This video is completely true

iTz0kt0Bu · #1 24th July 2012, 15:34

Thinking about it the people who seem to have good social lives aren't always perfect and you don't need the perfect social sill to be social although i do think they can help but like with some other things social skills probably come from experience.

diplodocus · #2 24th July 2012, 16:03

Seen this before and I both agree and disagree.
The assumption is when your SA is gone you will have the social skills that were always there. That just isn't true for all of us unfortunately.

iTz0kt0Bu · #3 24th July 2012, 16:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Seen this before and I both agree and disagree.
The assumption is when your SA is gone you will have the social skills that were always there. That just isn't true for all of us unfortunately.

Yeah but he says social skills are natural and also come from experience, so we probably just have to interact more but idk how. Plus he also states that some ppl that seem better than us when it comes to socialising don't have the best social skills eg. they might be arrogant. But then i do admit that being the complete opposite of arrogant won't help. I guess confidence can help.

socialanxietyjohn · #4 24th July 2012, 20:51

He's an inspirational character. I used to watch all his Youtube videos but he's too busy to post any now

diplodocus · #5 24th July 2012, 23:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by retepe

Yeah but he says social skills are natural and also come from experience, so we probably just have to interact more but idk how. Plus he also states that some ppl that seem better than us when it comes to socialising don't have the best social skills eg. they might be arrogant. But then i do admit that being the complete opposite of arrogant won't help. I guess confidence can help.

I can see what he is saying but you aren't just born with social skills, so when he says natural I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he means you learn them by a natural process as you go through life. The problem I see is that for some people yes they have developed the necessary social skills but they can't express them properly due to SA inhibiting them, there are others who not only have SA messing up their social skills but they have less than adequate social skills anyway.

If you took an extreme example of a boy who was orphaned and brought up by a wolf pack, well when he finally gets back into human society is he going to have adequate social skills? Of course not. Obviously he'll learn them, but if he's 18 he'll have 18 years worth of catching up to do before getting to the average level. And how have we all lived our lives really dictates what social skills we have learnt.

Taking myself as an example, and this explains why I have this opinion, I feel as though I have gotten over my SA to a large extent. Interacting with strangers doesn't cause what I would consider extreme anxiety any more. I can force myself to interact if I want, where as before it would have taken a monumental effort every time. But my social skills I feel just aren't up to scratch. Unfortunately there is no way out there to be able to improve them apart from just getting out there and winging it.

Social skills are a very complex and incredibly varied set of skills but we are just told that you just pick them up as you go along. That doesn't seem very agreeable to me as I just feel like I'm stuck and not going anywhere. There are some self-help books out there but they are pretty basic and unhelpful. It would be great if there was some sort of formal training out there or help groups to help improve these fundamental and incredibly important skills but as far as I know there just isn't. Which is one reason why I think people hold the opinion that they just come 'naturally' and just accept it as fact.

Johnni · #6 24th July 2012, 23:04

Don't like his vids. Said it before and i will say it again lol.

Tom123 · #7 24th July 2012, 23:17

I disagree with the whole premiss.

I like myself it's just that my SA stops me from expressing myself. Social skills are hugely important to me. I don't try to copy people, I just want to find an outlet to be able to express myself the way I want to, not the way somebody else does.

It's NOT about remembering tips or ways to be social. It's just finding a way to put things across, it takes practice and work (it can be tiny things like using slightly different words which as less negative/confrontational etc)

I don't think you can claim to have overcome SA if you are trying to copy or find secrets that others use.

iTz0kt0Bu · #8 24th July 2012, 23:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by diplodocus

If you took an extreme example of a boy who was orphaned and brought up by a wolf pack, well when he finally gets back into human society is he going to have adequate social skills? Of course not. Obviously he'll learn them, but if he's 18 he'll have 18 years worth of catching up to do before getting to the average level. And how have we all lived our lives really dictates what social skills we have learnt.

Taking myself as an example, and this explains why I have this opinion, I feel as though I have gotten over my SA to a large extent. Interacting with strangers doesn't cause what I would consider extreme anxiety any more. I can force myself to interact if I want, where as before it would have taken a monumental effort every time. But my social skills I feel just aren't up to scratch. Unfortunately there is no way out there to be able to improve them apart from just getting out there and winging it.

Social skills are a very complex and incredibly varied set of skills but we are just told that you just pick them up as you go along. That doesn't seem very agreeable to me as I just feel like I'm stuck and not going anywhere. There are some self-help books out there but they are pretty basic and unhelpful. It would be great if there was some sort of formal training out there or help groups to help improve these fundamental and incredibly important skills but as far as I know there just isn't. Which is one reason why I think people hold the opinion that they just come 'naturally' and just accept it as fact.

I can understand your point. I'm willing to get over my SA myself but don't know where to start with no friends I regularly keep in contact with and not know what to expect from others or what they expect. But i can see, looking at myself, that i would probably learn some norms and what to expect if i was socialising with friends regularly.

But then it seems hard to find something that would help my SA, maybe cause i haven't tried before.

custom_fusion-lqx · #9 24th July 2012, 23:21

This video reminds me of those six pack shortcut videos except for SA...

iTz0kt0Bu · #10 24th July 2012, 23:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom123

I disagree with the whole premiss.

I like myself it's just that my SA stops me from expressing myself. Social skills are hugely important to me. I don't try to copy people, I just want to find an outlet to be able to express myself the way I want to, not the way somebody else does.

It's NOT about remembering tips or ways to be social. It's just finding a way to put things across, it takes practice and work (it can be tiny things like using slightly different words which as less negative/confrontational etc)

I don't think you can claim to have overcome SA if you are trying to copy or find secrets that others use.

True, can see what you're saying and wouldn't say i have overcame SA but Nick Hanlon had some tips which seem true in my experience.

Johnni · #11 24th July 2012, 23:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by custom_fusion-lqx

This video reminds me of those six pack shortcut videos except for SA...

iTz0kt0Bu · #12 24th July 2012, 23:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by custom_fusion-lqx

This video reminds me of those six pack shortcut videos except for SA...

I haven't payed much attention to his vids but began with this one today. I want to see if they are helpful in any way cause i think some of his vids might be. But then i admit i think he can update us more on youtube, although he says he is busy i can't see how more regular quick updates would waste much time.

diplodocus · #13 24th July 2012, 23:48

The other thing I have an issue with (sorry I'm off on one!) is that he says that arrogant people can display poor social skills but get by anyway. Well to me they don't have poor social skills even if they do talk over others, listen badly, are self-obsessed e.t.c. if they are succeeding in life, getting promotions, having relationships, networking effectively e.t.c. If they have no friends, can't get a promotion and all their colleagues hate them, then yes I'd agree they probably have poor social skills but these people aren't in that situation.

The video maker seems to be getting confused with being nice as equating to having good social skills. You can be nice and have good social skills but there is more to having good social skills than being nice. Just because someone is an asshole doesn't mean they have poor social skills.