The Rubber Chicken Barn

[Chess&Junkfood]

Hi Everyone!

I hope that you are all doing ok!

As for this thread, I need to get back to you on that one

But for now, I've got you all some nibbles:



Anyway, all the best


Dougie?

TD,P?

Could you please meet me in the boardroom?

Oh and before I go

I want all of the members to know that this is not a clique between Me, Dougie and TD,P. After all, I'm a big believer in inclusivity

Anyway, enjoy your nibbles everyone!

Dougie! Great to see you as always!

TD, P! To say that I've been aching for you is putting it mildly! It's also great to see you again!

Ok guys, let's get down to business

Ideally I want to start a thread that is mostly audio. Similar to the other one I did a bit ago, but this one will be different

How different you ask?

Good question!

And the moment I know myself, I will be sure to let you both know!

But first, I need a bit of help. Training wise, that is

I was going to get us all some leotards, but I thought that might be a bit much


Ok, let's do this!!!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the other side


Knock, knock

Who's there?

Chess

Chess who?

Chess&Junkfood of course!


Great training session guys!

Anyway, I best get going. After all, I need to be up at 7am

Also, between ourselves, I don't really want to do an audio thread again. I just liked the idea of putting our names on headbands.

And of course, it's great seeing you both again!

[Dougella]

You are one of the most imaginative posters ever Mr Chess&Junkfood

Thankyou for the nibbles and I'm honoured to be given a sash by you! (Also to be part of a clique that isn't a clique.)

[Stepford]

Originally Posted by Dougella

You are one of the most imaginative posters ever Mr Chess&Junkfood

I think you could be right there. I don't know how to react. I'm like a NPC stuck in a loop.

[genovese]

[Merritt]

I don't understand what's going on, but I'm definitely here for the nibbles Where might one find the boiled owls' hearts? I assume there's jelly?

[Chess&Junkfood]

TD, P is here!!!!!!!

How great is that!

Please give me a second, TD, P. I just need to set up a few things for us:

Although before we continue:


Genovese?

I'm so happy right now!!!!!!!

I've been waiting nearly 4 years for this day to arrive!!!!!

And now he's finally come to me!!!!!

What can I tell ya! I'm going off like a sprinkler right now!!!!!

Although I don't want to jinx it! After all, you can't rush these things!

Anyway, I better get back!


TD, P?

I'm sorry about that. Now I'm going to be honest with you. I did have more things planned for us tonight. But what with feeling somewhat depleted right now

Anyway, I certainly appreciate you stopping by!

Oh and as for this thread. Between me and you, I kind of built it for Appear to appear. But it turns out that Appear needs to appear somewhere else first. Which is understandable

I did try recording a stand up set myself for this thread, but it turns out that it's difficult to do! Who knew? Although I was sitting down at the time, so that might have something to do with it

However, if you are interested in doing a recording for this thread, then I'm right behind you!!!! Rubber chicken and all!

And who knows where it all could lead! This time next year, you could be dripping in cat juice!!!!

Anyway,

On that note, I need to get going

And thanks again for stopping by. I appreciate it!

I've also got you a gift. After all, it's the least I could do




Merritt?

I'm sorry I'm not sure what nibbles are left. But hopefully Genovese can help you find something to nibble on

[Chess&Junkfood]

Hi everyone

I hope that you are all doing great!

I just wanted to give you a quick update on the thread

My goal was to record a 5 minute stand up set for the thread. Or something that resembles a stand up set. But I'm finding it difficult to cluck right now. Even shaking my feathers is a challenge. I will keep trying, but it might take a while. A long while that is

That being said

This thread is of course open to anyone else who would like to cluck away. Although shaking your feathers is of course optional


Limey?


I need a bit of help

Now I know it's a lot to ask, but I need a show business agent. And you are the perfect member for this role

I've also got you a business card. I'm sorry it isn't more elaborate, but what with it being late and all




As for your duties. We will of course iron out those details at a later date. Especially once I've got my stand up routine up and running

But for now. Sit back and relax.

Although a bit of dancing is of course part of your job description

But first, let me tell you what stand up routine I've come up with so far

Now I'm thinking that the routine will be about anxiety

Anyway

That's all I've got so far!

Now granted, it isn't that much. But at least it's a start

I only wish I could have gotten into show business years ago Limey! You should have heard me cluck back then! And my feathers. Don't get me started!

Anyway, I think we have time for that dance. I'm also sorry that I don't have any dance costumes for us. But what with it being late and all

We can also take turns in leading as well:

*Glides across the forum with Limey*

*Limey dips me in a swooning way*

* I waltz across the forum with Limey*

* I dip Limey in a swooning way*


That was great, Limey! I certainly appreciate it. I've also got you a coffee mug:



Anyway, I need those zzzz!

[Clumsy*]

It's so good to see you again Chess!

I'm actually having coffee with a triple chocolate cookie from Asda for breakfast and that's making me think of you

[Percy]

I like your posts ChessandJunkfood

[Chess&Junkfood]

Thank you so much, Clumsy and Percy! I appreciate it!

I've got you some coffee mugs:





As well as some badges:





I was also going to get you some monogramed bath towels, but what with it being late and all

Although I do have time to dedicate a song:

To the Amazing! The Magnificent! Clumsy and Percy!!!!

Thanks again guys!


Genovese?


It's finally happened!

Adulation has come my way!

It was to be expected of course! I seem to ooze charisma!

It's only a matter of time before this adulation turns into an avalanche of adulation

Although I want you to know that there is still plenty of Chess to go around!

Which reminds me. I've got you some vegetarian schnitzels

[Mike.Kzov]

The website should have a section where you can sell all this merch

[Chess&Junkfood]

That sounds like a great idea, Mike!

I'm thinking that I could even expand to doing personalised messages. Such as saying Happy Birthday from Chess!

But then there is the holy grail of personalisation!

Onlyfans!

Where I start off wearing a chicken costume. Remove one feather at a time. And maybe doing a cock-a-doodle-doo at the end of it all?

Either that, or I just stick to my coffee mug merch

Talking of which

[Chess&Junkfood]

Hi everyone! I hope you're all doing ok!

I just thought I'd do a bit of maintenance on the thread:



Apparently it costs $12 to attend. Who knew! But I don't think we should pay








I also thought I would jot down a few basic ideas. Maybe expand on them later:


Phoning a bank

Where you are put on hold for what seems like an eternity

Having to listen to banking music

While you are constantly rehearsing in your mind what you need to say to a customer service advisor

And by the time you get to speak to someone, you either become incoherent, or verbalise something else?

I don't know. It's not doing it for me so far

Inspired by a cat

At first I thought it was a dog that was going past my window. Wearing a bright red collar. Then I started to wonder why I couldn't see the dog walker. Only to realise that it was a cat! And cats don't usually need cat walkers

So maybe expand on how dogs get jealous of cats walking themselves

Anyway, that's all I've got so far. It's a start. The long journey and the first step. Or something like that. Although that first step felt like a long step. What can I tell ya. I'm already tuckered out!

And of course, like I always say, this thread is open to everyone

[Chess&Junkfood]

Hi everyone!

Hope that you are all well!

I just wanted to let you know that I have been trying to make some progress with this thread

Although I still need to iron out a few details

Biscuit?
Dougie?
Genovese?
Jam?
TD,P?

Can you meet me in the boardroom please

Hi guys!

Thanks for dropping by! It's also good to see you again!

I want to start off by saying that I think of you as the cream of the crop! Biscuit and Jam are the top tiers of the Rubber Chicken family. And Dougie and TD,P are the top of the Brainiac Family. Not forgetting Geno of course! Who is the best muscle in town! And when you have this level of cream, it inspires you to lather up

Which brings me to this thread.

It's not just the jokes that are important. There is the performance aspect of it all to take into consideration. However, I still think this thread has a lot of potential. For example

Although before I continue. Can TD,P meet me in the next room please

I won't be long guys!

Finally some alone time!!!

I hope you don't mind TD,P, but I have my heart set on the Captain uniform

But I promise I will wear the seaman uniform the next time

*Glides across the room with TD,P*


Let's shimmy, TD,P!


*Glides across the room with, TD,P*


LET IT FLOW!

IT FLOATS BACK TO YOU!

THE LOVE BOAT!!!!!!!!!!

So like I was saying guys. This thread has a lot of potential. For example

Although before I continue again. Can Genovese meet me in the next room please

I'm going to level with you Genovese. I've made no progress with this thread. I haven't even drafted up a blueprint yet!

I just wanted to have a dance!

I also need to take another break

Oh and before I go

About that trimming thing. That's fine. I know that you like your gardening

Anyway

It's that time

I would now like to dedicate this song to the fantastic! The amazing! Genovese!!!

Oh and I nearly forgot. Here's your coffee mug

[Mr. Nobody]

Thank god there's no cliques on this site, lol

[anxiouslondoner]

^ I think Chess&Junkfood was a clique unto themselves...

[Dougella]

^^ You can request membership but you must pay the fee of dancing with a rubber chicken

[Chess&Junkfood]

Anxious Londoner?
Mr Nobody?

Guys!!!!

I want to smooth over this crack right away!!!

Can you both please meet me in the boardroom

I will be right there. I just want to have a quick chat with Dougie

Dougie?

I think that post went great!

I was especially happy with how the dancing went!

Although to be truthful, I did end up editing my post a bit

For example, I ended up taking out my clique disclaimer. Mainly for streamlining purposes

And that wasn't the only thing that I took out

This coffee mug for example



But that's streamlining for you

Anyway, I need to smooth over that crack. And then I can get back to taking my scheduled break

All the best, Dougie!

Thanks for dropping by guys!

I want to start off by saying that I have always respected your Rubber Chickens!

And as such, it pains me to admit this

But there is indeed a clique going on

I just feel terrible about all of this!

Which is why I want to make it up to both of you!

Now I can't promise you this, but there might be an opening for both of you in the clique!

And as you probably know my style by now, I'm sure you know where this is heading!

I've got a big appetite!

Although don't get me wrong, TD,P does help with the hunger!!!

But there is certainly room for a starter and a dessert!

Maybe even the main course! Depending on how you both get on of course!

Anyway guys, I think this has been a very productive meeting!

We will of course discuss this in more detail. But I just need to take my scheduled break

And thanks again for dropping by!

Genovese?

I think that meeting went very well!

But just in case, keep your guard up!

Anyway, I'm going to take that scheduled break

All the best, Genovese!

[Percy]

Yay Chess&Junkfood's back

[Wham Bam Thank You Jam]

I've been dying for an invite to the rubber chicken barn, ta

[biscuits]

Up your snack game, C&J.

Up.your.snack.game.

[Percy]

^I'll do a naked dance for you

[Wham Bam Thank You Jam]

^^ Biscuit will be there, that's more than enough entertainment for anyone.

Plus I'll be doing a strip show every evening at 8pm to Gangnam Style.

[Chess&Junkfood]

Jam?

The barn door is always open for you! Although the doors probably need widening to accommodate that chicken of yours!

Biscuit?

Great news! I've got everyone some M&S nibbles. Nailed it! Only the best for our Leader!

NeverWas?

We haven't chatted before, but I wanted you to know that I'm a big fan of your posts! That's quite a rubber chicken you have there! Between me and you, I think it's only a matter of time before Merritt will have to vacate his plush number 3 slot. Although if I'm going to be honest with you, Merritt is like the foundations of this forum! He knows how to cluck is what I'm trying to say! That being said, you know

Percy?

I appreciate it! I also want you to have a good seat. So make sure you get to the front of the barn

Anxious Londoner?
Mr Nobody?

Guys, I've given this some serious thought! And even though I am feeling peckish, I just don't think now is the right time

Or another way of putting it

It's not you, it's me! But I want both of you to know that I think you're great!

Anyway

I need to meet and greet the rest of the forum

Hi everyone!

I hope that you are all doing fantastic!


I will keep this fairly brief. Mainly as I'm still on my scheduled break. But I wanted to give a better update on this thread

To be honest, I'm finding it more difficult than I thought I would

Although I have come up with another basic idea to expand on:

I'm reading about the side effects for my anxiety medication.

It might cause stomach upsets. Blurred vision. Possibly combustion. But it also helps with your shaking. At which point, it seems like it's worth the risk

But then you read further down and it mentions that you might have problems popping your cork. But it does help with the shaking. At which point, you realise that the shaking isn't that bad after all. Maybe even useful


I don't know. It's dripping with innuendo. But I might be able to link it to something else. Work in progress. Its going to take forever. Or maybe never.

And of course this thread is always open to everyone on this forum. No one gets left behind is what I'm trying to say!

Or another way of putting it

Nobody puts Genovese in the corner!

Anyway

I need to get back to my scheduled break

Enjoy the nibbles everyone:




TD,P?

Have you got time for a quick meeting? 5 minutes tops!

Finally!

I hope you don't mind, but I've got my heart set on wearing the suit

But I promise I will wear the toga outfit the next time

.

*Floats across the room with TD,P*

*TD,P dips me in a meaningful way*

*Floats across the room with TD,P*


I really appreciate it, TD,P!

And always remember, you're the greatest!

All the best, TD,P!

[Chess&Junkfood]

Absolutely, Neverwas! After all, this is a wholesome thread. Well, more or less

Genovese?

I was strolling through the celebrity crush thread and I came across your post!

God damn!

You are like a temptress to me!

As you know, I have been in a commited relationship for some time now

Although don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been plain galloping

But it's still a stable relationship!

That being said. I am willing to have you as my bit of fluff!

God damn, Genovese! We are going to have some fun!

Oh and as for your friendship with Spud. I don't mind you sending him a few Seinfeld quotes

But I certainly draw the line when it involves you doing some laundry with him!

Anyway

I've got a bit of thread business to take care of. I won't be long. Just wait for me in the next room please

Hi everyone!

I hope you are all doing ok!

To give you a quick update on this thread. Unfortunately I'm still finding it difficult to deliver! What is funny? I don't know? Knock, knock? Who knows?

I have come up with another basic idea. Which is what can make my anxiety worse:

Being in a pub and talking to someone who is very enthusiastic about booze, birds and footie

For example:

Kevin Keegan was the greatest footballer of all time!

Watch me chug this lager!

Look at the Bristols on that!!!

and in my anxiety state of mind, this person has turned into an alien from a Sigourney Weaver film

( Make alien sounds)

Then I end it with something like?

Please don't eat me!

I don't know. It's sketchy. I'm not married to the footie, boozer and bristols part of it all. But I do like the part where I can make the alien sounds to convey my anxiety

Anyway, great seeing you all again!

There you are!!!!

God damn, Genovese! I love ya!!!!

*Slow dances with Geno*

*Twirls Geno around the room*

*Slow dances with Geno*

I am tuckered out!


And between me and you Genovese

If I put this much effort in being in a relationship, I could be happily married by now!

Anyway

I need to get back to that scheduled break of mine

All the best, Genovese!

[Chess&Junkfood]

Hi Everyone!

I hope that you're all doing great!

I would give you an update, but what with the lateness of the hour

I need to remind myself not to drink a Pepsi before bed. I also need to be up at 7am!

Anyway, all the best everyone!

Genovese?

I'm sorry to wake you! I've got a bit of Rubber Chicken business that I need help with

It won't take long

*Glides across the room with Geno*

*Dips Geno in a meaningful way*

*Glides across the room with Geno*

Wowsers!!!!!!!! I am spent!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Genovese!

Anyway, I need that sleep!

[Chess&Junkfood]

Hi everyone!

I hope you're all doing fantastic!

I just wanted to give another quick update

Unfortunately I'm still finding this thread a challenge

I have tried recording a few ideas, but nothing has been making my feathers ruffle lately

But I just think that once I'm able to come up with a good bit, then that might help with the performance part of it all

Anyway, another amazing update everyone! All the best!

Genovese?
TD,P?

Can we have a quick meeting in the next room please?

TD,P?

I'm sorry. Do you mind waiting for me in the next room please? I just need to have a quick chat with Genovese. It won't take long

Genovese?

I'm afraid it's that time. I think we both knew that this wouldn't last forever

But please remember that you will always have a special place in my heart

And I'm sure that Spud will be more than willing to take you back

Oh and I've also got you a gift



I would now like to dedicate a song:

To the fluffiest of my bit of fluff! The one! The only! Genovese!!!

All the best!

TD,P?

It's done!

Just the two of us again!

And I want you to know that I was faking it with him the whole time!

I've also got you a gift. Although I'm sorry about the wording. It's just a shame to waste an old gift



I would now like to dedicate a song:

May we continue to gallop into life's majestic sunset! To The One! The Only! TD, P!!!

Oh and before I go. I want you to know that the anxiety medication I'm taking is very effective!

All the best!

[Appear]

This thread is more enjoyable than Netflix. And I'm not just saying it for a personalised mantle clock.

[Chess&Junkfood]

Appear?

How fantastic to see you!

It's not every day that I'm in the presence of such greatness!

You are the whole package is what I'm trying to say!

I only wish I could put a horse saddle on you right now!

Anyway

Let's go into the next room Appear, where we can discuss this in more detail

Although I just need to take care of something first. I will join you soon

Biscuit?
Dougie?
Genovese?
Jam?
TD,P?

Hi guys!

Our troubles are finally over!

Appear has finally appeared! Which can mean only one thing!

He's ready to whip out his rubber chicken on our behalf! God bless him!

Between ourselves, I was concerned that I might have to start this thread. And who needs that pressure!

Although I probably need to do a bit of smoozing first. To finalise the deal as it were

I might even offer him the deluxe package. Which includes a personalised coffee mug. A dedication love song. A dance around the barn. And not forgetting, a set of monogramed bath towels!

Wish me luck guys!

Oh and if anyone asks, this is indeed a clique going on right now. I can't stress that enough! The draw bridge has been well and truly raised. The piranhas are circling our moat is what I'm trying to say. There's no more room at the inn is what I'm also trying to say!

Anyway, here I go!

Oh!

Genovese?

If there is any blowback of any kind, then please remember to initiate Operation Human Shield!

Appear?

I'm sorry to keep you waiting

Let's get straight down to business

I would like you to perform a 5 minute stand up routine for the forum please

And in return

I can facilitate a business meeting between you and Jam

Where the meeting will involve Jam dressed only in a loincloth. And dripping with lubricant of course!

I guarantee that you will be fully dehydrated by the end of it all!

Although if you need help with the hydration part, then Jam can certainly facilitate this for you!

Anyway, I think this has been a very productive meeting!

and of course I completely understand if you decline my offer.

Although just to wet your appetite even further. I would be willing to include Genovese into the deal. He may not be the star attraction, but there's a reason why I call him the fluffer!

All the best, Appear!

Biscuit?
Dougie?
Genovese?
Jam?
TD,P?

Guys? Let's go into the next room

Cancel your netflix subscriptions!

It went like a dream!

I really put myself out!

Although what I think might have clinched the deal was when I gave Appear the monogramed bath towels

Anyway

I can't stop, as I need to be up in about 3hrs. But that's Pepsi for you!

All the best!

[Appear]

Originally Posted by Chess&Junkfood

I only wish I could put a horse saddle on you right now!

This is the best compliment I've ever received.

Unfortunately the specifics of the business meeting will have to be discussed as legally I can't be within 100m of Jam. But I do like to stay hydrated, so thank you for having my health in mind.