, so how can it be that?? I feel unable to express myself properly in front of anyone tbh. Sometimes I think I'll explode with emotion.
I'm at a loose end and so tired of this.

It's tough I know but all you can really do is keep trying. Is there anything that your friends are interested in that you could try and get into and try to keep conversation going? Then maybe you can talk about stuff you like in return, kind of meeting halfway. Don't forget they should be taking part in the conversation too, it's not just down to you, and I'm sure they'd be more interested in what you like than you think.

[Aelwyn]

If you're really stuck for something to say, questions are always good, as people - well not you of course, but a lot of people - like to talk about themselves.

But maybe you could arrange things so that conversation isn't the central reason for meeting up? Perhaps you could suggest a walk, or a visit to some place of interest, theatre, cinema etc. That might be less stressful for you.

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

I have nothing interesting to say to anyone. It has gotten to the point where I can't deal with any social event with friends for more than an hour.

I can relate 100% to this as it's about the same level as me, ie: I can do small talk for a short period of time but struggle big time when it gets to depth.

[anewyear]

The "London Shyness Social Group" on meetup has a weekly thing called "Deeper Conversations". I've never been partly for logistics reasons (plus, well, you know.. ) however I can see how it can be a good opportunity to improve. The blurb says..

"Come along and make friends and engage in deep conversations! Let's spend Sunday afternoon getting to know each other by having deep and meaningful conversations. We provide you with questions to help you skip the small talk and connect with others on a deeper level - the answers are down to you!"

I'll give it a go one week if I get the opportunity.

[Bluebear]

I’m very boring. I’ve got a few good friends but they are all online, I lost contact with my other friends because I’m not interesting like they are.

[Blackflies]

See, I read other people state things like "i'm not interesting like they are", which is often my own type of inward statement, but I always read it from others and immediately think, well that's not true, everybody has something interesting about them. I think we are all our own worst critic and for us, especially we are more likely to put stumbling blocks in the way to prevent us getting hurt by them if they turn around and say we are not interesting. If we put ourselves down enough, it won't hurt if they do it, kind of thinking.

The fact is, your friends are still inviting you to social engagements which they are unlikely to do if they feel you do not contribute anything to the group/situation. I think you're being too hard on yourself. Some people are genuinely happy with small talk and seemingly empty conversation. It's mostly better to have someone text you "how are you today?" or "what's the weather like there today?" than not having anybody text you at all.

Still, with social media and various interests groups, it does seem as though there is increasing pressure to have a great list of hobbies and skills to entertain many new contacts on sites. My depression and yet contentment to hibernate means I lack the motivation or need to take up these things which means I am stuck offering people 'empty' but well intended conversation. Some people drift away uninterested, some people stay to get a "what's the weather like there today?". I'm content with those that wish to stay.

[gregarious_introvert]

I don't think it's necessary to have a load of exciting hobbies; as Aelwyn says, questions are slways good and we still have opinions, with which we can contribute to the conversation. Of course, the issue with anxiety is that we are so distracted inside our heads that we can't think of questions to ask (or can, but dismiss them as stupid) or articulate our opinions (or think our opinions will also be uninteresting or unwelcome).

I find it intriguing when anyone says that they are too boring to have real-life friends, but have friends online. There are must be something which keeps those online friends interested! Personally, I think I'm more interesting in real life and find it hard to keep online relationships going (which is an appropriate moment to thank the hardy souls here who are still happy - for now - to exchange PMs with me), so I admire those who can.

There are a number of people on this forum who describe themselves in negative ways, whom I find witty, funny, intelligent, engaging and interesting; it's usually those who talk for the sake of it who have nothing of interest to say.

Sent from my SM-J330FN using Tapatalk

[Moksha]

Being interesting isn't everything. There are plenty of 'interesting' people who still make bad company. Often, people don't want someone sparkly and witty. They just want a friend who is kind, mellow, relaxed and easy going. Above all, someone who doesn't show off or compete with them. I can think of people who don't interest me at all, but I still enjoy their company. They have such good manners, and are so gentle and pleasant, that it would be a pleasure to sit there in total silence! If you are kind and supportive, show an interest in them, and really listen when they tell you something, people will want you in their life.

[scarlettgirl]

Thank you everyone for your responses, and sorry for my late one.

It is a case of losing more friends lately, but maybe that has something to do with my hesitancy to be social anyway. I've been cancelling on people way more etc. It doesn't help there. But then makes it worse for myself having long periods between meeting friends, because instead of the desire to catch up, there's this extra feeling of awkwardness because we haven;t see each other for while. I Hope that makes sense. In any case I do have one good friend, but thats because I'm lucky enough to have her understand my anxiety to some extent. it's hard though, and I'm constantly worried lately she's going to dump me and i'll truly be a billy no mates before long haha.

I find it easier in some ways to chat online (and easier to talk about my hobbies/interests there too), but it sometimes feels like a lie, because I'm not presenting myself in the flesh...lol I know that sounds ridiculous, but yeah that's just my main feeling right now.

thanks again, I'll try and take everything into consideration.

[genovese]

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

I have interests but they're not the sort I'd talk to friends about

This is the bit that caught my attention
Genuine question, what are your interests

[scarlettgirl]

Originally Posted by genovese

This is the bit that caught my attention
Genuine question, what are your interests

i don't know, nerdier things, i guess. the friends I do have are just not interested.