waste of a life

[Deadbeatunderadustymoon]

At what age did you come to the conclusion that your life was pathetic and nothing like you expected when younger, Probably 46 for me!

[Mr. Spaceman]

Even when I was a child I expected that my life would be pathetic, that I would never be capable of having relationships, having a career etc. To a degree it's been a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Dougella]

I didn't know what to expect. I achieved some things I wanted like getting a degree in Fine Art, but some things I never expected to happen have happened anyway like meeting a partner and living with them.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

'people are always haunted by the idea they have wasted their life'
But then you ask in what way has anyone wasted their life. Lets say someone who hunts foxes, their main preoccupation in life, they spend half their available time on it. What makes your way of spending life and their way of life any more right? So therefore what is the meaning of 'wasting their life' is that to say failure in maximising interests most fond to you?

[OhPotamus]

There's always hope for fulfillment, even if you're 90.

[Moksha]

I knew something was wrong at 9 or 10. I couldn't have put it into words, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to have proper relationships, go to parties, leave home, pursue a career etc. On the outside nothing was wrong: I was tall, healthy, strong, good-looking; inside, however, I was fu**ed. I couldn't bear any kind of exposure to shame or embarrassment. At around 9, I put up a sort of barrier between me and my parents, family, neighbors. All social interaction was torture. Aged about 10, my dad took me and one of my friends to the cinema. On the journey home, my friend said "wow, that actress was beautiful" (he was very mature for his age!), and I just clammed up. I couldn't bear it. Looking back, I'd say I had developed an avoidant personality disorder by 10 or 11. And children know. It's like gay, transvestite or transgender people. They will often say they just knew, even as toddlers.

I also suspect that many children have a kind of premonition about how life will work out. I can remember looking at another boy in my street (I would have been between 11 and 15) and thinking "yeah, it's ok for you...you'll be able to go out into the world and live a normal life." And he did. He went away to university, got married and now lives 20 miles away; I still live in the family home. It has simply not been a life worth living.

[catlover]

I knew at puberty that life would be difficult. Prior to that time, I was relatively happy.

[gregarious_introvert]

I knew that life would be difficult from my time at primary school, but every time my life situation changed (secondary school, university, change of job, home move etc.), I considered it a new beginning and hoped (in vain) for better. There were times when I thought I was wasting my life and I realised that I would never achieve the ambitions I'd had when younger, but I never felt that I had wasted it completely.

The last reset came a little over three years ago and I know that if I had not gone through all those experiences I'd had earlier in life, I wouldn't have been where I am right now, so I didn't waste any of my life at all, since it was all leading to now.

[Ben1981]

Pretty much from the start I was the shy kid who didnt fit in with the others at school and from that point on it didnt get much better. My best years were when found this site age 24 and for the next 7-8 years things picked up massively thanks largely to going on meets, making friends and having a place to share my problems. The meets have since faded so life has stalled a bit but I am starting to pick myself up again finding things to do.

I know I won't have the life I want now and my long term future does look very bleak but for the next couple of years I have things to look forward to which for the time being is enough for me.

[Toxic]

I don't really know

What makes someones life not a waste?

Having a kid? I don't want any of them..ever, so even if I was in a position where it was possible..it wouldn't be happening.

Partner/marriage? I dunno if I'm really onboard with that either..sometimes I feel having a girlfriend again could be a positive, other times I have flashbacks and realise its not worth the drama (Admittedly it could be my fault for being with a few crazy women, when I'm sure a lot of you are just lovely )

I don't think I'm ever going to achieve anything particularly worthy in my time, I won't be curing cancer or helping with world peace, I'm going to plod along..in a job, take my wage, come home and collapse in front of the TV like millions of others.


I suppose ever since I hit 30 I've accepted this is probably about as good as its going to get, I survived school/college/uni..I dossed about with unemployment and having no money, now I'm not doing bad on that front with stable employment. Physically I'm falling apart, I jokingly attribute it to age but its unlikely, I've got aches and pains all over..a few health issues I can't get on top on, I swear I'm becoming blind as a bat and my sleep patterns shot to hell, I'm still 32! I feel its only going to get worse from now on. I don't see my barely existing social life improving a great deal, my health will probably decline, the few members of my family I actually know become elderly/get properly ill.

During my 20's I thought things could still..change? that optimism is out the window I try not to look too far into the future as I can't really think of too many positives! taking it one day at a time, accepting this is about it! is it a wasted life? probably in a lot of peoples eyes but its not all bad..(honest!)

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Toxic

I don't really know

What makes someones life not a waste?

Having a kid? I don't want any of them..ever, so even if I was in a position where it was possible..it wouldn't be happening.

Partner/marriage? I dunno if I'm really onboard with that either.

I often think like this. Not only is the world insanely overcrowded, any child you have is going to suffer and, eventually, die. Inflicting life (and death) on a child is nothing to be proud of.

I haven't lived a 'normal' life at all. I'm 41 and childless. I'm single and have never had a deep, loving sexual relationship; I've had sex ***8211; with too many different women ***8211; but it's mostly been rubbish, or embarrassing, or has just left me feeling lonely and ashamed. I haven't had a career either, or even a proper job. These mental health problems have basically wiped me out. I certainly have regrets. I wish I'd known what it's like to be both young and happy ***8211; to have that sense of boundless energy and optimism. My single biggest regret is never having had any decent sex, and never experiencing a really good, happy relationship. I also bitterly regret not having had the chance to grow.

That said, I often ask myself what might have been. What would my life be like now if, at nine or ten, some genius psychiatrist had freed me from anxiety, shame and avoidance. Life could be great, or OK, or worse ***8211; much worse. I might have fallen madly in love with some beautiful girl, had a couple of kids with her, then caught her cheating. Or I might have had a teenage daughter who was drugged and raped at a party, or a son who was killed by a hit and run driver. Or I could have had a kid with severe autism or some terminal, bone-wasting illness. That kind of shit happens all the time. The only career I was ever cut out for was teaching. My destiny was to be a (bad) English and history teacher. And I know that, even without social anxiety, I'd have hated every second of it. Truth is, even without a mental illness most people find life frustrating, lonely, scary, painful and very disappointing. I can't think of many people I'd describe as happy and fulfilled. To be happy, you need luck, insensitivity and a brain and nervous system that work in a certain way.

[Dougella]

^ I don't agree either. You certainly don't have to be insensitive to be happy in fact i think that even though sensitive people might feel negative emotions more deeply they are capable of feeling joy and happiness deeply too.



Also happiness is a fleeting emotion it's not a constant state of being and even though some of those events you mentioned might be very difficult and stressful at the time, people who any of those things have happened to can still go on and be happy. It would be unusual for anyone not to ever have anything difficult or tragic or devastating happen in their life at some point.



Added to that there's no age that's too late to have things in your life that make you happy, definitely not in your 40s. My Mum has a friend in her early 40s who always wanted to have a family but never met the right person, she even tried to have a baby on her own using sperm donation. Then a little while ago she met a guy who's 49 who's never been married or had children and she got pregnant! They're both ecstatic. (I don't think that children is the thing that would make everyone happy, but it's just an example.)

[limey123]

***8216;This was Mr Bleaney***8217;s room. He stayed
The whole time he was at the Bodies, till
They moved him.***8217; Flowered curtains, thin and frayed,
Fall to within five inches of the sill,

Whose window shows a strip of building land,
Tussocky, littered. ***8216;Mr Bleaney took
My bit of garden properly in hand.***8217;
Bed, upright chair, sixty-watt bulb, no hook

Behind the door, no room for books or bags ***8212;
***8216;I***8217;ll take it.***8217; So it happens that I lie
Where Mr Bleaney lay, and stub my fags
On the same saucer-souvenir, and try

Stuffing my ears with cotton-wool, to drown
The jabbering set he egged her on to buy.
I know his habits ***8212; what time he came down,
His preference for sauce to gravy, why

He kept on plugging at the four aways ***8212;
Likewise their yearly frame: the Frinton folk
Who put him up for summer holidays,
And Christmas at his sister***8217;s house in Stoke.

But if he stood and watched the frigid wind
Tousling the clouds, lay on the fusty bed
Telling himself that this was home, and grinned,
And shivered, without shaking off the dread

That how we live measures our own nature,
And at his age having no more to show
Than one hired box should make him pretty sure
He warranted no better, I don***8217;t know.

[DanielleGaresh]

Your life isn't pathetic... or it is only as pathetic as anyone or anything else in this world. Nothing matters really...

I see life as something to be enjoyed while you have it... kinda like a cake.. you have a slice of cake... whats the point of it really as it'll be gone once you've eaten it...

The point of the cake is the same just enjoy it...

As i've gotten older and got a bit into Buddhism my depression has lifted though I'm still a socially anxious mess.

I saw someone i knew today ahead of where i was walking so I dived into a vet so I didnt have to speak to them....

The receptionist asked me what i was in there for (as I burst through the doorclearly didn't have a pet with me)... * face palm*

Anyway i have gone off topic... nothing really matters in the world... so just enjoy it while your are here ... even if we are all really awkward socially

easier said than done i know

[DanielleGaresh]

Originally Posted by A lump of Excrement

I believe the key to true happiness and contentment is simply an unconscious/natural thought process, a way of thinking and viewing the world. No matter the cards you are dealt in life there's nothing that beats this and it must be a large factor in true happiness.

Some people have it all and are miserable. Some people have very little and are happy.

The majority of people are somewhere in the middle and some are happy and others are not. You can look back and think something in your life could have happened, a switch could have be turned, and everything would have worked out well. That's part of the problematic thought process though. You can't go back and for as long as you dwell on that there's no way of improving your life now.

I've made some mistakes in my life that lead me to isolate myself and avoid some parts of life and lead me to this forum. This has no doubt damaged me and made my life worse than it could have been. But I'm lucky to also have experienced great things and I'm grateful for the things I do have in my life. It's the glass half empty or half full scenario. I'm not saying we can control it and I'm not saying it's a choice. But the way a person thinks about and reasons with the world is a big factor. And depending on that thought process and how they interact with the world will depend on what they receive in return, which will only reinforce their stance.

Agree wholeheartedly

[Orwell20]

Originally Posted by Deadbeatunderadustymoon

At what age did you come to the conclusion that your life was pathetic and nothing like you expected when younger, Probably 46 for me!

Mid-20s. I think this realization is quite common tbh, even for people without mental health problems. Most people's lives are pretty disappointing. How many get it all? The perfect partner, career success, loads of money, the big house, beautiful children, etc, etc?

[Mr. Nobody]

life stops being a waste the second you decide to stop making it a waste and stop thinking about it being a waste,

many on here eschew or have written off CBT but it's got an important message to give, you are what you think,.. or rather your thinking influences your feeling and your general experience of life.
so if you have decided to think of life as a waste, it will continue to feel to be so,
if you stop thinking in those terms and start doing positive stuff, and forget all about thinking in those terms then things will immediately change.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Jimmy77

Mid-20s. I think this realization is quite common tbh, even for people without mental health problems. Most people's lives are pretty disappointing. How many get it all? The perfect partner, career success, loads of money, the big house, beautiful children, etc, etc?

Not everyone wants those things, or those things exactly. Personally I don't. I do think that a lot of people feel disappointed that they haven't achieved the things they feel they want in their twenties though.

[mossieman]

Pretty much had the though for most of my life but also the optimism that things might get better. Then at 43yr old my life hit rock bottom and i realised that the rest of my life would have to be ace just to have a chance of breaking even. Now at 53 i just accept my life will just be a pointless waste.

[Austere_Lemur]

I don't know. Just from a personal point of view, I started self-harming at the age of 13 because I was really depressed and done with everything. I'm 27 right now and not much has changed to be honest... I'm just still here 'existing' and still a parasite on my family and their resources...

Sorry to be a downer on things...

[gregarious_introvert]

I was in chat earlier and somehow, aspects of my past life came up for discussion - someone mentioned that I seemed to have lived many lives. It occurred to me that, during my life, I have created very many memories and apart from periods of depression and agoraphobia, lived as fully as was possible. These days, I'm still trying to create memories, so when I'm finally on my deathbed, I don't think I'll be looking back and thinking it was wasted - even if things haven't always gone as I would have wished.

[Austere_Lemur]

I don't know; I have so many regrets but I also have many things to be grateful for. I know by now that things are most definitely not greener on the other side of the fence.

[Staring at the Sea]

I felt a lot like that when I was in my twenties but as I am getting older I dont so much which is probably the opposite of the norm. But I figure there is no real definition of success. Money? Owning a home? Raising kids? Great career?

You could have all those thing but still be a giant a**hole, which would constitute as one of life's failures in my book. I know I am a good person at heart so I let myself off the hook in regards to whether I see my life as a failure or not.

[Bluebear]

I don’t think anyone here is a waste of a life. also I was wondering where mossieman went. Thanks for being kind to me when I was here before. I hope he’s ok out there.. and everyone in this thread

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Staring at the Sea

I felt a lot like that when I was in my twenties but as I am getting older I dont so much which is probably the opposite of the norm. But I figure there is no real definition of success. Money? Owning a home? Raising kids? Great career?

You could have all those thing but still be a giant a**hole, which would constitute as one of life's failures in my book. I know I am a good person at heart so I let myself off the hook in regards to whether I see my life as a failure or not.

This post makes me think of when I was here before. I was stupid enough to post that I thought I was a good person at heart. Well... I think that is one of the most important aspects of being a human being..not going around intentionally harming people. And trying to be kind to people if possible ...(so maybe that would make someone a “good” person)


Also creating memories is a wonderful thing.. creating good memories. But if for whatever reasons someone doesn’t create “enough” good memories that doesn’t, IMO, make them a “waste” of a life.

What is the definition of a good person or a “bad” person..

What is the definition of success or “failure”

Who gets to decide these things..

Respect to all