Any had any luck making friends online?

[dave81uk]

Where do you even start? I've tried facebook / reddit but it's the same old same old loudmouths to the front of the queue while the rest of us get nowhere. Yes there are SA based chats etc but that would result in a dick measuring contest as to who's SA is the worst.

[dave81uk]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^ bit judgemental

Meaning those who suffer SA would understand yes but I wouldn't want it being the number 1 topic of conversation which it probably would be.

[Dougella]

^ Luckily discussions of who's SA is worst is against the rules here. Have you looked at the penpals or meetups section? (obviously meetings haven't been possible for a while, but they may start up again when the covid rules change)

[biscuits]

Facebook and Reddit are quite large platforms, so it is harder to make friends on them. I've made friends with people and then added them to Facebook, but never made friends with someone through Facebook.

What sort of thing are you after? Email/private message correspondence or more of an instant messenging sort of thing? Are you looking for a group to chat with, or more of a one-to-one thang?

[Aelwyn]

I've been in touch with another SAUK member for several years. We met through a few private messages here, but found we had a lot in common. We talk about all kinds of stuff, and we absolutely don't try to outdo each other in the SA stakes! It's an online friendship only, but I value it a lot.

[limey123]

Most of my friends I've met online (e.g. through penpal or language exchange sites – many live abroad and we have not (yet) met) and I generally find it easy to meet new people in this way. My best friend, whom I've known since 1997, I met face-to-face, though, in a bookshop

[Toxic]

I made some good friends during the online gaming addiction period. Met up with a couple of them..stayed in touch with 1-2 but pretty much only online the last few years.

I made a couple of good friends online elsewhere (forums)..still in touch with 1 of them who is a very good friend/met up regularly (or..well, did)

I wouldn't say I've ever gone looking for friends online, but its happened anyway. This was all years ago mind you, I don't really think I can do it anymore, I end up going quiet and pushing people away. Although I would like some more friends..I couldn't go on a site with the intent of purely making friends, it feels a bit too close to dating sites! (only it doesn't matter as much if I look like Golum!)

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by dave81uk

Where do you even start? I've tried facebook / reddit but it's the same old same old loudmouths to the front of the queue while the rest of us get nowhere. Yes there are SA based chats etc but that would result in a dick measuring contest as to who's SA is the worst.

This happens in a lot of places for those with SA, it seems to go hand in hand with the disorder for a lot of people. I remember reading a thread someone made on Reddit about SA but because they mentioned they had a wife, half the responses were angry people claiming the original poster couldn't have SA because he was married and insulting him for it. I've heard it happens in groups for things like physical disabilities too, where some people can't help but put everyone in a hierarchy and then think those "above" them should be quiet since they have it worse. It's strange.

Anything that involves talking to others can lead to friendships, but I think doing something purely with the intention of making friends will likely lead to disappointment. Just talking to people, whether that's online or in person, might lead to friendship eventually, but if it's your only aim then you might be put off from trying again when it doesn't quite work out the way you'd hoped. I've found this with going to craft groups or WI or whatever. It's never worked out, whereas joining forums or Discord groups to talk about something people have in common has led to making closer connections with others.

[Green Swan]

Originally Posted by dave81uk

Where do you even start? I've tried facebook / reddit but it's the same old same old loudmouths to the front of the queue while the rest of us get nowhere. Yes there are SA based chats etc but that would result in a dick measuring contest as to who's SA is the worst.

I've been to many meetups organised by groups like those and you always have to approach them with the mindset that the people there are going to be a little self-centred and not that great at bonding, or you simply don't have enough in common with them. I've had more luck in groups based around things which I have lots to talk about.

I remember reading a thread someone made on Reddit about SA but because they mentioned they had a wife, half the responses were angry people claiming the original poster couldn't have SA because he was married and insulting him for it.

I've seen this kind of gatekeeping happen so many times, both IRL and online, and it's sad that they seem to be more interested in discrediting someone than in listening to their story or bond with them.

[Bored]

yes , which websites/ apps would people recommend to try to make friends?

the Internet was supposed to make it easier for people to connect with each other, but loneliness seems to be going up not down

who is this Dick, I'm sure he gets fed up of being measured, why does it matter how tall he is

[indignant misanthrope]

none.

I have given up on that idea years ago now.

[Mr. Nobody]

Making friends online is relatively easy I think, as long as you can keep up with the typing ,
It's when you meet in real life that you realize that things can go two ways,
You either become friends, or you part company.
Reality has a way of taking things down to brass tacks.

[Candleholder]

Met a few nice people, but given the amount of time I spend online I couldn't really say I've been lucky. Nearly everything I've written over the last 20 years has been ignored and of the small number of people who are aware of my existence the number who are anywhere close to being anything I would dare to presume a friend is very small indeed. I don't really help myself though. I could have probably made a few more friends if I wasn't such a coward. The internet seems ideal for someone like me, but I think I'm actually worse online than I am in real life.

[Consolida]

Unless I've met someone in real life or, at the very least, spoken to them on the phone then I kind of struggle to think of them as a proper friend, if that makes sense. Perhaps a friendly online acquaintance would be a more accurate description and of course for lonely folk who suffer with SA and other mental health issues they can be an absolute godsend.

Making online friendly acquaintances is really quite easy but it can be a lot harder to keep things going especially when depression gets in the way and you have periods where you struggle to type out lengthy messages. Maintaining contact takes a heck of a lot of motivation and effort and it's sadly meant that I've lost contact with a fair amount of nice people over the years. I only have myself to blame for this.

Online friendships can be invaluable but personally I don't think they can ever quite compare to real life friendships - something that has always been rather lacking in my life.

However, I would say that making online friendships and keeping up contact can definitely be worth it. I actually made a friend on SAUK many years ago and we met up and became good real life friends. We even went to each other's weddings and are still in regular contact to this day.