Tips for dealing better with anger?

Franz of Franzylvania · #1 3rd October 2019, 18:30

Has anyone struggled with anger but got better at dealing with it? I think I've got a little bit better in recent years, but I still have a tendency to bottle things up and then snap over small things. Mainly at work, because it's hard to get away from triggers and I feel trapped and unreal with the anxiety anyway, so am already sort of in fight or flight mode, and sometimes it doesn't take much to tip the balance in favour of fight.

I go in with the best of intentions but in the moment it just feels out of control and I don't know how to change that and be able to pause before saying stuff I regret.

Orwell20 · #2 3rd October 2019, 20:09

You could try anger management. Anger problems are common, especially on an overcrowded island like this.

BritishPeace · #3 3rd October 2019, 22:40

I luckily don't have anger as an issue at all, I am chilled out and hippyish. You could study anger management on youtube, they use breathing exercises and things like that.

Orwell20 · #4 4th October 2019, 14:04

Meditation and yoga are definitely worth a try. I also hope one day psychiatrists are licensed to use psychedelics to re-set our crazy thought patterns. I'm not so sure about martial arts. Some people say boxing is a great way to release anger, but there is then the danger that you'll lose it with someone at work and knock them out! Unfortunately, there just isn't anywhere, except maybe the Highlands or some remote part of Cumbria, where you can go for a quieter life. I live in the countryside, but the traffic is horrendous and they are building rabbit hutch houses everywhere. It's no wonder everyone is so angry all the time. Cram too many animals in a cage at the zoo and what happens? They start attacking each other.

Dougella · #5 4th October 2019, 15:00

It's also worth asking yourself is your anger justified and what is it really about? Because the underlying reason that you're feeling so angry might be completely understandable and you might need to find a healthy way of expressing it or doing something about the situation that's making you so angry.

Bluebear · #6 4th October 2019, 16:43

If the anger is justified then itâ€™s a natural emotion. For example some people are jerks and the only response to their garbage is no response.

db838 · #7 4th October 2019, 19:02

Yes I've decided to try and not bottle it up any more. I went too far about a month ago and called a colleague a C-unit in front of my boss (luckily my boss largely agrees and the other guy chose not to make a statement, probably because he'd need to explain why he behaves the way he does) but other than that I've tried to take on board stuff I learned on my assertiveness course my GP put me on. If I have a problem with something, better to deal with it there and then.

Mountainstream · #8 4th October 2019, 19:10

Bottling up anger combined with lack of insight... way to many people harm others due to those â€˜failingsâ€™ ..

(This was a thought I had and not linked to the poster above)

Mr. Nobody · #9 5th October 2019, 13:59

I used to find that THIS really helped a lot,..
But it was difficult to find somewhere to practice it properly,

Trouble is that being who we are, it's often difficult to respond fully or adequately to challenges in the moment,
So people can behave really unfairly towards us and often go unchallenged simply because we don't want a scene and feel super uncomfortable expressing displeasure and so on,..
So these unexpressed emotions can linger and fester and taint our natural state and colour our subsequent behaviour,

So we either start responding to and challenging these situations as they happen, and/or cathart all these poisonous negative emotions that linger as a result of not challenging them.

Counterpoint · #10 7th October 2019, 14:04

Gym? Martial arts? You might just need healthy ways to vent, using your body to exhaust yourself in a healthy way.

Batman1973 · #11 7th October 2019, 23:26

I wonder if your anger is just bottled up frustration about not being good socially. Life revolves around interactions with people and if you're having a nightmare with it like most of us on here, life can be so tough and make you very irritable with everyone. Like others said, you bottle it up because you don't want to express yourself but eventually it has to come out and it may be too much then.

I saw a therapist about this once and they said I needed to do "little punches". In other words when people slightly overstep the line with you, let them know instantly in a gentle but assertive way. That way people will respect your boundaries early on, treat you better, and therefore you'll be more comfortable with yourself and therefore less angry. I don't know if that helps...

Bluebear · #12 7th October 2019, 23:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batman1973

I wonder if your anger is just bottled up frustration about not being good socially. Life revolves around interactions with people and if you're having a nightmare with it like most of us on here, life can be so tough and make you very irritable with everyone. Like others said, you bottle it up because you don't want to express yourself but eventually it has to come out and it may be too much then.

I saw a therapist about this once and they said I needed to do "little punches". In other words when people slightly overstep the line with you, let them know instantly in a gentle but assertive way. That way people will respect your boundaries early on, treat you better, and therefore you'll be more comfortable with yourself and therefore less angry. I don't know if that helps...

Good post, and I think good advice from a therapist. Boundaries are very important..

Franz of Franzylvania · #13 9th October 2019, 18:06

Thanks for the advice all. This week's been one of the worst since I've been here tbh, trying to not get involved in nonsense but people just won't drop things, and my manager basically just abandoning me to fix a major system **** up and getting angry when I can't magically do so. I know it's stupid to let it wind me up but I just don't know how to keep being around these people.

^^ that makes a lot of sense batman. The 'little punches' is interesting because I do think I struggle with that. Whereas if my colleagues get annoyed I think they let people know in a bantery kind of way and then that'd be that. Whereas I wouldn't say anything because I'd be scared to mortally offend them, plus I'm not great at getting the banter balance right. It's definitely something to work on though.