Online pastimes/Entertainment vs IRL

[AuroraSky]

I am just thinking through how to balance enjoying my true interests online versus pushing through my comfort zone and comprising on the activity for the sake of doing in-person activities.

I'm disabled and not working and so am home a lot. In the past I went to some indie pop concerts but for health reasons that doesn't work for me any more. I bought a ticket to a Livestream concert by Reina Del Cid this Sunday which I'm looking forward to and that might scratch the same itch.

Along the same lines, I used to enjoy an exercise class at the local wellbeing centre. I was meh about the class but really enjoyed a cuppa with two of the regulars once the class was over. One liked self-help and memoir books, same as I do, and I really enjoyed discussing our favourites and swapping recommendations. Both friends no longer go to the class sadly and when I returned for the first time after the pandemic I didn't feel much connection with, or appetite to start from scratch again with, the current group of people.

Maybe I have lost my social confidence after 2 1/2 years of the pandemic, but when I think about socialising in person I feel very self-conscious of my weight and appearance and very anxious in general. I rely on the hosts to prompt and encourage me to join in. At age 52 I'm not convinced this is going to change anytime soon. I genuinely enjoy a lot of Zoom things I do especially something called the Chatty Cafe Scheme where I can pop in and have company for 30 minutes at 1pm on Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday. At the same time, I've read things which imply online stuff is a poor substitute as though real life was the "gold standard". Given the cost of living increases I will have limited funds. I don't know whether to say to myself " This is the modern world, I need to reconsider my notions of what socialising is" and to seek out even more online communities and zoom groups, or to spend money on trying new in-person things even though that hasn't got a great track record of working for me.

What Facebook groups and zoom groups do you find most helpful? (The zoom groups at the Circles Connected Facebook group I find great, especially the weekly Brew and Matter and the monthly Action For Happiness course). Do you think there is a risk of harm by focusing so much of social activity online? I would be really interested to hear people's own experiences about the two schools of thought.

[EmBob]

For me, online social activity (especially through video/voice chat rather than typing) is better than nothing but in person is the best. Part of the reason is that it's the whole procedure about going out that causes me anxiety - getting ready, finding something to wear, travelling there, finding the place and the people. By doing everything online, I can avoid all of that and I don't think it's good for me to avoid it.

Saying that, when I say that online is better than nothing, I mean it's much much better. I think if you enjoy the activities online and get something out of it e.g. facing your anxiety, making friends, enjoying yourself and developing new hobbies then it is absolutely worth doing.

So many more things are online now and so to an extent I think it's the way the world is going. Things that can be done online often are and so we have to adapt to the times.
Still, I'd just stay wary at the back of my mind and try to still sometimes force myself to socialise in-person out of a sense of "use it or lose it".

I may just be old fashioned but I'm not convinced that we can recreate every aspect of socialising online. I think we do need to see other 3D humans to stay mentally healthy, but perhaps, when done alongside online socialising, doesn't need to be quite as often.

[Clumsy*]

The Zoom Chatty Cafe sounds like an awesome idea to me as I struggle with spontaneous conversation.

I'm not good at spontaneous conversation online either (I have a strong cringe and will often delete my posts, or agonise an unreasonable amount of time before posting, or panic if I hit the post button too fast), so any sort of interaction for me IRL or online is beneficial.

I don't think online stuff is a poor substitute. I think it's a form of interaction that has its own merits. For me, it was a stepping stone to meeting people in real life. For others, it might be more and all they need, or even all they can tolerate or are able to do, and that's fine. I believe it all depends on individuals.

But from your post, it sounds to me like you do enjoy in-person interaction, but your confidence has been knocked.

We all have aspects of ourselves we are insecure about, and something I've learnt recently is to seek out communities where you can feel safe about those aspects. Would there be a mental health peer support group you could go to? Or a social anxiety meetup? That would be the kind of place I'd think was safe regarding appearance and just any awkwardness. Just to start with and slowly build up your confidence again.

[AuroraSky]

Thanks both for the replies. As it happens there is a peer support group I can and sometimes do attend. Mostly nice people and the organisers are both great, the only problem is that often the conversations turns for extended periods towards things I know nothing about (e.g. Marvel films). That also has some video chat sessions where if the conversation gets away from me I haven't spent any money or time to attend.

A social anxiety group would be nice but I don't know of any in Glasgow and I don't have any of the skills to set up or run one myself. There is an in-person element to the Chatty Cafe anti-loneliness scheme though so I might visit the nearest one to me (a cafe in a church) and if there was a host that was good at including people in the conversation then that would go a long way towards giving me a minimum of in-person talk, almost like a "vaccination" against the worst effects of isolation.