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  #1  
Old 23rd January 2022, 10:06
Amara 94 Amara 94 is offline
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Default Mr/Mrs Nice? Anyone managed to overcome this role

I think since my gran has been here it has became more pronounced in how much of a nice guy I am, in the stereotypical way.

I notice not being i work and being a nice guy who is agreeing to everything has just made me feel so anxious.

My mum hasn't helped my granny that much, never help cook a meal for my granny doesn't speak to her. I know part of it is due to her mental illness but it highlights the co-dependent relationship I have with her. I feel more definite that when I go back to my job I need to save money and move out. As soon as I turned 16, although I didn't work then, I was guilted as not doing enough for my mum. But now at 27 I notice that it's the parent that is meant to help the child, not the other way round. I also notice how dishonest I am. I haven't told my mum any of this and actually been just more withdrawn with her.
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Old 23rd January 2022, 10:29
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Mr/Mrs Nice? Anyone managed to overcome this role

It can be very difficult to discuss family dynamics with the family members involved, particularly if you know the person won't react well! I think it's understandable that you haven't talked about this with your Mum.

But it is important that you don't feel you have to say yes to people all the time, especially if doing that is having a negative effect on you. Sometimes you find people actually respect you more if you occasionally say "no, sorry I'm not able to help you with that right now."
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Old 23rd January 2022, 10:50
Amara 94 Amara 94 is offline
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Default Re: Mr/Mrs Nice? Anyone managed to overcome this role

I think that maybe my life is even dishonest to an extent. I don't pay rent as I live with my mum and my mum gets help wit payments from the council I think. I do help pay the light bill though. I have been unemployed for a month, going back to my old job soon, but I haven't truly struggled with money during that period as I saved some but also cause I don't pay rent. My cousin that just came here, from Nigeria to the UK to study, seems to be reluctant to meet me and my granny and said that he has an overdraft, I have helped him with money multiple times.

He is using his overdraft as a reason as to why he can't come see us today. I was thinking if I was more independent it would come with the pain of having to be more careful with money due to rent, less privacy as I don't have enough to even rent a small apartment around London I think. It wouldn't be a good life but would probably be a more honest life in a way. Idk???? The truth can be nice but can also be harsh.
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