Cliques in the Workplace!

[Formershyguy]

I work for a very large company. I'm happy where I am but I can't help feeling I'd like more Human contact. I try to talk to some people and have tried to talk to people from other teams, especially women but most can be so standoffish unless they are with members of their own teams.

One girl did start talking to me who actually works further down the office! And I'd chat to her on occasion in the kitchen. I work in a very small team! Most days I can get away with saying just 5 words "Morning" and "see you tomorrow" unless ofcourse my boss or someone starts talking to me!

Our team is just 4 people, my boss, her new assistant (another guy who is always busy) and guy next to me who isn't much of talker anyway! Before there were a few more people, a couple of girls who were really fun and it made working much more of a pleasure as I had people to have conversations with. My team is the smallest in the whole company I think as most teams here seem to be up to 20 people!

When I see other people chatting to each other from their teams they seem to have such good relationships and rapport. Its funny I've tried to have conversations with some of these people and I guess its not the same for them as they already have these long standing relationships with their team members.

As its a big company (900 people on this one site alone!) people seem to mostly chat to people within their teams. Although this might not always be the case, say if there are a group of people in the kitchen.

What I find annoying is I will try to reach out to people and they don't really feel bothered! Its like they feel awkward and will only talk to people in their teams!

I've kind of stopped talking to this one girl. I don't know if I'm attracted to her or just want to socialise but there have been times I've tried to talk to her and she seems to be awkward but I've seen her talking to other people and conversation seems to just flow between them. It could be because she is shy and doesn't feel comfortable until she gets to know someone.

One time I came to work early and was waiting outside for the doors to open and she arrived. I tried to start a conversation and it felt so bloody awkward even though I tried to keep it lighthearted! She didn't try to keep it going either and went back to texting on her phone! Infact I hate it when people do this anyway whether its at work or not! But to be fair I might do that too if I didn't feel comfortable with the person trying to have conversation with me, especially charity workers!

This hasn't been with everyone as there has been a couple of girls I have had some fun conversations with! But its just I still feel isolated! I mean years ago I think I enjoyed being on my own. I've actually worked in temp jobs where I had a whole office to myself which was just heaven. But as I get older I would love more Human contact!

Does anyone work in a cliquey environment?

[Franz of Franzylvania]

I don't think it's necessarily cliquey to feel a bit awkward around colleagues you don't work directly with, especially in such a large company. I'd love to be one of those people who can just mingle with everyone, but I can't seem to maintain it. On a good day I can have a brief conversation in the lift, but the next day I'll be right back to avoiding eye contact and practically running away. I know that's partly an SA thing, but I don't think it's exclusively so. Whereas with the people in your team, being forced to interact with them every day means the conversation does flow more easily, however much you might secretly think they're prats, and you also just have more stuff to talk about (whinging about a particular task or customer etc). Maybe focus on interacting with other people in the office who seem to enjoy mingling and chatting outside their own teams, as they might be more open to it? Or people you don't work directly with but you do have some other connection with (eg. Someone who calls you a lot, someone you've been on training with etc)? Or if your workplace had a gym or any organised groups (choir or volunteering type stuff), people might be more open to social interaction there?

[emre43]

From my experience, my HR department are a massive clique. I think different departments tend to mainly speak amongst themselves and don’t extend beyond that.

[Orwell20]

Originally Posted by tanya97

I think its referred to as Tribalism.

Spot on. Often, just like in the playground, you get an alpha (confident, loud, domineering) and then a couple of sycophants. It varies of course, but some workplaces are utterly toxic. You only need a couple of nasty, spiteful alphas and they will bring out the worst in those who surround them. I remember going on a chat forum once for people who are hating university. The word that came up more than any other was "cliques". You get them at school, at work, in yoga classes, I bet you even get them in retirement homes. Bullying, alphas, sycophants, cliques...humans are humans, and things never change. You'd have to re-write our monkey DNA to stop it.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Jimmy77

and then a couple of sycophants

Yes, I have seen this a number of times. Sycophancy so deep it made my stomach turn. All done just to keep in with an alpha, so as not to become a target of their vitriol as well...

[AnxiousExtrovert]

Originally Posted by Jimmy77

Spot on. Often, just like in the playground, you get an alpha (confident, loud, domineering) and then a couple of sycophants. It varies of course, but some workplaces are utterly toxic. You only need a couple of nasty, spiteful alphas and they will bring out the worst in those who surround them. I remember going on a chat forum once for people who are hating university. The word that came up more than any other was "cliques". You get them at school, at work, in yoga classes, I bet you even get them in retirement homes. Bullying, alphas, sycophants, cliques...humans are humans, and things never change. You'd have to re-write our monkey DNA to stop it.

Yes ive come across cliques loads of times in the workplace and the type of thing youre talking about. I have quite a strong opinionated personality and I can often become a target for some cliquey type people. Im never a bully or rude but I think some people who dont get me or know me can see me as somewhat obnoxious or puzzled by my individualness.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by limey123

Yes, I have seen this a number of times. Sycophancy so deep it made my stomach turn. All done just to keep in with an alpha, so as not to become a target of their vitriol as well...

First time I ever saw this I was about 7. There was a kid in our class (I won't name him, but his initials were OP) who used to hang around with the alpha. Actually, the alpha himself wasn't that bad (not a bully). Anyway, this little rat, OP, was like his shadow. Even at 7 he had the instincts of a sycophant. I then went through school with him until he moved. At 17, I ran into him again at my sixth form, and he was just the same. I was having real problems at the time, and whenever he saw me he used to roll his eyes. He could sense that I was weak, you see, and he knew he could get away with it. God, if I ever see him again he'd better duck. I hope I do, and that he runs into me in some quiet backstreet, with me in a bad mood. I bet even now, at 40, he's the same nasty, cowardly little weasel.