I don’t think I’ll ever be happy

[Danni]

I will never be happy, or even just okay-ish

I have tried so hard to just be okay in life. But if it isn’t my anxiety stopping me from doing the things I want to do it’s the voice in the back of my head saying I’m not good enough. It’s not like I’ve never felt happy or carefree but it’s always so fleeting, someone might tell a joke and in the moment I’m laughing, enjoying myself but then the voice in the back of my head tells me I look ugly doing that or it wasn’t that funny you’ll come across as weird or how I’ve always had ugly teeth or whatever….

My fear of abandonment gets in the way, I lash out, push people away or just avoid them, I try to stop doing that and the voice reminds me of how shit I’ve been in the past or tells me no one could really like me.

I’ll try to push myself end up doing too much or I’m not doing enough. I don’t even know who I am as a person. I’ve never thought I was good enough but now I think about how I’ve been in the past I used to be a book worm and love theatre, I still do but I find it hard to do anything or have hobbies.

I don’t speak up enough or I speak up too much. I hate myself but sometimes I think I’m the best thing ever. I’m super disciplined or I’m a total slob.

I’m so unhappy all I want is stability but I also want spontaneity. How can I ever be happy when what I really wanted an hour ago is the very thing I’ll detest in 20 mins time.

2 days ago I was considering quitting my job and today I considered it the best thing ever…. Does anyone else feel this way?

I don’t think I expressed this in the best way if I’m honest.

[Mr. Nobody]

My feeling is that it's the fundamental nature of thought, or mind to always be 50/50
The very nature of the mind is to be dualistic, to be divided,
Because we are identified with thinking, we are divided as a result,

We are constantly riding this undulating wave of yes / no, certain / uncertain, etc.

The mind itself is always divided as no matter how logically you can argue one point,
There will always be the underlying possibility of the opposing point being valid,
If your mind chooses one thing, the niggling doubt of the other alternative will surely be waiting in the wings,

Looking for or expecting certainty with the mind is a bit like trying to step twice in the same piece of water in a stream,
The minute you move to retrace your step, the water has changed again,

Because the nature of the mind is division, so we are divided,
We derive our identity from thought, so we can never have certainty or unity, as thought is always in flux.

Choice is seen as liberty, but it really implies confusion,
If someone is completely clear and free from confusion there is no choice.
Choice itself indicates duality and confuion essentially.

All you can do is observe this duality, this flux, without trying to avoid it or change it,
Just impartial attentiveness of your thinking process will shine a light on this.
When we aren't aware, we are caught in this dualistic process,
When we are attentive to thinking, just observing impartially, then the fog begins to clear.

Even scientists now are saying that at the atomic level,
things change their behaviour depending on whether they are being observed, or not.

[Dougella]

Have you seen a therapist at all to talk through some of these thoughts and issues? It sounds like exploring them with a professional could be useful.

Happiness is fleeting and not a constant state of being, but feeling ok-ish most of the time is a reasonable expectation. If feelings about yourself are getting in the way of that then it may be time to examine that more.

[Sudoku]

I don't know if this is useful to you or not, but I've always tried to view life like a temporary video game. Where everyone has to play a totally random character and just try to do the best they can with whatever stats they rolled.

You can level some of your stats over time, with a bit of grinding, but those who started with that stat on 100% will always have a big head start. So don't compare yourself to those players. Work out what your skill area is and focus on that. The rest of the game is mostly exploration, side quests and finding a decent guild to join.

[genovese]

^ Haha nice

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Sammy_uk

I don't know if this is useful to you or not, but I've always tried to view life like a temporary video game. Where everyone has to play a totally random character and just try to do the best they can with whatever stats they rolled.

You can level some of your stats over time, with a bit of grinding, but those who started with that stat on 100% will always have a big head start. So don't compare yourself to those players. Work out what your skill area is and focus on that. The rest of the game is mostly exploration, side quests and finding a decent guild to join.

A number of years ago i did come across a guy who was developing his own self help system using RPGs and Dungeons and Dragons as a template.

[Sudoku]

Originally Posted by Percy

A number of years ago i did come across a guy who was developing his own self help system using RPGs and Dungeons and Dragons as a template.

There are a lot of people doing that now. I'm a big fan of gamifying everything. Some people complain that it's a really immature approach to life, and maybe they are right. But it's always worked well for me and I've noticed a big influx of apps in recent years that break down otherwise dull activities (such as managing your accounts) into incrementally rewarded mini tasks in the form of a game. And if the end result is that people get more done in a less painful way, then who cares if it's immature?

[biscuits]

^ they're even using VR headsets with virtual social situations to help people with agoraphobia and social anxiety.

It's called VRET (virtual reality exposure therapy)

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Sammy_uk

There are a lot of people doing that now. I'm a big fan of gamifying everything. Some people complain that it's a really immature approach to life, and maybe they are right. But it's always worked well for me and I've noticed a big influx of apps in recent years that break down otherwise dull activities (such as managing your accounts) into incrementally rewarded mini tasks in the form of a game. And if the end result is that people get more done in a less painful way, then who cares if it's immature?

That's always been my philosophy when it comes to self help, what works for you may not work for someone else but if it works for you then great.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ they're even using VR headsets with virtual social situations to help people with agoraphobia and social anxiety.

It's called VRET (virtual reality exposure therapy)

Sounds interesting biccies

[Sudoku]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ they're even using VR headsets with virtual social situations to help people with agoraphobia and social anxiety.

It's called VRET (virtual reality exposure therapy)

Yep, VR is brilliant for many things. I had my sister try one for spider phobia a few years ago that gradually introduced the user to more realistic spiders until they were surrounded by them. It definitely helped. She still doesn't like spiders, but she doesn't run screaming from the room any more and can get a glass to remove it.

It's a really exciting time to be alive in terms of technology. Whenever I feel like giving up on life, I hear about someone developing some new cool gadget and that makes me want to stick around a bit longer!

[Danni]

I like that gamify stuff thanks Sammy_uk ? I think that’s how I’m going to approach my job at the very least good idea, I used to like watching made in Chelsea and would use the as break to have a competition with myself and see how much tidying I could do, things like that

Originally Posted by Sammy_uk

I don't know if this is useful to you or not, but I've always tried to view life like a temporary video game. Where everyone has to play a totally random character and just try to do the best they can with whatever stats they rolled.

You can level some of your stats over time, with a bit of grinding, but those who started with that stat on 100% will always have a big head start. So don't compare yourself to those players. Work out what your skill area is and focus on that. The rest of the game is mostly exploration, side quests and finding a decent guild to join.