Gay and severe SA

firemonkey · #1 7th March 2012, 20:53

Could severe SA and fear of intimate contact with the opposite sex lead you to think you are gay?

Vanessa · #2 7th March 2012, 21:01

I think youd' only think you were gay if you were attracted to the same sex.

Those things (sA and fear of intimate) made me thing I was Asexual and aromantic instead. i think i was simply repressing any feelings i had. However being in a relationship has made me realise that those things are probably not true abou tmyself.

Progress · #3 7th March 2012, 21:05

Yes, I would guess they might, even if you were not

Vastaux · #4 7th March 2012, 21:12

I dont think so, being scared of the opposite sex but being attracted to them isnt the same as not wanting to be intimate and being attracted to same-sex, the two are very different imo.

Salusa87 · #5 7th March 2012, 21:31

I don't think so. If you arnt sure or someone you know isnt sure try watching gay porn and see if you/they like it. I would of thought that will give you the answer.

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #6 7th March 2012, 21:46

No.

Ajax Amsterdam · #7 7th March 2012, 22:05

Not for me. I've never been attracted to men, so I've never wondered if I might be gay. But, have people assumed I was gay because of the way I've come across due to my anxiety? Oh yes!

I wonder too, if a person has extremly severe SA and is also fearful of intimacy, would they not be that way regardless of which sex they were attracted to?

Progress · #8 7th March 2012, 22:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benfica

I wonder too, if a person has extremly severe SA and is also fearful of intimacy, would they not be that way regardless of which sex they were attracted to?

No, surely if a heterosexual person had strong anxiety about the opposite sex then they may have less anxiety about their same sex, which might lead to a confusion in their own mind about their sexuality. I would have thought it possible.

Ajax Amsterdam · #9 7th March 2012, 22:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Progress

No, surely if a heterosexual person had strong anxiety about the opposite sex then they may have less anxiety about their same sex, which might lead to a confusion in their own mind about their sexuality. I would have thought it possible.

I see your point. It's quite possible, no doubt. I think I was looking at it from the perspective of the fear being around intimacy itself, rather than the fear being around intimacy with just the opposite sex. From that perspective it's possibly the case that regardless of your sexuality, the fear would be there anyway, because the fear is of intimacy itself.

Another thought. If the heterosexual person did have strong anxiety about the opposite sex generally, would they really feel less anxious sexually with their own sex? I mean it can't be easy having sex with a gender you are simply not turned on by.

But anyway, your point, as you described it above, I see what you are saying.

Saponara_Immobile · #10 7th March 2012, 22:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benfica

...
Another thought. If the heterosexual person did have strong anxiety about the opposite sex generally, would they really feel less anxious sexually with their own sex? I mean it can't be easy having sex with a gender you are simply not turned on by. ...

I would say it's harder to know if you have anxiety around the same sex though as you're a lot less likely to experience situations with gay people when you are younger compared to with the opposite sex. I mean I got set up with girls when I was at school and college and had massive intimacy anxiety about it where as there was no one trying to set me up with a guy and even if I was gay I doubt anyone would have pressured me into dating anyone the way they did over dating girls. I would say it's considered pretty normal for gay people to not have had any experience til much later in life so maybe that takes the pressure off somewhat.

Ajax Amsterdam · #11 7th March 2012, 23:15

^
Yes, fair points.
Actually, when I was younger I had a lot more chances with gay men than with hetero' females. Now I come to think of it, even though I was not into it and didn't want to go there, the whole situation did seem less pressured. Maybe the expectations felt different. So if I did have intimacy issues with women, maybe I'd have found it a lot easier with gay men, and of course, this would lead me to question my sexuality even if i was pretty sure women were my real desire.

Captain Nemo · #12 8th March 2012, 01:54

If what's been suggested is true for some people then that is very interesting. Personally I wouldn't have thought anxiety issues have any bearing on sexuality, as it's really a question of aesthetics isn't it?

mhealer3 · #13 8th March 2012, 03:09

people could get confused about the matter i guess.

Candyman · #14 8th March 2012, 06:43

I've been accused of being gay, because I tend to avoid women...in some cases ones that are interested n me. This is due solely due to my social anxiety, but I've been accused of being gay multiple times. It's frustrating, because it's not true. I've learned to just ignore it for the most part. But no, being afraid to be around women doesn't make you gay...what makes you gay is being sexually aroused by the same sex...which should be easy to find out.

Zardo · #15 8th March 2012, 13:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Candyman

I've been accused of being gay, because I tend to avoid women...in some cases ones that are interested n me. This is due solely due to my social anxiety, but I've been accused of being gay multiple times. It's frustrating, because it's not true. I've learned to just ignore it for the most part. But no, being afraid to be around women doesn't make you gay...what makes you gay is being sexually aroused by the same sex...which should be easy to find out.

I had the same happen to me, I was just too anxious to meet up for the first time and take them out. Or messed up my chance to meet by sounding uninterested and shaky voiced, talking on the phone to them because I was so nervous and my heart was pounding. A few ex-workmates found out I bottled out of meeting this one woman and they were like "WTF you [insert offensive name for a gay man].

I haven't had any chances for years now, doubt I'll have any again.

firemonkey you could have Purely Obsessional OCD thinking what you do, like I think I may have. I tick a lot of the boxes and it overlaps with my social phobia and depression.

Ajax Amsterdam · #16 8th March 2012, 14:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Candyman

I've been accused of being gay, because I tend to avoid women...in some cases ones that are interested n me. This is due solely due to my social anxiety, but I've been accused of being gay multiple times. It's frustrating, because it's not true. I've learned to just ignore it for the most part. But no, being afraid to be around women doesn't make you gay...what makes you gay is being sexually aroused by the same sex...which should be easy to find out.

I was accused of being gay for years, and I'm not scared of women in the slightest and actually know more women than men. I had to laugh, the time when I was called 'gay' the most was when I was actually in a relationship with a hot girl for six years.

I think it frustrated me a bit back then simply because it's not true, but it never really bothered me because I don't see anything wrong with being gay anyway, so it was not seen by me as insulting, although I know it was often meant that way. Where I grew up, if you don't fit the male stereotype - you are gay. Pure and simple. It's the only box their tiny minds can shoehorn you into.

Anyway, I agree with you. Being afraid of women does not make you gay. Being only attracted to the same sex, does. Although I can see how boundaries may blur for some who feel so intimidated by the opposite sex, who they truly desire, and may seek an outlet with their own sex even if ultimately it's not what they really want.