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  #31  
Old 13th May 2021, 11:56
Spideysenses Spideysenses is offline
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Default Re: No stigma, no scapegoating, only working like a dog

He did not say it was his house alone. He would act like it when he was in a wretched mood after work or after drinking. He admitted that we needed both our wages. He had evidently decided that he wanted me to stay in the rutt where he could call the shots. That no one would believe me over him.
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  #32  
Old 13th May 2021, 12:09
Spideysenses Spideysenses is offline
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Default Re: No stigma, no scapegoating, only working like a dog

It was not a question of what I wanted. It was a question of what I needed and what I deserved. I had been in hospital for 28 days. Should I have to carry a millstone around my neck until I die?
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  #33  
Old Yesterday, 06:52
Spideysenses Spideysenses is offline
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Default Working like a dog

Sorry is not good enough. Sorry will never cut it. Apologies and words have helped me thus far. Now it is time for action. I will press charges. My life was left in ruins by callous hearts and outter forces. I should never have needed another stay. The very first stay may have been preventable if my life hadn't been what it was. I was not lucky. Lucky that I was saved from the brink of being made homeless? How is that lucky? All I had to do was confirm what they already knew. Even without news of wildfire they still would have known that there were sinister forces at work and that I was not to blame. My honesty is not weakness.
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  #34  
Old Today, 09:32
Spideysenses Spideysenses is offline
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Default Working like a dog

I was crushed enough. Even though I had chosen to write, if it were not for ward thirteen, him adding insult to injury and my unsupportive family, I should have been able to gain better employment. He reeled me in when I was at a low point in my life and I became trapped. But art therapy was not going to show me that just because the people in my past had been unkind and cruel, the future need not be that way. As interesting as Jungs archetypes may be, it was not going to get me out of the rutt or make a dent on the stigma I had endured. I was used to having to work for everything. I was used to tempers flaring. I was used to criticism. I was used to people being too quick to judge. I fought back when anyone tried to bully me. A person who loved me would not be content to have me as a shadow of my former self. But yes I had doubts that no one would have me after that place even if it was only 28 days. A person may see me for who I was but could they put up with the stigma from others? Could I put someone else through that? Would someone else stick up for me? Too many questions. Too much doubt. He made me feel ashamed of my past. And all he did was talk about the past. I needed a future. I didn't need to know what was going to happen in the future. I just needed someone to assure me, I had one. Come rain or shine they would wholeheartedly stand in my corner because I would do the same for them. Not enforce that them and others saw me as nothing but damaged goods.
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  #35  
Old Today, 09:47
Spideysenses Spideysenses is offline
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Default You cannot live life by fleeing from it

He was more needy than I was. I had nothing left to give. I was depleted. I was supposed to be out there making a life for myself. Feeling like I could take on the world and making new friends since I had grown apart from my school crowd. I could have saved a deposit and moved in with a flatmate. Except reality had bitten me with a vengeance. But I knew my purpose now. I knew where home was. I could try and change the stigma where I was. You cannot live life by fleeing from it.
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