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#1
19th June 2007, 15:09
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Single worst SA experience
I was thinking about this the other day: what is the absolute worst incident of SA you have ever been through. For me it was in a university class. It was a small but very full room, it was also very hot. As usual I sat in silence for an agonising 50 minutes, the seminar was almost over and I thought I'd 'got away with it' when the lecturer said "you haven't said much today, what do you think?" (he was an American and a right asshole). My mind went utterly and completely blank, I mean I just could not speak. I would not have able to remember the capital of France for £10 000. I simply sat there in silence for god knows how long (felt like 20 minutes). I could hear ppl laughing and I very nearly fainted, in fact I only just managed not to. To finish it off the lecturer actually said "remind me not to ask him a question again next week" (
 ). Getting out of that goddam room and into the fresh air was like heaven.It is good to share these sorts of experiences on this site as it sort of makes you feel better knowing you are not the only one. That is the best thing about this site for me...the realisation that I am not a unique freak (as I thought I was for so many years). |
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#2
19th June 2007, 15:22
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Most college tutors haven't got a clue about SA. It was quite rude of him to show you up and then make a stupid remark like that. Maybe he was trying to prove to everyone else what a ploker he is.
I remember when I was at college and everytime I was in this woman's class she always made me speak out in front of the whole class. Sometimes she would ask me "what do you think?" about every single thing and didn't ask for anyone else's opinion. She also picked me to go twice for a seminar when the others only did it once. I was very awkward and nearly died when it came ot public speach but I was polite at the time and didn't want to spoil anyhting. Looking back on it I should've told her to get lost and ask someone else! I've turned more cynical in recent times and wish I had the same attitude in the past to be able to defend myself instead of pandering to people! |
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#3
19th June 2007, 15:29
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Quote:
There was a really great thread about a year ago (or maybe more) in which ppl described their most embarassing SA moments. Some of them were absolutely hilarious |
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#4
19th June 2007, 15:48
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Re: Single worst SA experience
My worst was when I was 16 or 17 at school and I'd combed my hair back thinking it looked cool. Unfortunately I have a tall spam forehead and it looked like my hair was receding really badly.
Some kid noticed and nudged his neighbour who looked and laughed and before long half the class was pointing and laughing. I wanted the earth to swallow me up for the whole lesson. Ever since that day I've worn my hair in a long fringe and over the years suffered Body dysmorphic disorder about my head/hair as well. I'd suffered bullying for the previous 5 years as well but that moment was the icing on the cake. |
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#5
19th June 2007, 16:00
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Not sure I could pick a single worst but for some reason I'm reminded of an incident when I was at secondary school. It was a swimming lesson and me barely being able to swim I inevitably got into trouble in the water. So I was there splashing around screaming for help when the teacher ordered all of the others out of the water and fished me out with a long pole
 All of the other kids were lined up around the pool laughing at me as I scrambled out of the water. It was probably pretty funny (read: hilarious) to see, but it was extremely embarrassing for me.I'm not actually sure why I was in a swimming lesson really! I could barely swim 2 feet, it was pretty negligent on the part of the teachers I suppose. Still can't swim to this day... gonna sort that out soon though. 
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#6
19th June 2007, 16:22
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Re: Single worst SA experience
There was a few but one that came to me first was at school, I had this teacher for religious education who I fancied (tut) I sat at the front, and I don't know how, but the school bullies sitting at the back knew I fancied him, so imagine a quiet room, me innocently doing my work and then at the top of her voice a bully says, OI DEMONSTAR (obv not my real name but i'll use it here!) I HEAR YOU FANCY MR 'SMITH', YOU WANNA KISS HIM, YOU WANNA HAVE HIM, etc, the teacher kept saying shut up but she wouldn't, the whole class was laughing, I went bright red, people where commenting that I went bright red and laughing some more, I nearly ran out the room, I wish I did.
I cant think of really bad ones in adult life, I avoid everything! |
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#7
19th June 2007, 16:22
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Re: Single worst SA experience
They were funny posts
 I think it is only fair I share a humiliating experience in return (the only answer with this goddam SA is to laugh as much as you can). On my first day of A levels I went to the wrong room and sat down. Everyone seemed a bit older and to know each other really well but I stayed as the register was read out anyway. When my name didn't come up the teacher looked at me and said "what is your name?"...I stuttered a reply he couldn't hear, had to repeat it, went absolutely bright red and some little shit said "christ can you feel the heat?"- loud laughter. The teacher then came over to look at my timetable and to say out loud that this was a second year A level class and that I was a a bit over eager (ha ****ing ha)...loud laughter again. So I got up. Problem was I was on the far side of the room and ppl were leaning against the wall with their chairs so it was a big deal trying to get out. As I did, being big, nervous and keen to get the hell out of there, I knocked over a ****ing projector ( ) which made one hell of a noise. Someone said out loud "woops"...more laughter. I actually had tears in my eyes when I got outside into the corridor. Horrible.
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#8
19th June 2007, 16:28
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Quote:
I notice with SA when it goes wrong, it REALLY goes wrong lol |
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#9
19th June 2007, 16:28
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Re: Single worst SA experience
I was at a news years eve party in the city, there was alot of people, the tv was on and i was watching Ali G, there was a guy i didnt know on the other couch also watching it, and we were just watching the show, not talking.
so the girls next to us turn around, one of them says "you two arnt talking thats scary, for guys, its a party, whats the deal?" i responded "i just enjoy watching Ali G, need a break" .... later on that night i walked outside where people were dancing the night away, and others were chatting at the table, i sat with them I noticed that almost everyone had opinions regarding all the subjects, and would talk non stop, i couldnt seem to get a word in and when i tried nobody noticed. so i was offered a bottle of smirnoff, and a woman yells out "SURELY YOUR TOO YOUNG FOR THAAAT" ..and proceeded to squeeze my chin like i was 7 years old or something. silly bitch. at that moment i wanted to leave, in the end i just sat there thinking "what the hell is wrong with me" ^^^ this is common for me at parties, i seem to freak out from all the people in one confined space, occasionally i meet people who are easy to befirend but mostly i find it a very intimidating experiance, and i almost get lock jaw, thinking im going to not make any sense when i finally do open my mouth. ive had worse experiances at high school though, being bullied alot in front of everyone isnt the most satisfying experiance when you dont know how to react |
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#10
19th June 2007, 16:41
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Well the most significant experience I can think of was arriving at an A Level exam 10 minutes late due to the buses being unreliable. I couldn't face going into the exam hall with everyone staring at me, so I left and consequently failed the A level.
Good times! |
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#11
19th June 2007, 19:17
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Turned up the wrong day for an exam
Was shaking so much for an exam that the examinator filled in the details of the front page (exam code etc .). Worse ever..I decided to confront my fear by walking straight into a reception (lots of people), ..anyway I passed out..:embarass: Quote:
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#12
19th June 2007, 19:23
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Quote:
 ). What exactly happened?
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#13
19th June 2007, 19:29
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Re: Single worst SA experience
I have just remembered another horrible incident (oh man it is all coming back to me
). I was about 13 and wanted to get my haircut at this trendy hairdressers where all the cool local kids went. So my mum ( ) drops me off and actually says to the guy "keep him in here when you have cut his hair will you, don't let him leave the place until I come back"- I could have killed her. When she pulled up a bit later one of the hairdressers said out loud "mummy's here". I then had to walk the length of the shop to the door with all the ppl who were waiting staring at me and the sound of the other two hairdressers laughing. I have had a real phobia of hairdressers ever since.
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#14
19th June 2007, 19:45
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Re: Single worst SA experience
I used to pass out quite a lot, always extremely embarising.
1. At school about aged 14 or so. We were watching a video about the innerintestines. My Mum always told me I was not to watch these incase it made me pass out (wise in her day, in heinsite this probably made me worse) Anyway I passed out in front of the whole class and apparently fitted. A bit later in the same class, same teacher, someone came to swap a video recorder. The teacher said to the boy in front of the whole class not to make a fuss as someone might pass out. The whole class laughed at me :o(. I did not know very nice people back then!! People are much nicer these days. I am well clear of that village, that school and those people. 2. A tiny cut working in a bakery for my school work experiance, aged 16. It was a thin scatch that did not fully break the skin but I fainted. I went home after I fainted much to the bosses annoyance. The remainder of the time I was there I was not allowed to use a sharp knife and as one of my duties was slicing baguettes and spreading garlic butter my colleagues made a big deal that I was not to touch the sharp knives and they had to do it for me. My SA was extremely bad at this time and I did not speak to any of the other staff for the three weeks I was there. I have not passed out for about seven years now and lead a pretty normal SA free life. Although I sometimes feel a bit sorry for myself about how life treated me for the first 23 years of my life :o( |
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#15
19th June 2007, 20:11
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Re: Single worst SA experience
A lot of stuff at school, it's difficult to think of the shame
Schools are ****ing evil places. |
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#16
19th June 2007, 20:27
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Quote:
I've always loathed parties, or indeed any social event, but I remember going to a party for a mate who was going off to live in another country, but I simply couldn't join in for the life of me. The whole party thing is a nightmare for me, and the idea of trying to mingle and speak to random strangers is something that fills me with utter dread. Anyway, after I'd stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity, I remember putting in an almighty effort to strike up a conversation with this guy, in order to seem at least partly normal  but he just walked away and started talking to someone else. God, how I hated every minute of that night. Needless to say, the after event post-mortem was in full-swing for days after.It's incredibly frustrating to see the ease at which a lot of people can get on with random strangers like they've known them all their lives. I've never had that ability and never will. |
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#18
19th June 2007, 21:11
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Re: Single worst SA experience
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#19
19th June 2007, 21:40
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Re: Single worst SA experience
parties are a nightmare. unless i know the location and many of the people that are going to be there, i seldom go to them. i've not been to one for a few years. the last one i went to, my best friend was there and i clung to her embarrassingly (how it appeared to me anyway) for the whole evening. the glass wall i often perceive between me and the rest of the 'normal' world appears so much more pronounced at parties, when the emphasis is so squarely on interaction and conversation.
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#20
19th June 2007, 22:01
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Quote:
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#21
19th June 2007, 22:13
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Re: Single worst SA experience
i think abstaining from alcohol presents a few problems at parties, especially where sa is concerned. first, it becomes a bit of a chore after a while to remain on the same wavelength as people who are a bit / a lot tipsy. also, having a few drinks is an all too easy escape from anxiety, which means you're evading it (temporarily) rather than facing it. it makes you feel more sort of connected with people too, ie. that they're getting drunk and you are too. it's a dilemma. at most parties i've been to, drinking seems to be the norm, and kind of the point of the party to some people, for better or worse
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#22
19th June 2007, 22:33
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Aye, alcohol would certainly oil the wheels, but I can't stand the stuff. I don't go out socially these days though, so it doesn't really bother me.
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#23
19th June 2007, 22:50
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Re: Single worst SA experience
it's an interesting issue. people come to view alcohol from many different angles. i remember at college going to parties and, funny really, a college friend and i just concluded that beer was dreadful stuff. it depends on the environment and the social surroundings you grow up in i think. in northern provincial towns, its seen as a kind of fuel, a staple. i've always felt myself to be on the outside of that culture, but through habitually being around people whose idea of socialising is being intoxicated, i don't know, you end up not questioning your behaviour. i'm much more rational these days i think (i hope) in that sense, but i can see all too easily how people fall into line in that way, just equating weekend socialising with going out and getting hammered. i think alcohol in a significant measure just hits the pause button for a while on a person's inhibitions, which might be useful at the time, but doesn't allow them to learn anything new and grow. especially if you can't remember anything the next day :embarass:
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#24
20th June 2007, 11:09
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Quote:
My anxiety is related to PTSD so finding myself in situations where there’s lots of people makes me hyper vigilant.. I feel like I’m going to die, because I can’t control what’s going on around me. When I started shaking in the exam room it was because there were so many students in the hall, and I was afraid that if something happened, I wouldn’t be able to get out. That’s really irrational but that’s the way it is. The other problem that I have is feelings of dissociation. I can be just talking to people and then feel like I’m loosing it.(.e.g becoming detached from the scene kind of thing). .That led me initially to avoiding social situations. What helped me a lot was Beta Blockers because they reduced the anxiety ‘fight or flight’ response, that led to me being less afraid of freaking out in social situations etc. I also prefer Beta Blockers because you don’t have to take them all the time, you can also take a really low dose so you don’t feel like a Zombie. Quote:
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#25
21st June 2007, 00:08
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Re: Single worst SA experience
Proberly not my worst but one that sticks out in my mind, I arranged to meet some friends to go to the cinema, one of whom was and still is my best friend, I could feel the anxiety and panic rising just by walking up to where my friends were, I tried to make a joke (with my best friend) but it back fired and she just looked at me puzzled, that was it, alarm bells were ringing and I could feel myself going bright red and my forehead getting sweaty, my heart was racing and hand shaking, but worst of all was the feeling of stupidity and shame over the fact that this was over a joke with my best friend, someone who I should be able to say anything to without a bloody care in the world.
I ran, made up a lame half stuttered and stumbled sentence about forgetting something from my car, but it was that walk of about 30 meters that made me really depressed, feeling that if I felt like that with someone who was ment to be so close to me that I stood no chance of having close friends, the feeling of isolation was unbearable. |
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#26
21st June 2007, 01:36
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Re: Single worst SA experience
I've had too many >< But one that really stands out in my mind is this:
When I was about fifteen, I'd been shopping with my mum. She'd bought me a new top and jeans, and new shoes too. I was going to the cinema and was meeting a friend there. I hastily changed into my new clothes in the back of the car, praying nobody could see. Anyway, we arrived at the cinema and Mum stopped in the pick up point. It was quite busy outside the cinema, and I dreaded the thought of walking past all those people.I also felt really self conscious that I might look ridiculous in my new clothes because they weren't what i would usually wear. (Mum wabted me to dress more trendy ><) I started to think that people would look at me and laugh. Anyway after aboiut ten minutes of dithering in the car about if i actually wanted to go to the cinema or not, I stepped out of the car. I started walking towards the cinema, determined not to look at anyone incase they were looking at me. I was sure I looked stupid, or perhaps I still had a label on my jeans. When I was about ten steps away from Mum's car - the worst thing that could have happened happened. She beeped the horn. I completely panicked. I flung myself to the wall of the cinema so that people couldn't see whatever was wrong with the back of my jeans (what else would Mum be beeping about?!) Then, I proceeded to edge along the wall towards Mum's car, making sure nobody could see my backside when infact i was making such a spectacle that loads of people turned to stare, my mum informed me later >< After what seemed like an eternity, I got to the car and thrust the door open, only for the corner of it to catch my eyebrow and top of eye, making it bleed. I yelped loudly and flung myself in the car. I remember Mum looking at me, mouth agape. Then she said...'i only beeped because you had a label stuck to the bottom of your shoe'. At this point everyone outside the cinema had noticed and was looking and sniggering at me. It was awful! You'd thing that would be that, but to top it off, when I finally got my popcorn and drink and met my friend, we were walking up the steps in the cinema screen and i tripped. Popcorn everywhere. People laughing....Urg! Suffice to say...it was not a good day. |
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#27
21st June 2007, 02:12
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Re: Single worst SA experience
i was on the computor and some man took me in hook line and sinker, i had sa and depression and this man took advantage of me, so i tend to be more carefull, but it is the fruition of one that truly admits sa etc when one really admits being tookn advantage of, this can happen to men too, c
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#28
21st June 2007, 03:40
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Re: Single worst SA experience
I hate parties too. I quite like informal gettogethers with my friends, but not parties. Every party I have been to I've ended up sitting alone somewhere, wishing I'd never come and hating myself for being so different. My first was aged 13 at a fellow classmates 13th birthday bash. I spent the entire time sitting on some chairs put in a corridor for the purpose of not letting people through. Even the girl's mum came to see why I was there. None of them could understand how much I hated the party. Didn't go to another until I was 17, then went to a friends party and ended up watching his tv with someone else. Again it was pointed out to me by different people, making me feel really lonely. Then an 18th birthday party, same thing, except I got drunk and ended up hitting on a gay guy. He told me he was gay, but I thought he was just fobbing me off. I ended up in tears, alone and went home. Similar feeling in clubs at times and at the few parties I went to at uni.
I guess my worst SA moment, though, was not even a moment, but the fact that my SA meant I couldn't keep going to uni. I could not face doing any of the presentations and I couldn't face having a one to one with anyone to explain why.  At least now I know what SA is, so I feel a bit more empowered. I can now (unlike when I was at uni) explain that I have a mental health problem. |
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#29
22nd June 2007, 10:48
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Re: Single worst SA experience
I can't think of the worst SA experience right now, I suppose perhaps knowing I had to read out a presentation in class at college was pretty bad in creating the fear in the run up to it and then SA symptoms during it. One really bad SA experience doesn't spring to mind really, they tend to be similar in how bad they are I suppose.
However, probably the worst experience of my life was the 2 weeks I was at uni before dropping out. The SA I experienced in the halls and from walking around the campus etc, I've never felt so alone and so depressed in my life.
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#30
22nd June 2007, 11:32
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Re: Single worst SA experience
This is not the worst but it is one i remember from school. The teacher was trying to get us to learn our times tables. We all had
to be able to say them out loud. It came to my turn i was about 10yrs old at the time. I had to stand at the frount of the class and I remember looking at the whole class. I just could not say a word the teacher tried to get me to speak when he failed he put a chair on top of his desk and made me sit on it so i was now looking down at them. He then tried again to get me to speak I just sat there for what seemed forever i could say nothing . In the end he let me get down i dont think he ever reallly understood what was wrong. He must have found my behaviour odd as i was such an obedient child usually.
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