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  #1  
Old 13th September 2021, 11:18
Amara 94 Amara 94 is offline
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Default Does your Social pecking order have an affect on your self belief?

My current situation makes me think of this.

I consider myself at the bottom of the social pecking order.

I don't know how to or am so uncomfortable communicating with strangers in the public. I'm really shy around certain people such as kids, teens, babies, women particularly Black women and men if it comes to activities that are stereotypically seen as masculine. I put this down to social isolation and lack of family communication though. It looks wrong to be uncomfortable around these people but if you walk in my shoes it's actually really understandable.

I have noticed, as stated in the past, if I have a haircut that I think looks good and notice a difference in how I am treated after a good haircut, I feel good about the haircut and how it looks but so self conscious and like an imposter. I now put this down to the fact that I see myself almost at the bottom of the social pecking order that I don't expect good things, even if they are ordinary, to happen to me.

As I have posted, I have gotten a job offer. The pay rate isn't anything amazing but it's also long hours that I will be making more than I have ever made. And I was offered the job from a temp job. I feel like this is something good as it feel like a small step up the job ladder to me and also a path to more independence, moving out, being able to pay for private assessments and maybe treatments etc. But I am also conscious that I shouldn't let this get to the top of my head.

I think because I am socially isolated, misunderstood, most people I encounter seem to see my anxiety much more than other stuff about me, so they see me as a doormat and act in passive aggressive ways, can speak to me like I know less than them for example. An interview I recently had, the interviewer kept pointing out how I was nervous, like it's a wrong thing to feel. An ounce of success sometimes seems like it is much more than an ounce of success to me.

I think the solution to social status affecting my self belief is acceptance. Acceptance of my truth cause I am not people's judgements but I do have anxiety and social problems and I think I have to be comfortable or accept that fact.

TLDR: The fact that I see myself having the lowest of the low social statuses, just above a homeless person and slightly above a person society may label as highly mentally ill, anytime something good happens in my life it feels almost too good to be true that it's so uncomfortable that I feel like an imposter and also worry that the good thing may make me arrogant or be ruined.
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  #2  
Old 13th September 2021, 12:14
indignant misanthrope indignant misanthrope is offline
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Default Re: Does your Social pecking order have an affect on your self belief?

Quote:
Does your Social pecking order have an affect on your self belief?
social dominance hierarchy on my self belief? not really I don't really want to be dominating others,other things affect it. if someone is in a position of power greater than me and they've achieved that then I accept that the system rewarded their dedication to it. I might not agree with system itself but that's a different matter entirely.

in terms of being punished for having social anxiety, mental health issues are generally invisible, unless you are mentally handicapped pretty much everyone can't see that a person has mental health issues. the exception might be another person who experiences anxiety might recognise it in another and empathise.
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  #3  
Old 13th September 2021, 19:22
Amara 94 Amara 94 is offline
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Default Re: Does your Social pecking order have an affect on your self belief?

I’m not saying it’s right or healthy to look at things this way but I’m expressing how I honestly feel. It’s not ideal but is how I truly feel but yeah it’s like how I feel about this would probably be seen as wrong but it’s the raw truth.

I don’t always agree with Jordan Peterson and think sometimes he is too concrete with how he says we should be but I agree with one clip of him speaking of social status and how it actually affects certain hormones like serotonin in our bodies. Then there are other studies about how social isolation is actually bad for our health.

I’m not looking for admiration, I don’t think I am. I am not looking to have a better job than others, although I would be happier with more money or not having to worry about it.

Enjoyment?

How can one enjoy stuff fully if what they enjoy makes them nervous as they may feel like they don’t deserve it?

I think I have low social status. I don’t see it as a bad thing, it is what it is. I think because I understand why I may have low social status it doesn’t seem bad. It seems like something I can improve though.
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Old 13th September 2021, 20:16
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Does your Social pecking order have an affect on your self belief?

I've never really given much thought to a social "pecking order" - I'm me, not at the top or at the bottom. I suppose for many years, since I was ostracised and rejected socially, I was at the bottom but I didn't see it that way and my self-belief has never really changed. Now that I find myself talking to people from all walks of life, I do feel happier in myself for finally having some social interaction in my life, but my self-esteem is the same as it's always been.
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  #5  
Old 24th September 2021, 02:51
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: Does your Social pecking order have an affect on your self belief?

Lower social status and social isolation are two different things though. I feel the same with the low social status and I don't like it. Although, it's partly a practical issue and partly a psychological issue. I do think it negatively affects me psychologically, definitely. It's perhaps got a bit easier after 40. It feels like things like that don't matter quite as much. Being a lesbian, (God will I ever stop going on about it?) as well as being deeply shameful and inherently marginalising, meant and frankly still does mean low social status. Unless you make up for it in some way by being a high achiever or incredibly likeable. Which obviously isn't me. So there's some of that in there for me. I do believe that being lower in a pecking order can be stressful, in a micro environment like a workplace or social group or household. When I first heard that, I identified with that.

But it seems like you are talking about fitting in with others, in part. And about fearing something bad will happen if something good happens to you? There's a lot there to unpack! Maybe if you move out (easier said than done, I know!) and try to connect with people you click with, that's the direction to move in. I only say that because it seems like your mum puts you down a lot and makes you more self conscious, and that can be very damaging coming from a parent. You are quite right about acceptance. I never even tried acceptance of anything I didn't like about myself until well into my 30s, and look where that got me! It didn't even occur to me!
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