Insecure about looks

[here4help]

The main cause of my social anxiety is my looks. I may have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. When I'm out at nightclubs girls seem interested in my friends but I get ignored. It does hit my confidence a bit.

Here is recent photo of me.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/130726...7/17111107042/

[greenman]

I think your lack of confidence and SA is your problem not your looks. Not sure of your age but that can also affect how you feel about yourself, in relation to others. Its natural to compare yourself to others, however if this becomes obbsessive or out of control its worth getting further advice

[here4help]

The reason why I posted yesterday is because I was out the night before. Me and my friends had reserved seating. One of my friends got chatting to the girl sitting at the table next to us. I heard her asking what my friend's name was who was sitting beside me but she didn't ask about me. Also when I joined my friends on the dancefloor the girls dancing seemed to move away. Maybe it's just paranoia.

[ladylou]

I know exactly how you feel, if I see anyone looking at me then smiling to themselves I do think it's cause i'm ugly I've had people commenting on my looks in a bad way before also in a good way sometimes so I try and think of the nice comments but It's difficult sometimes when I look in the mirror and I don't feel happy.

[Z.]

If you're anxious in social situations, you tend to withdraw into yourself, without visibly expressing that you're interested in other people, even though you may be. So to other people it looks like you're not interested, which is why they may not approach you.

If you think you have BDD, you should seek help for it. That'll give you the confidence you need to start being comfortable in your own skin.

[MissyP.]

If you dont appear confident then that could be one of the reasons the girls dont seem interested in you, its probably not about your looks. In night clubs they want to be around confident people, people pick up on everyone elses signals and just want to have fun.

[diplodocus]

I doubt it's your looks, I remember going on a night out and there was this Romanian guy with us. Tall, dark, handsome, broad shouldered, chiselled rugged features, well dressed, basically looked like a male model. He was on the pull but he just didn't get anywhere despite that he spoke really good english and was well educated. He just didn't have the confidence and the girls weren't attracted. Certainly made me feel better about my own failings.

[scarlettgirl]

I can't see your photo for some reason but i'll agree with the majority in tht its really not about how you appear its just the old cliche of carrying yourself and confidence, which is obviously a problem when you're already socially anxious and have BDD too. I also suffer a lot with BDD and it hasn't helped lately with people at work offering negative comments about my looks. I would say though that if you present yourself as confident that is automatically an attractive feature no matter what. I can say very frankly that i've been head over heels for a guy who was kind of average looking with an amazing and hilarious personality, whereas a good looking bloke never attracted me cos there was nothing else to him (that he let me get to know anyway). Personality will win over every time, so please try not to worry about your looks!

[here4help]

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

I can't see your photo for some reason but i'll agree with the majority in tht its really not about how you appear its just the old cliche of carrying yourself and confidence, which is obviously a problem when you're already socially anxious and have BDD too. I also suffer a lot with BDD and it hasn't helped lately with people at work offering negative comments about my looks. I would say though that if you present yourself as confident that is automatically an attractive feature no matter what. I can say very frankly that i've been head over heels for a guy who was kind of average looking with an amazing and hilarious personality, whereas a good looking bloke never attracted me cos there was nothing else to him (that he let me get to know anyway). Personality will win over every time, so please try not to worry about your looks!

I like your message, but unfortunately not all girls go for personality. Some go for looks, others go for money and a small percentage go for personality.

[anxiouslondoner]

Originally Posted by here4help

I like your message, but unfortunately not all girls go for personality. Some go for looks, others go for money and a small percentage go for personality.

If they are shallow enough to just go for looks or money, they probably aren't worth your time anyway.

[here4help]

I deleted the photo from last Saturday. Here it is again - https://www.flickr.com/photos/71636255@N06/
My main cause of BDD over the past few years is that I think I look younger than my actual age (I'm 25). It bothers me that I look young. It means I get treated like a uni student by people rather than a grown man. Also, I'm interested in women the same age as me.

[Concept]

You look very nice, and yes, I can relate. BDD owns me at the moment.

[scarlettgirl]

Originally Posted by here4help

I like your message, but unfortunately not all girls go for personality. Some go for looks, others go for money and a small percentage go for personality.

Not to be too blunt but do you really want to go for the girls who only want to be with you for you looks? and my point still stands; whether a girl is shallow or not, the featue of confidence is attractive to anyone. Anyone looking to be with somone on looks alone is going to be looking for some substance sooner or later...i'd hope.
Anyway you look really nice and approachable in your photo, I see no issue at all! (though its a little pointless telling that to someone with BDD i know hah). Good luclk to you gaining some confidence in any case, no reason why you shouldn't