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#1
14th September 2021, 20:43
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My disinterest in people makes me difficult to talk to...at first
I'm sure you've all heard this one before.
I'm quiet until I get to know you. I'm still quiet when I get to know you lol I find people... exhausting. Yes, some of it comes from being an introvert, but also a lot from just being tired of people. Call me cynical but I spent the last five years prior to this one being abused on a daily basis for existing as a trans person. I was called so many horrible things and had people actively attempting to dox me in order to ruin my life and "feck you up" It happened in 90% of my experiences online and around 20% negative in person (because people are a little afraid to be abusive to someone's face) I just grew tired of people. I take my solace in games and YouTube. So when people do want to talk to me now I am seen as a woman (they don't know I'm trans in this case) I always feel there's an agenda or if there isn't, I just have nothing to say. I'm 37, I don't have kids or a family, I don't have friends, I don't have much free time because of my job and my free time is spent on YouTube. It's not that I'm against small talk, after a cider or two and I'm in the zone, I'll chat all day about nonsense happily and not feel embarrassed by it. But otherwise I just feel I don't care about others. I don't care about their interests or hopes or dreams. I guess I've gotten very selfish as my self confidence has grown, I just can't be bothered with people. Honestly my ideal world would be in a job where I'm working around people who can come to me for advice (as perhaps paradoxically I love to teach) and just be left to do my job. Then I can watch YouTube after work and on my days off, a game or two. I don't really know if there's a point to this post, it's just another of my rambling thoughts in my head things haha 
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#2
15th September 2021, 22:03
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Re: My disinterest in people makes me difficult to talk to...at first
That's truly awful to hear that people have bullied and abused you on a daily basis because you had the courage to be who you want to be. I'm not surprised that you now feel tired and cynical.
Although I haven't suffered in the way that you have, I also find that I'm becoming less and less interested in people. I used to think that if I could magic my social anxiety away I would suddenly be transformed into a social butterfly but I've come to the realisation that I'm the type of person who can only tolerate people in small doses. If I totally click with someone (and that's pretty rare) then I'll happily chat away forever but if we are on a very different wavelength then prolonged social interaction can become exhausting and unfulfilling. I don't think not being interested in some people makes you at all selfish. Your time and the effort you put into a social relationship is precious so why spend it on people who don't particularly interest you. That wouldn't be fair on you or them. It's great to hear that despite having faced so much adversity in the past you have come through it all as a strong and more confident woman  I'm not sure if I've made an awful lot of sense here but I wanted to respond to your post 
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#3
15th September 2021, 23:57
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Re: My disinterest in people makes me difficult to talk to...at first
Quote:
 You made a lot of sense
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