How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Bluebear]

^ ^

[anxiouslondoner]

I was on the train home and I'm sure I just saw this guy
https://youtu.be/tZLorfd0U6o?feature=shared
Let's face it, if it looked like him it almost certainly was him.
Of course I didn't say anything but just stared awkwardly for a while, until I got to my stop.

[Appear]

Stressed, depressed, partly undressed.

I started a new job role last week and I have no clue what I'm doing for one project I've been given and there's very little support or guidance I can draw on. I'd usually not stress out too much about something like this but the project itself involves directing an external organisation and convening two stakeholder groups of experts and academics, so there's plenty of scope for personal and organisational embarrassment, loss of money and so on.

It's really affecting my mood and I basically don't want to go in. I've sought support from my line manager but she hasn't worked on a project like this in a while and is always busy, so can't do much. I've managed to book a meeting with someone on a similar project on Friday - hoping that'll give me at least some idea wtf to do. I'm trying hard not to internalise it but it's hard not to feel I'm unable to handle it because of being a silly anxious boy.

[biscuits]

^ hopefully the person you meet with today is able to give you some better guidance on how to go about it all. Perhaps in the meeting you could always ask if you can you share your plan of action or time line for the project with them, or your line manager, before you put anything in place?

This (if your brain will allow me to say) will be one of those things that you’ll smash in the end but I can imagine is frustrating at the moment!

[anewyear]

^^ I can very much relate to that. I've been heavily involved over the last couple of years with project work that is going badly with a large external blue chip company.
The biggest problem I'm having is needing to focus on both high level strategy and low level detail. My main achievement has been roping in everyone else so they can see what a complete sh1tshow it is and take some responsibility lol.

I'd suggest taking a higher level view of the project. Use a braindump if it helps to define the scope and highlight the threads. Then you might be able to see the priorities and roadblocks and also have something tangible you can use to discuss with your manager.

[Appear]

Thank you both! Very good suggestions! It's getting slightly better but still feeling it.

@biscuits - a proper plan with colours and all is definitely what I need to put together. I feel so overwhelmed with all the different things.

@anewyear - that does not sound fun. Hopefully having others involved is helping. That's some good advice - I'll definitely try it.

[Perhaps]

[Blackflies]

Quite miserable but mostly just because my toes feel like they’re slowly detaching from my body due to how bloomin’ freezing it is! Also had migraines again for the last 2 days after having a couple of rare non migraine days. But I’m not out of tea bags so that’s my silver lining I’m clinging too. I also have a fridge full of salad foods which I don’t want to eat when it’s so cold in general. I want comforting chips, pizza, apple pie etc etc. All that warm cozy goodness. I’m also trying to work out how many plants to buy online, what sizes I need. Last time I bought some large garden ready plants they were absolutely tiny.

Originally Posted by anxiouslondoner

I was on the train home and I'm sure I just saw this guy
https://youtu.be/tZLorfd0U6o?feature=shared
Let's face it, if it looked like him it almost certainly was him.
Of course I didn't say anything but just stared awkwardly for a while, until I got to my stop.

“Who milks the milkman?”

What a can of worms to open. Not sure it would be a train conversation unless that’s his thing.


@P. Sorry you are feeling blue. You do post some beautiful thought provoking gifs and videos at times. Her crying image reminds me of Natalie Portman’s tear image in ‘Closer’.

[Perhaps]

^ Hi. xD Thank you so much. You're so kind.

[Amara 94]

Anxious. I was looking to start a job. I have gotten the offer but it requires a DBS check and screening. Most of this seems to be completed but I think I ran into problems because my passport isn't valid since I lost and found it but have reported it as missing.

Now I can't start my job on the proposed date.

[biscuits]

^ that happened to me. I lost my passport, cancelled it and then found it. It was in the drawer that I'd put it in all along but it had fallen down the gap at the back of the drawer!

You don't need your passport. If you haven't got photographic ID you can use:

A birth certificate plus two other documents e.g. a bill with your address, a bank statement, or the p45/p60 from your previous job.

[Mr. Nobody]

Indecently sober, for a Friday evening,

[Amara 94]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ that happened to me. I lost my passport, cancelled it and then found it. It was in the drawer that I'd put it in all along but it had fallen down the gap at the back of the drawer!

You don't need your passport. If you haven't got photographic ID you can use:

A birth certificate plus two other documents e.g. a bill with your address, a bank statement, or the p45/p60 from your previous job.

Yeah I have posted most of the documents needed but it's taking sometime for them to complete the checks, most of it is done, has been done since last Tuesday, but the extra thing they asked for, as my passport isn't valid, is proof of NI number. I sent it to them, I hope it goes through and doesn't take much longer.

[biscuits]

^ aw yeah, hopefully it's not too much of a wait for you . It's usually 2 weeks max.

[biscuits]

Aw man, I woke up early this morning with all the thoughts of all the things I need to do at work today. Then realised it's Saturday

Sleep, beautiful sleep... I neeeed you.

Oh well, I'll get up, make a cup of tea and find a cat to snuggle.

[Tembo]

^ I hope you manage to get a better night sleep tonight!

At least you had the relief of finding out it was Saturday. It’s definitely worse the other way around - I’ve done that a few times and it’s painful.

————

I’m feeling incredibly embarrassed that I had to go to a Children’s Hospital to have a scan. There’s a huge waiting list at the grown-ups hospital for a particular scan, there was only availablity there. It’s anxiety provoking enough going to a hospital, but sitting on small chairs in a waiting room with toys everywhere with Frozen playing on the tv, and parents with the ‘go anywhere near my kid and I’ll scream’ kind of look, is not a feeling I want to repeat. Oh, except I will, because halfway through the scan the machine broke and now I’ve got to go back again another time

The worst thing was when the doctor called my name, but had no idea they’d be treating an adult. The look on their face when I stood up from the little pink chair was a look I’ve never seen before. In hindsight I should have said something like ‘I’ve had a bit of a growth spurt’.
I feel bad for the doctors because they probably want to work with children, and not strange blokes like me.

The thought of having to go through that again is HORRIFYING

[biscuits]

^ haha true, true it's definitely the better result! (to your response to me)

Oh wow - that's good that arrangements were made for you to have the scan sooner. Albeit awkward arrangements! Oh cripes, you have to go back! I'd be half tempted to take a folded camping chair to sit on! And a T-shirt with "NHS waiting list was too long, so I had to go here." If that slogan will fit on a T-shirt!

Hope the results of your scan are okay.

[humphrey]

^^ I had the very same thing about 15 years ago, my squint (double Vision) was getting progressively worse over the years, I had it corrected when I was about 5 yrs old. The optician had referred me back to the eye hospital to see whether it could be corrected again or have one eye blinded so that I could at least still see out of one eye! I was with all the 4/5 yr olds who were getting theirs done for the first time.

They did the same as you when I stood up after they called my name, but actually they were very nice and said that in my case it wasn't unusal for adults to be in here. The consultant was very nice, and not phased at all. After all the tests and a cat scan on my eyes he said the could be re done, what had happened, when I had it done in the 1972 they had left a tiny stand of muscle in the wrong place and it had slowly grown over the last 30 yrs and that was what was causing the problem.

When I went in for the operation it was the complete opposite I was in with all the cataract patients, I was the youngest on the ward by 30 years!

[Tembo]

^^ thanks biscuits! Yes a t-shirt like that would be a good idea!
Or perhaps next time I shall just not worry what others think, and just play with all the toys. I’ll build a Brio layout and not allow any children near it

^ glad I’m not alone Humphrey! To be fair, they were very friendly to me and we had a laugh about it. In fact the majority of NHS staff I’ve dealt with, which is plenty, have always been friendly and pleasant.

[Merry]

I’m feeling sad and upset.
My uncle died last night
I don’t really know how to process my feelings by myself. I’m sad that he’s died and feel upset. I feel upset in particular for my aunt, who is blind and relied on him, I’m not sure what her living situation is going to be.
I’m really sad for my cousins, we were very close as children.
But there’s also more complicated feelings there, about how sad I am about my relationship with my own sister and family, how we’re not close, though when I think back to my childhood with my family, this particular uncle and aunt and my cousins we seemed like a close family, we seemed like a close family then. But in the last 10 years or so I have felt quite estranged from my own family.

Then there’s the social anxiety of knowing there will be a family funeral soon.
Plus the anxiety of knowing that that generation is passing away and it probably won’t be very long before I lose my own parents.

[Hylas]

What an awful situation especially for your aunt. Your memories or perception of how things once were in your family are sadly familiar to me. A recent funeral resulted in a no show by some such was the ill feeling amongst siblings. I choose not to get involved in their petty bickering, there is no going back to how it was, they don't want to reconcile, their hearts have hardened and the love has gone. Sincerely sorry for your loss.

[Amara 94]

^^ Sorry, that must be a painful situation

^ I actually didn’t go to my sisters dads funeral, she is actually a step sister as she has a different dad, but as we lived together I see her as a full sister. I feel guilt or wonder if she would dislike me for that. He died during covid, 2020. I knew him when I was around 4-8, and then after only briefly met him as a teen like once a year. But hadn’t seen him for over 10 years when he died. I think anxiety, the fact I haven’t met him or my sisters step sister in years made me not want to get involved in the situation involving her dad’s death. However, now that I look at it, I think no one is really taught how to be a parent. I didn’t see him as my dad and although he barely met, he was probably doing what he knew what to do.

[Hylas]

My nephew has a whole mess of step siblings and they never showed any desire to get close and I think he was hurt by their coldness when he was growing up but to be honest they seem pretty messed up from what he's told me. Now he's older and has his own family to care for he has no intention of building bridges, you reap what you sow I guess but it is sad that it has to be that way.

Life can be hard and we often grow up in less than ideal circumstances. It can take real courage to honestly look at oneself and make the necessary changes for personal growth and sadly some people aren't always capable of that. We shouldn't judge anyone though I guess because we never truly know what they've been through but at the same time we have to sometimes make hard calls based on our intuition or past experience and let go, just don't carry around guilt for years afterwards.

[biscuits]

@Merry

[anxiouslondoner]

I'm really sorry, Merry.
Take care

[genovese]

Merry, sorry to hear your news.
In your situation, given the complicated family dynamics, I personally wouldn't go to the funeral. I would talk to your aunt directly (if possible) and offer what support you can to her. How a blind person learns to cope with the death of a spouse seems terrifying to me.

I've never liked how funerals are somehow interpreted as "All previous emotional abuse is forgotten for this one day so we can all pretend to be a functional family".
Being forced to be around people with whom you have taken steps to create valid boundaries can, at best, inhibit your healing. At worst, properly f it up.
Once again so sorry to hear your news.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I'm sorry for your loss, Merry.

[Bluebear]

I'm sorry, Merry

[Lee S]

Sorry for your loss, Merry

[Merry]

Thank you for the kind support, I really appreciate it x