Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

[Orwell20]

MOD EDIT: This thread contains a discussion concerning suicide and suicide methods. Please do not read on if you feel you may be affected by its content.

Morbid topic I know, but we keep being told it's the number one killer of men under 40. So surely people out there must have had some experiences of it.

[Moksha]

Thinking about it I'm surprised by how many.

- My mum's cousin's brother-in-law. He jumped in front of a train.
- My aunt's best friend. A lovely woman - kind, big smile, etc. She booked herself into a hotel and was found hanging by the maid. Sad thing was she had a loving friend, a good marriage, and two sons to live for.
- My great aunt attempted it but survived. She was a sweet little old lady, always very kind to me. But when her husband died she was totally lost and took an overdose.

I can think of three others who attempted it but survived, though all had severe depression at the time. Also, there is a boy buried next to my dad who killed himself and another boy buried next to my grandparents who killed himself!

Oh god, and my friend told me of two different men he knows/knew who killed themselves. One stabbed himself through the heart (this was ten years ago). The other killed himself after his wife died of cancer (that was three years ago).

[Gomen]

@Moksha I always think it's wierd to hear of someone taking their own life or attempting to because a loved one died.

Do they stop to wonder what their loved one would think about their action?

[Silent Treatment]

yes..I had a friend who was always trying to kill themselves..eventually they succeeded by gassing themselves in their car...still came as a shock though.

[genovese]

Yes, relative. 21 yrs old.
One kid from the street I grew up on. 29 yrs old.
Both guys.

[limey123]

Yeah, one of my closest friends overdosed (his second attempt). One of the most talented people I've ever met, and also one of the least judgemental. However, he judged *himself* very harshly. He was very short in a country full of tall men (this was apparently a problem for him) and also he was bullied in our office (and God knows on what other occasions, too). I have a sneaking suspicion his lack of success with women was another factor (whenever the subject of women came up in convo, he would go red in the face and get rather stressed). I spoke to his father (whom I'd never met but whom he always spoke in glowing terms about) on the phone just after his death (and not long after he'd also lost his wife, too, poor man), that was not an easy conversation. It's hard to know what to say in such situations.

He was an awesome guy and I miss him a lot. Tragically, his self-esteem could no longer endure this cruel world.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Gomen

@Moksha I always think it's wierd to hear of someone taking their own life or attempting to because a loved one died.

Do they stop to wonder what their loved one would think about their action?

In both cases they had no children. So I guess the partner left behind saw nothing ahead but loneliness. And they probably felt that no one would miss them much anyway. I never met the man my friend described. But I remember being shocked by how callous he was about it all ("well, I guess he couldn't see the point of going on...anyway, d'you want a coffee?") And that's most people's attitude. The saddest thing of all is that it's generally the nice people; the selfish, shallow and insensitive never reach that point.

[Dougella]

Yes, a member of my extended family when he was in his early twenties. He hadn't shown any signs of mental illness before, he had friends and a girlfriend but he was in his last year of university and somehow got it into his head that he wasn't doing as well as he should be and he'd be letting people down (which wasn't the case at all.)

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Dougella

Yes, a member of my extended family when he was in his early twenties. He hadn't shown any signs of mental illness before, he had friends and a girlfriend but he was in his last year of university and somehow got it into his head that he wasn't doing as well as he should be and he'd be letting people down (which wasn't the case at all.)

Yeah, those are the ones that really unnerve me. You often hear about these cases - bright, happy, popular, everything to live for, etc. And then bang. Maybe they just expect too much from life? After years of grinding humiliation and isolation, I'm just grateful to be alive! I used to have dreams. Now, all I ask is to be spared depression and painful illness. Maybe that's why the male suicide rate peaks in the mid-40s and then declines? It isn't that life gets easier but that you just hope for, and expect, much less.

[Dougella]

^ Yes it's absolutely tragic. I think there might be something to them having very high standards for themselves or expecting too much, coupled with the fact that in every stage of education now it seems that people are convinced that if they don't get good enough results they'll be a complete failure.

There is actually quite a lot of mental ill health on that side of my family but whereas some people have struggled with things for many years it was the person who hadn't seemed to have any significant problems who ended up taking their own life.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Dougella

There is actually quite a lot of mental ill health on that side of my family but whereas some people have struggled with things for many years it was the person who hadn't seemed to have any significant problems who ended up taking their own life.

Interesting. I wonder if that's often the case? (I suspect it is). I had serious problems from an early age (probably had an avoidant personality disorder by 9 or 10). For me it's just been a question of survival. Early on I knew I had no hope of a normal life. I also knew I had no talent or intellect. That's true of most people of course, but it can be hard to face.

Another big problem is taking life itself too seriously. The whole thing is a ****ing joke. It really is. Alright, it's a tasteless and unfunny joke, but it is a joke. Some don't feel that way. They really think their little life is important. You only have to go on Facebook to see how deluded people can be. They put up photos of themselves as though they are the stars of a grand cosmic event called 'my life'. And when they then end up in a boring job and **ap relationship, they can't deal with it. But I was the most popular girl at school! I got into Warwick University! I should be writing my autobiography and appearing on Graham Norton!

[Consolida]

I've known of a few...

My grandfather shot himself after his wife died of Cancer. One of his son's found him, thankfully not my Dad.
My great grandmother drowned herself, but it sounds that she had the start of Dementia.
Some elderly neighbours committed a suicide pact by driving their car into the River. The husband was the wife's carer and I think he was worried about who would look after her if he should die first. A year or two after that, their grieving daughter killed herself in exactly the same way.
A friend of mine who was working in pharmaceuticals said one of his young colleagues went in early one morning and swallowed a cyanide pill dying instantly. Nobody had any clue why. He suffered with bad Acne but...outwardy he seemed happy and outgoing.

It's so tragically sad when people take such drastic actions where there's absolutely no going back during difficult periods in their lives. If only they had reached out to someone or perhaps waited for just one more day

Suicide is like dropping a stone in a pond and watching the resulting ripples reaching further and further outward. So many life's can be sadly changed forever by the tragic loss of one person who perhaps wrongly felt that nobody would even notice or care.

[Copernicium]

Originally Posted by mutedsoul

I feel it's good to take life seriously but not lose perspective.

I suppose perspective has gone out of the window if you are suicidal.

I can think of a few occasions when I felt swamped by life and everything looked black and in retrospect I can see that my perspective had gone completely haywire, but I've never been the suicidal type so I just ploughed on and eventually the sun came out again. I imagine that people who end it all are no longer able to look at themselves or their situation objectively and see that what's bothering them isn't as big a deal as they think it is. Well, nearly always, anyway. And even if it is a big deal, there are ways of dealing with whatever it is.

I'm reminded of the Churchill quote "if you are going through hell, keep going".

But back to the topic. Yes, I knew one person who did the deed. Was shocking and horrible and ultimately the fallout from it just created more misery in the world.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Change

I wonder if there's a window of time, which if we get through, we might just make it and discover something more meaningful to us in life. And this comes to people at different ages.

I doubt there is any profound revelation. Probably, we just become more humble. T S Eliot (I think) wrote that wisdom is another word for humility. People you've known all your life begin to die, often in horrific ways, and such things slowly break you down. Consolida's post is a good example. Only the most selfish and insensitive are unaffected by those kinds of tragedies. At 18, you want to be a millionaire, a novelist or a famous musician. By 45, you're content just to escape divorce or terminal cancer!

[Mo34]

My mums brother. He came up from Sheffield where he was living at the time, to Glasgow (where he was from) for a visit. The last known person to see him was an old childhood friend who said he was 'strange' when he bumped into him, like he wasn't really there. His body was found in the water of Elderslie Dockyard on Clydebank aged just 47.

My Godmother's husband was diagnosed with cancer and out of nowhere he took himself to the train tracks near the bottom of their garden and walked in front of a train. Zero history of mental health problems.

I've also known ppl who have attempted suicide. A girl I went to school with when I was 11 ish. She had 'issues' but I don't think we really understood as kids the seriousness of it. She had cut her self and tried drinking various cleaning fluids. The last time I ever saw her she was sat outside the school office with the paramedics trying to get her to drink milk as she had broken into a cleaning cupboard and drank an awful lot of bleach. We heard she had been sent to a psychiatric unit in Birmingham but she never came back to school.

And my parents I suppose. My mum attempted suicide when I was about 21. Overdose, for which she was hospitalised. And my dad when I was 30? also an overdose of sorts though he had apparently been going up to a major A road and contemplating throwing/trying to throw himself into the traffic.

[Toxic]

Kid at school was getting bullied relentlessly, disappeared one day, no one knew why

Vageuly recall seeing something in a paper about him hanging himself, I can't remember the details too much, was like..12?

Someone I work with her partners friend threw himself off a bridge but, ahh never knew him

Can't think of anyone else at the moment...probably is more!, more friend of a friend sort of thing though.

[Marco]

Originally Posted by Mo34

And my parents I suppose. My mum attempted suicide when I was about 21. Overdose, for which she was hospitalised. And my dad when I was 30? also an overdose of sorts though he had apparently been going up to a major A road and contemplating throwing/trying to throw himself into the traffic.

How terrible that must have been for you that on separate occasions both your parents tried to commit suicide!

Thankfully I don't know of anyone directly who has committed suicide. I think to lose a loved one this way must be even more traumatic and devastating than, say, through illness or accident. It's so unnatural, in a sense, because it goes against the grain of the survival instinct that is a fundamental force in evolutionary life. It indicates extreme mental torment and is truly tragic.

[Consolida]

^ I'm terribly sorry to hear that Freyja

I know that suicide due to being in debt is very common but financial problems are never insurmountable. I suppose you could say that about so many issues though but when people fall into that mind frame where they can't see any light at the end of the tunnel they feel that suicide is the only way out

[sillypenguin]

My uncle killed himself last year. He was in his 50s and was a father and grandfather, hadn't seen him in some time (I'm not that close with my extended family tbh) but heard he was drinking a great deal whilst on antidepressants. Still shook the entire family, especially as my grandfather died the following month from cancer. He was too ill to even know what happened which makes it even more difficult on family members.

[Bluebear]

Yes... an online friend who was about 60. And the father of a school friend.

[Tembo]

The only person I directly knew who has committed suicide was my swimming teacher as a child. I remember her to be a lovely kind lady, and it was really upsetting to hear. She was in debt apparently.

A friend's dad used to be a train driver, and someone jumped in front of his train. He never returned to work as a train driver after that, and found a new job. He said what affected him the most was the fact they made eye contact before.

A colleague of mine went to visit her brother who lived nearby, but found him hanging. The shock of seeing a family member, or anyone close, like that must be incredibly traumatic.

[Toxic]

Fekking ell

Just found out one of our main customers at work, the sales rep who did a lot of work on our behalf has topped himself this week. Think he was only 40ish tops.

[Pink*Lady]

A boy at school shot himself after splitting up with his girlfriend.
Another boy died from exhaust fumes in his car after splitting up with his girlfriend.
My grandmother had a brother whose wife drowned herself. She had mental health problems for years and was in and out of psychiatric hospital.
A friend of mine in his forties took an overdose of pills and drank copious amount of alcohol. I still can't believe it now - he was a lovely man and was the life and soul of the party.
A neighbour's daughter had been married for a short time when her husband hung himself.

[Percy]

Sadly yes.

An old friend of mine took his own life a few years ago. We had lost touch with him a few years before so hadn't known how much he was struggling. He worked for the local council and was found hanging in one of their storage garages.

Also discovered quite recently an old colleague has taken his own life after a nasty divorce. Nicotine poisoning apparently.

[Orwell20]

Jesus, these stories are just so sad. It's also quite shocking to find that so many people on here know someone who's done it. Just shows you how common suicide is. And when you think that for every person who goes through with it there must be dozens who try and fail, or who wish they were dead but are too frightened to do anything about it, well...there is a lotta pain out there, that's all I can say.

I remember a security guard where I worked killing himself. And my neighbor's mother cut her wrists in the bath. What a world!