Awkwardness at Work

[Formershyguy]

Can anyone relate? starting a new job can feel intimidating to anyone, going into a new environment where people have known each other a while.

Right now I'm in my third week of this job and I still feel like the outsider. I see people there have already some rapport with each other. People must think I'm either rude or quiet. A couple of times when I was about to leave to go home I said "Bye" to the people nearest to me who are sat directly behind me.

It just seems so awkward as I'm sat on a row of tables on my own. Its very quiet as most people seem to be working from home but there are about 20 people in the office on this floor.

I dread it when it comes time to leave although I'm relieved when it does but it means I have to leave without feeling awkward. I don't feel comfortable saying good bye to anyone so I just pack up and walk out nonchalantly.

Its must easier when I'm in a team and they are all sat on the same table as me but its just such a weird set up. My actual team is mostly working from home. I'm having Teams calls with my Manager most of the time.

This is the reality when doing temporary work but not all jobs are this awkward. My last company was wonderful. It was a massive company and I worked in a team of 5 people. So even if I had been sat on my own no one would have noticed me because people were in their own teams. Also the great thing about it was I was able to start conversations with other people in the kitchen.

It just feels like such an effort and I feel bad leaving without saying goodbye to anyone but I don't know what else to do.

THe good thing is it is only temporary and I get to work from home once a week too.

[Amara 94]

Accept the reality, maybe you don’t have work mates but you are by no means rude or anything, you have anxiety though.

I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I’m usually going to be a loner in work places or may be socially excluded.

People may say there isn’t stigma in anxiety nowadays but feeling guilty just because you are anxious is a clear sign there is still some stigma and misunderstanding when it comes to anxiety.

This is why for me getting a diagnosis feels important for me. How are you meant to open up if you feel shame in who you are?

[Tonkin]

I can relate to that. I used to feel super awkward in some jobs I had, things like leaving, taking phone calls etc.

Can't give any advice I'm afraid but I know how you feel.

[KellyUK]

I've been working for the same retail company for ten years and I do feel a bit more comfortable now than I did when I first started but it's taken a while. I'm still not actually 'friends' with any of my work colleagues because I'm simply too quiet for many of them - no one in my store would go out of their way to talk to me and I certainly don't socialise with them outside of work - but we can say hello and goodbye to each other easily and talk about the annoying side of the job and customers when walking past each other in corridors etc.

Working on a large shop floor makes things easier for someone with social anxiety in a way because you have less direct contact with other workers - quite often you'll be on your own putting out stock.

[gregarious_introvert]

I can definitely relate, but I don't have any answers: I was always the outsider in whatever job I was doing (and I went through a few, because I kept getting "let go" because I made colleagues feel uncomfortable).

[KellyUK]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

I can definitely relate, but I don't have any answers: I was always the outsider in whatever job I was doing (and I went through a few, because I kept getting "let go" because I made colleagues feel uncomfortable).

That's one of the biggest problems for people with anxiety, feeling that others are uncomfortable around you, which in turn makes you not want to talk very much. It's a vicious circle..

[AireleeBray]

I'm only just feeling comfortable being myself at work, though it's clear I'm never going to be classed as anyone's friend, this week I was a messanger to ask B if she wanted to go get dinner with A (as friends, they always meet outside work) so I pass message on then A asks me for B's reply & Im not even invited,

[Dougella]

^ I would be severely tempted to tell those workmates where they can shove that type of behaviour!

[Tembo]

Originally Posted by AireleeBray

I'm only just feeling comfortable being myself at work, though it's clear I'm never going to be classed as anyone's friend, this week I was a messanger to ask B if she wanted to go get dinner with A (as friends, they always meet outside work) so I pass message on then A asks me for B's reply & Im not even invited,

What kind of weird behaviour is that! Have these people not discovered mobile phones and the ability to text/WhatsApp?

It reminds me of school when someone asked another to pass on a message to a crush they had.

[Mr. Nobody]

I find workplace relationships can be a major source of difficulty,
sometimes even, I think it's the one thing that spoils and taints my entire work experience, without having to deal with relating to people, I'd probably thrive, even look forward to going to work.
I can be fine sometimes one-to-one if its very casual and light-hearted but if I'm in a group of any kind I tend to just clam up and become distant,

I know that people tend to just not get me or understand where I'm coming from, and visa-versa,..I just don't get some people,

I can be standing right next to someone else, doing the same job, in the same place, and people will very markedly and noticeably walk up and only say hello to and talk to this other person,..this happens so often,..but then, the talk is often rather inane,

If I was of such insufficient intelligence, yes, I could possibly talk excitedly and at length about footbal and gambling, and how drunk I got at the weekend, or state the absolute obvious about common facts,,. But it's just not me.
I really can't get enthusiastic at my age about over-paid tattooed foreigners kicking a ball up and down a park, it just makes no sense to me at all how animated people get about that,,I just find it all rather sad, pathetic even,

So, yes, I probably do noticeably distance myself from that,
I find gambling just idiotic and reckless too, so I don't indulge that,

No-one at work gets enthusiastic about art, no-one seems to get passionate about music, no-one finds wonder in nature,,.,they all just seem alien to me,

There tends to also be a deep-seated culture about doing as little work as possible and actively avoiding doing the work that needs done,..

I'm just so disillusioned with my workplace at the moment, and I can't see that changing,

I'm probably in the wrong job,..like a round peg in a square hole.

[AireleeBray]

Originally Posted by Tembo

What kind of weird behaviour is that! Have these people not discovered mobile phones and the ability to text/WhatsApp?

It reminds me of school when someone asked another to pass on a message to a crush they had.

Yep that's exactly what it's like, I'm the one noone fancies taking out to dinner
In my job we're not allowed phones on us, but she could of just walked up to her herself. I don't understand why I needed to be involved.

[MissKatie]

Three weeks seems fine to me.
Heck, takes me at least two months of working with someone new (which I do a lot in my work) before I'll start to be chatty.
It's never anything personal, I just am a very quiet and guarded person.

So I'd try not to worry about it as long as they aren't actively ignoring you when you say bye, then I'd say all is fine

[Formershyguy]

Originally Posted by MissKatie

Three weeks seems fine to me.
Heck, takes me at least two months of working with someone new (which I do a lot in my work) before I'll start to be chatty.
It's never anything personal, I just am a very quiet and guarded person.

So I'd try not to worry about it as long as they aren't actively ignoring you when you say bye, then I'd say all is fine

Thing is I have worked in some places longer than 2 months and still not become very chatty with anyone. But I think this can depend on how many people there are and other factors.

My last company was massive. It had open plan offices so there were many teams and sometimes I would talk to people in the kitchen.

Also I could do without having to make this journey everyday as I have to get up early. Atleast I get to work from home Fridays but I think I could do the job fully remote until the end of the contract.

They told me the job was until atleast mid to end of October. My plan is to tell the Agency that I have something else lined up when it gets nearer the time starting beginning of November. Just in case they want to keep me there longer.

[Ro26]

Originally Posted by Formershyguy

Thing is I have worked in some places longer than 2 months and still not become very chatty with anyone. But I think this can depend on how many people there are and other factors.

My last company was massive. It had open plan offices so there were many teams and sometimes I would talk to people in the kitchen.

Also I could do without having to make this journey everyday as I have to get up early. Atleast I get to work from home Fridays but I think I could do the job fully remote until the end of the contract.

They told me the job was until atleast mid to end of October. My plan is to tell the Agency that I have something else lined up when it gets nearer the time starting beginning of November. Just in case they want to keep me there longer.

I can completely relate to this post. I am currently completing a work placement and any social skills I thought I had, I clearly don't. I cant seem to relate to my colleagues and make constant mistakes due to my anxiety which then make it even more impossible to relate to other members of staff. Does anyone else feel as if having social anxiety makes being a functioning human in the workplace impossible? I feel since I've started this placement that I may end up being someone who just cant work at all and that terrifies me. If anyone else can relate please share, as this thread is the first place where I've felt a tiny bit less alone about how hopeless having social anxiety at work can make you feel.

[Formershyguy]

Originally Posted by Ro26

I can completely relate to this post. I am currently completing a work placement and any social skills I thought I had, I clearly don't. I cant seem to relate to my colleagues and make constant mistakes due to my anxiety which then make it even more impossible to relate to other members of staff. Does anyone else feel as if having social anxiety makes being a functioning human in the workplace impossible? I feel since I've started this placement that I may end up being someone who just cant work at all and that terrifies me. If anyone else can relate please share, as this thread is the first place where I've felt a tiny bit less alone about how hopeless having social anxiety at work can make you feel.

I totally understand. But I have worked in some places where I really enjoyed it and it was a pleasure to go to everyday. I think the good thing about temping is you can try certain jobs to see if you're a good fit. My last major role I was there for over 3 years and I would have stayed there forever if it hadn't been for the pandemic.

I know its hard going into a new environment where people already have established relationships with each other. Ideally try to find a job where you don't have to spend so much time with people or maybe think about finding a job working from home.

[Formershyguy]

Just started another temp role. Unlike the last job I am now in an open plan office although there aren't as many people in the office as many are working from home and come in on odd days.

People seem nice but I feel although people are trying to be friendly with me and start introducing themselves to me, I must seem pretty unfriendly as I will try to end the conversation quick.

I will give one word answers when I sense the person expected a longer drawn out conversation. I think one woman must dislike me now as she had tried to start a conversation with me but I gave her nothing.

But if people just ask closed ended questions like "you must be doing the migration work?" and I answer "Yes I am" lol What the hell else am I supposed to say? I can only give as good as the questions/information I'm given.

When people are packing up to leave for the day I just put my head down and work so it isn;t too awkward when I have to say goodbye. Although now it seems people are mostly just saying bye to their own colleaues.

I mean they seem happy with my work so far. Its easy work and its really close to where I live. But I can;t wait to finish so I have my freedom back. So I can spend time at home or anywhere else doing my own thing.

Next job I'd like it to be either in a place where I will be on my own a lot, or part time or simply working from home.

Ideally it would be nice to just work for myself. I don;t mind interacting with people but not in big groups. I like it to be on my own terms.

At my last job I was talking to people every so often when they happened to walk past by little office or desk. There was one girl who started chatting to me, very friendly and she would make a point of saying bye when she left. If I'm honest I kind of fell her for her. She was beautiful and seemed like a wonderful person.

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by Formershyguy

But if people just ask closed ended questions like "you must be doing the migration work?" and I answer "Yes I am" lol What the hell else am I supposed to say? I can only give as good as the questions/information I'm given.

Yeah but if you can offer a little seed of something additional then the person can latch onto that and they can do their half of the conversation.

2. Yeah I am. Mostly it's migration work from Swindon.

1. Ah right, yeah I heard that location was closing.

2. Yeah next June I think

1. Oh ok, that's where Oscar used to work

Something like that