The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

[Tembo]

^ Fingers crossed you will be able to in a few months!

No I don't speak to anyone professional. A few years ago, I did start CBT therapy for anxiety, and then the year after the same thing for depression. It did really help me deal with my severe anxiety. I still have anxiety, but not as much. So, it may be time to revisit, and possibly explore the option of medication this time. Your words of encouragement have helped me think about this. I have some time off work coming up soon so then might be good to try and sort it out.

[Orwell20]

Does anyone fantasise about something else doing the job for them? I have a recurrent fantasy of an asteroid hitting the earth while I’m asleep and wiping everything out, including me. No pain, no fear, no grieving mum and sister left behind...just pfff, nothing. The end of suffering.

[AuroraSky]

I appreciated the recommendation for the Roman Kemp programme which was really insightful, I am thankful to have seen it, and would recommend it to others.

[Orwell20]

Originally Posted by No Longer Human

No, I ruminate sometimes on suicide pacts, though. Or even group or cult suicide. I think certain aspects of voluntary deliverence could be celebrated, in spite of the modern taboo in doing so, and the mutual encouragement of a suicide pact might be welcome.

It is just a passing rumination though. I've always been solitary and there's no reason to imagine that ever changing..

It is a common theme, also, on the loveshy forums I frequent for people to state that they are waiting for their parents to pass and.. that's it. For some lonely souls the only harm their suicide will cause is to their parents, and that is the final obstacle, one that will fall some day.

The sad truth is that suicide isn’t always irrational or tragic. Sometimes it’s a sensible thing to do. People become really angry when you say that. It’s taboo, like saying “I’d never bring a child into the world - you’re better off never being born.” There’s a sort of unspoken agreement that we must pretend life’s generally great and worth living. But when I look back (I’m now 44) and think of my suicidal 14 year old self, I can honestly say that, had I ended my life, I wouldn’t have missed much. In the last 30 years, the pain, fear, sadness, etc, have massively outweighed the good. And if I could look into a crystal ball and see the horror life has in store over the next 30 years (a childless, poverty-stricken old age...cancer? deafness, blindness? dementia? etc) I don’t know what I’d do.

We have this strange delusion, probably imported from the USA, that there’s always hope. For many people there isn’t.

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by Orwell20

We have this strange delusion, probably imported from the USA, that there’s always hope. For many people there isn’t.

I don't think this has anything to do with being "imported" - the compulsion to live is universal. Humans would have died out long ago if they were reluctant to struggle on in the face of adversity. Other animals generally don't give up trying to live, do they? Hope is surely a biological instinct, not a cultural delusion.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Orwell20

The sad truth is that suicide isn’t always irrational or tragic. Sometimes it’s a sensible thing to do. People become really angry when you say that. It’s taboo, like saying “I’d never bring a child into the world - you’re better off never being born.” There’s a sort of unspoken agreement that we must pretend life’s generally great and worth living. But when I look back (I’m now 44) and think of my suicidal 14 year old self, I can honestly say that, had I ended my life, I wouldn’t have missed much. In the last 30 years, the pain, fear, sadness, etc, have massively outweighed the good. And if I could look into a crystal ball and see the horror life has in store over the next 30 years (a childless, poverty-stricken old age...cancer? deafness, blindness? dementia? etc) I don’t know what I’d do.

We have this strange delusion, probably imported from the USA, that there’s always hope. For many people there isn’t.

I'm not contradicting you here, because your life experience is yours and I'm sorry it's been like that.

But for me I'm so glad I didn't act on the suicidal feelings I had for a long time when I was young. I feel so much better than I ever thought I could do then now, and I never would have experienced that. My family situation and relationships with them are ten times better now that everyone's grown up and don't live together. I know myself better and i'm gradually building some self esteem. I've also been lucky enough to find someone to be in a good relationship with and it's taken a lot of work but having a healthy,loving partnership with someone is something I'm glad I was still around to experience.

Other people have different goals and things they want or things they regret, but I dont want anyone reading this to think that nothing will change for them, because it can.

[Tonkin]

Originally Posted by Orwell20

Does anyone fantasise about something else doing the job for them? I have a recurrent fantasy of an asteroid hitting the earth while I’m asleep and wiping everything out, including me. No pain, no fear, no grieving mum and sister left behind...just pfff, nothing. The end of suffering.

Yeah! On the way to work, I used to wish that my bus would crash. It was a long time ago but I was pretty unhappy back then.

I sometimes have similar feelings now, although not for a few months, but dying of something a bit slower so I had time to prepare.

The problem with dying is that you would be dead so you wouldn't get to appreciate not being alive.

But I've got too many responsibilities to kick the bucket now, so I would rather stay alive. Sods law I get run over by a bus tomorrow

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by indignant misanthrope

I hate life, it's so crap, it's just constant suffering.

It can certainly often feel that way and this past year has been especially hellish for so many of us with pre-existing mental health issues.


I'll refrain from the usual platitudes...but...I will say that if my numerous past attempts to end it all had been successful I would have missed out on some pretty amazing and life changing future events.

[SAUKmods]

A reminder that this thread provides a safe space for those who are suffering from suicidal thoughts to be able to talk openly about their feelings and experiences relating to those thoughts, and for other members to offer support.

In future, please use The controversial topics thread to more broadly discuss and/or philosophise the subject.

[Tembo]

Hope you feel better soon Nanuq! Yes as Raks says, I’d recommend getting outside if you can. Of course, it doesn’t solve any problems, but I always find it calming and relaxing when getting outside, particularly on warm sunny days. Hopefully it’s nice weather too where you are!

[Tembo]

Hopefully even just sitting outside, watching and listening to nature may still help. Fresh air and a bit of vitamin D.

Sorry that you can't walk or cycle like you used to, it must be frustrating!

[Consolida]

^ Thank you Nanuq

You take care too xx

[Pink*Lady]

I'm really struggling at the moment. I just don't know how I can change things.

[Tembo]

Sorry to hear that Pink Lady! I hope things are less of a struggle for you soon!!

[Pink*Lady]

Thanks Nanuq and Tembo.

[Consolida]

^ I hope you are feeling a little better today Pink*Lady

[Consolida]

^ Please don't apologise. You aren't whining at all, just using this thread for what it's here for

I'm so sorry that you've been having a lot of thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore, but it's good that you recognise that you have someone that you love and who would be devastated if they lost you. That's a huge reason to continue living isn't it although I can totally understand why that may cause you to feel resentful at times.
How much easier it might be if we had no one who would miss us when we are gone, accept, even if we don't realise it, there are always people whose lives we have touched - even on a social anxiety forum.

I wish I could think of something helpful to say, GirlAfraid.

Please continue to post if it helps you and don't ever feel that you need to apologise for sharing your feelings here. Take care x

[Counterpoint]

GirlAfaid and Pink Lady

[Pink*Lady]

Thank you Consolida and Counterpoint.

[Percy]

^Nonsense you're a lovely human being who deserves happiness, you certainly should'nt have been drowned at birth.

[Consolida]

^ Thank you Percy, your kind words mean a lot

[Consolida]

^ Your'e a kind soul NLH, thank you

[Mellie]

I’m slowly getting closer. I’m so irritating to be around I’m driving everyone mad.

[Percy]

Aw, no you're not mellie.

[Mellie]

You don’t see me everyday

[Percy]

I see enough of you to know it isn't true.

[Mellie]

Rarely go on here anymore.

[Consolida]

^ I'd noticed that you hadn't been around for some time but hoped it might be because things were going better for you. I'm sad to hear that this isn't the case

Please take care of yourself Mellie and remember that we are here if you need to chat x

[Mellie]

Thanks consolida. Sorry to disappoint but still feel the same, lost hope. I hope you are well consolida and Percy xx

[Mellie]

I really wish my parents aborted me. Argh I feel such a failure in life and disappoint them everyday by saying how shit I feel constantly